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Castiel

i give up...

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Castiel

im so sorry that my personality and attitude doesnt "fit" in here with the cliques... seems like nobody gives nor wants to give a shit about anything i have to offer or say... so i give up on trying to meet people here... its obvious that nobody wants me around cause honestly i have been told by a few people. what am i? a fucking animal? tell me the truth and stop acting like cowards... or is everyone just a snob?

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Acesheart
im so sorry that my personality and attitude doesnt "fit" in here with the cliques... seems like nobody gives nor wants to give a shit about anything i have to offer or say... so i give up on trying to meet people here... its obvious that nobody wants me around cause honestly i have been told by a few people. what am i? a fucking animal? tell me the truth and stop acting like cowards... or is everyone just a snob?

Hey Castiel, why would you let the opinions of other define who you are. In some ways we are all animals, no big deal honey. If you don't believe in yourself and what you have to offer no one can be expected to either.

Many here like me, many here can't stand me :sickgreenface: I refuse to let them define who I am or what I have to offer.

I don't like being attacked which happens monthly. Lol. Just life I guess.

Don't think for one minute what someone says to you is in any who you are. If that were the case, I'd have left long ago. Reach out anytime you want to talk or need an ear and I absolutely will have conversation with you. Sometimes when we are having tough times our inspiration can come from the smallest gesture. Hugs , feel to message anytime. Truly, Aces xo

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CanBro

Plenty of people have spent plenty of time talking to you, and including you.

I'm not sure where you get this vibe that nobody wants you here.

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Bluevibes

Castiel stop it ..be my friend will you? I'm in desperate need right now..I've never felt this down in my life ...

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Acesheart

Hey Castiel, I'd say there are 3people here on this post who are reaching out honey, just breathe and reach back :itllbeok: Aces xo

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jennifertigress
im so sorry that my personality and attitude doesnt "fit" in here with the cliques... seems like nobody gives nor wants to give a shit about anything i have to offer or say... so i give up on trying to meet people here... its obvious that nobody wants me around cause honestly i have been told by a few people. what am i? a fucking animal? tell me the truth and stop acting like cowards... or is everyone just a snob?

thas not true castiel. we are glad to have you here:) Nobody is perfect and its hard to see what people really mean by just seeing words on a forum like this but most of us mean well. We are here to help by any means.

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musumegirl

Castiel! We had an awesome conversation last night and I learned so much about you! Come on now. <3

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Mellisuga

I've never even had a chance to speak to you Castiel (by the way - Welcome to HC!). There are TONS of folks on this site. I'm sure you can find someone you will like talking to! :)

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Castiel

things have been in total chaos... im trying so hard to not let it affect me... im so stressed because i need to see a doctor next week and i might not make it... i dont know what to do... :( here is a example... a few minutes ago i went into chat, to hopefully talk and feel better. 2 other people talking, i said hello, no response, i asked if they prefer me to leave, no response... IMO that is rude and its bullshit... that right there is what pisses me off... i am a human being, and you cant stop for a minute to say hello? are you better than me?

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CanBro
things have been in total chaos... im trying so hard to not let it affect me... im so stressed because i need to see a doctor next week and i might not make it... i dont know what to do... :( here is a example... a few minutes ago i went into chat, to hopefully talk and feel better. 2 other people talking, i said hello, no response, i asked if they prefer me to leave, no response... IMO that is rude and its bullshit... that right there is what pisses me off... i am a human being, and you cant stop for a minute to say hello? are you better than me?

Or the logical explanation is that they just weren't looking at chat.

I know I was probably on but wasn't paying attention

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Acesheart
things have been in total chaos... im trying so hard to not let it affect me... im so stressed because i need to see a doctor next week and i might not make it... i dont know what to do... :( here is a example... a few minutes ago i went into chat, to hopefully talk and feel better. 2 other people talking, i said hello, no response, i asked if they prefer me to leave, no response... IMO that is rude and its bullshit... that right there is what pisses me off... i am a human being, and you cant stop for a minute to say hello? are you better than me?

Castiel, I cannot tell you how many times I've entered the Chat and got no response. First let me say some will address you, some are in forums as well as Chat room at the same time. Some like me when I enter from tablet (like I'm on now) cannot see Who is in Chat and cannot see more then a few responses in the room.

