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Dezgusted

Just had sex for the first time since I was diagnosed a year ago. Feeling conflicted though.

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Dezgusted

Before this nightmare I wouldn't have given it a second thought and just been happy to be getting some, but now the whole process is just so much "extra" (is the only way to describe it) that it's got me conflicted.

The girl knew about my issue and had her own, we kept it safe and didn't get too wild, and agreed to stay friends no matter what. I've had hookups plenty of times before this but now it's not the same. I originally was reluctant to go through with it but she was trying to "bring me out of my shell" and get me to loosen up so I agreed. As nice as It was I still don't feel like me. I'm starting to think that is no longer even possible.

Anybody else have a similar story? And if so, did it get better? Should I keep trying? Or should I just stick to just me myself & I?

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daisy2008

Hey,

I was diagnosed just over 3 months ago... I have still been unable to be with anyone.. I have a high drive and miss intimacy. I fear rejection and ignorance... I feel like myself and flirt and then I remind myself of my situation and that get depressed and feel like I should just stick to myself. I know where you are coming from ... hoping things get easier in time!

The support on this forum really helps :)

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Acesheart

My first sexy time after two years only of "look but don't touch" was exciting, scary and wonderfully enlightening. I was terrified he would get to that point of no return, then say " maybe we shouldn't", but he didn't. I was nervous I felt like :sickgreenface: . It went well and he expressed how awesome it was to feel such love. He proposed and to this day I still worry somewhere in my mind I'm thinking about if I pass this, how would he handle it. I worry over everything and back then it was alot, today not so much.

If you BOTH enjoyed this human contact and the feeling of making love with someone you trust, no need to keep it to yourselves. I actually learned that taking it slower than normal was a very good thing. He makes every moment count and tries his best to keep me from reminding myself I have herpes. It's never been an issue since he did the research back then, y'all have way more information today, he chose me. I'd say if you have a potential partner and they make you forget what you fear the most, keep them. I married my best friend, he still is, and herpes still isn't an issue.

It certainly will get easier and we did alot of crazy stuff I'd never attempted with my first husband. It gets better, why deprive anyone of the amazing man or woman that you are when someone knows about your sexual status, they chose you, no need for words when the emotions are flowing and it just feels right :) . Hugs Aces xo

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SheIsBlue

Hey Dezgusted, what you are feeling is totally normal and being cautious is a good thing. It does eventually get better where you can start to enjoy sex again. As long as you have a willing partner that knows your condition, I say go for it!(:

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musumegirl

Hey Dezgusted,

It gets better. What you are feeling is totally normal. The first time I had sex after my giver/diagnosis. I literally stopped it midway, freaked out, got dressed, and left. So your experience on the spectrum was good! She accepted you, looked past H and found you sexy (if she's trying to get you to loosen up...). Maybe the issue is that YOU need more time to accept yourself and come to terms. I really see it as that. I felt the same way you did. Fast forward 5 years, and I have yet to be rejected from the partners I have had over the years. That includes flings, hookups, and love. \

So give it some time, love yourself and allow yourself to accept love from others.

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blue84

its all your head ...you need to join your time on earth dont let ...herpes take over your life .. To me the only part that sucks is putting a condom on ...i done it without a condom and taking antivirus ...feels good but dont do it as much as i would liek with no condom ): stay up and dont let this kill you find ways ...

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Dezgusted

I'm sorry it took so long to get back and a big thanks to all the mods & staff for the encouragement, but this evil curse is trying to punish me for trying to be normal again. Got an ob a couple days after (It was mild) even though I had been doing good on daily 500 mg valtrex. Before this I had been clear for a while.

So this is what I get for stepping out again. I had been taking my meds regularly and know that I'm rougher with myself then I was with her, but still got punished. It wasn't bad enough for the moment to be tainted with the feel of a medical procedure, no I had to be reminded that I'm still sick despite my few good months. I know your emotional state plays a part in it to but I've had far more intense moments in this year that didn't draw out a response. My only feeling now is I'm so done I'm just so so done!

A part of me wants to go and hurt the person who did this to me more and more, but I keep ending up staring in the mirror on