Don't let that determine that you have no one who cares, look around this whole thread.... After all these friends here suggesting you message them, reach out to them, can you say "No one cares" no honey you cannot.

We have a saying that you should always treat others as you would want to be treated as if in person meeting someone. If I saw you coming out of Wal-Mart as I was entering, I'd certainly say "hi" or "good afternoon", but do I always do this 100% of the time, no NOT if I've something on my mind. Please reach out to someone in message, start a conversation and try to relax. Not everyone can or will perfect. It's only right to say hello, if they don't, please don't assume it's because anyone is thinking I'm better than him, it just isn't true. Hugs Aces xo

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Mellisuga

Hey Castiel, I know its tough when you enter a chat room looking for support, and no one responds. I can honestly tell you that it has nothing to do with you. Electronics are funny - you can walk away from the computer, leave the page on, and you'll still be in the chat room. There are also time signatures you can look at - if it says that the person last had a conversation an hour ago, then odds are, they are gone.

In these situations, when you REALLY need to talk to someone, I seriously recommend that you phone a counselor. It's happened to me too. I've logged in, said something, and no one responds. I know its not because of me though - its just that the time happens to be when there is really no one online.

Remember that we all are just regular folks here, and we come and go based on our availability. With these help lines however, you can find someone trained to talk to people, and they are hopefully available at all times.

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Castiel

yea i call the help lines all the time, and all they want me to do is find a way to NOT eliminate myself... you cant fix a person who is broken into a million pieces...

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Acesheart
yea i call the help lines all the time, and all they want me to do is find a way to NOT eliminate myself... you cant fix a person who is broken into a million pieces...

You are splintered as many of us are, you just need to learn to talk to people. I can be a good listener because I have two ears an a shoulder if you need to lean. Hugs Aces xo

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Castiel

i talk all the time, seems nobody cares to read what i have to say... so i just shut up and not bother...

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Acesheart

Castiel, I hid in my own world, no outside family or friends I trust enough to open up to, for 23 years until I found this community forum. I don't talk herpes with my husband, he doesn't see a need to talk about a non issue, I did disclose to my daughter before she left for college 3yrs ago. But I have NO family or friends outside this forum.

I came here seeking talk, but found so many young people and married people needed , NO scratch that, wanting my opinion and advice about my life. It was awesome that someone thought I could help. I felt needed again, LIKE I had another purpose in life. It gave me hope and makes me smile inside to see these beautiful people reaching out to me saying "you have helped me/us to live again". To see that this isn't the end of my life. There is an user named Whaatachick, she actually said I saved her life! Do you know how that made me feel inside as a Mother, every life is precious!

My biological parents abandoned me at age 8 saying they didn't want me! Tough noogies Aces, we don't want you! My first husband betrayed me for music, fame and infidelities!Again tough noogies Aces, I cheated suck it up!

By all that statistically I should NOT be as well adjusted as I am, it's what my therapists told me, but I am responsible for all that I let effect me. If I have a good day it's my choice, no one can make my destiny. I've survived Cancers numerous times, lost my unborn son, and continue to beat the odd adversities of life because I chose too!

If you don't try, you never fail, if you chose to make excuses, you will never grow. I'm saying by all that holy, I should NOT be alive. I chose to be.

If you say I can't, then you won't! If you should chose to say I will try, there is a chance someone will give you that next foot up to your destination.

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CanBro

I know when I've been in chat I have never ignored you, or seen people do such a thing.

I'm sorry you feel that people are ignoring you.

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jennifertigress

I feel that same way. Many people do. The whole facade thing. I know I do. This is really the most social interaction I get some days hahah:)

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VVK

Castiel, when you start to think the worst of people then their actions start fitting your views of them. It's just something that the mind does to reinforce its view of reality. If you think people are mean, nobody cares, and the world is against you, then you start seeing things and people acting in a way that reinforces that perspective of yours. I've been in the same boat before and it's really important to get a grip earlier rather than later and stop that mental process before it destroys you.

Everybody has their own lives and they're not always going to be in sync with yours. If you really want someone to dedicate their undivided attention and time to you, I think the most helpful would be a cognitive behavioural therapist, who would be getting financially compensated for doing so. If you have access to one via insurance, workplace employee assistance, or if you are able to afford it out of pocket, then I strongly recommend that type of therapist - cognitive behavioural. I know there were several instances in my life where I could have used one and I was lucky enough to know one briefly, which helped me out a lot.

In today's world, we're severely lacking in mental health support and services everywhere. Help lines are mostly concerned with having people not off themselves whereas what's really needed by most callers are dedicated trained professionals that would be able to spend time helping them deal with their issues and develop coping skills. Unfortunately the human world is money-obsessed and profit-driven - we're enslaved by money and our masters have little recognition for human value and the true cost of mental health issues. It's the reality, but it's no reason to give up, Castiel. These forums can provide some support but you've got to see them for what they are - a place where people volunteer some of their time and attention. You've got to make the most of them but also keep looking for resources beyond this to assist you in putting yourself back together. It's going to cost you, but it will be well worth it. Money comes and goes.

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Castiel

ok, when you're on a budget of 800 dollars a month and have bills to pay, how can anyone afford "out of pocket" expenses? i am forced to re-apply for medicade and wait 45 days more, which means 2 more months of NO help and two more months of suffering... i am truly sorry but i know what this world is made of... 42 years of abuse proves that theory correctly... you cant change the cruelty that has been done to me... there is no other choice... not for me...

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joeer120
ok, when you're on a budget of 800 dollars a month and have bills to pay, how can anyone afford "out of pocket" expenses? i am forced to re-apply for medicade and wait 45 days more, which means 2 more months of NO help and two more months of suffering... i am truly sorry but i know what this world is made of... 42 years of abuse proves that theory correctly... you cant change the cruelty that has been done to me... there is no other choice... not for me...

The cruelty done to you? By whom? We make our own choices... Yes, last night... I cried as hell thinking of how my life has been hard since day one... I asked God, since I was brought up Carholic... Why did he let me live? You see, I was born premature... As a kid, I went through something that a child should not... I cried a lot growing up and as an adult.. Became pregnant at 18 on my first time... Married my HS sweetheart....who cheated and belittled me...put up w his crap because I believed that once you marry, u stayed married... Over 11 years... Went through a difficult divorce which lasted 3 years and cost me a lot of money...difficult raising my two daughters and trying to maintain a house... I had two other sexual partners... Then my current boyfriend of five years... I had my physical in November... Reflecting on my life before the year ended how finally my life felt to fall into place... Thought it would be a great 2015 and maybe life gets in order when one turns 40... N then I get this news... I didn't get it from my current boyfriend.... So back to last night... I cried, got angry and again asked God why did u let me live...my life has not been that easy... But u know what, we have free will and everything that happens is because we are human... We can always question and ask "why me" but we really need to stop making ourselves the victim... I made myself the victim when I felt like crap when my husband cheated, when my two past sexual partners did not fully respect me... I made that choice to put up w people... So now, it will be hard, they will be times, again and again, when I will ask "why?" And feel like a victim... But I've always been a fighter... Since day one... That's why I lived..I will fall but I will get up again.. Let it out, cry... Don't give up

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Acesheart
ok, when you're on a budget of 800 dollars a month and have bills to pay, how can anyone afford "out of pocket" expenses? i am forced to re-apply for medicade and wait 45 days more, which means 2 more months of NO help and two more months of suffering... i am truly sorry but i know what this world is made of... 42 years of abuse proves that theory correctly... you cant change the cruelty that has been done to me... there is no other choice... not for me...

There is always choice when it comes to what we need and want. You are depressed , I fully understand since most of us have experienced this, but there is always a way. I believe if there is a need, or will there is a way.

Can you make a few calls to investigate funding for your situation, which is needed medical care? When I am located no one can be turned down for care even if the payment plan is $5.00 or $10.00 on monthly installments. They base your cost on what you earn. Please try to save yourself since we can only do so much, the rest , the will power, it must come from you honey. :itllbeok: Aces xo

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Castiel

being strong, that is what i am told quite often... do you have any idea how hard it is to be strong day in and day out? im tired of being strong all the time, tired of making the right choices and progressing with myself... i want to be weak, only if it were for a little while... i need to put my mind at rest, to stop stressing out over trivial things... is that asking too much?

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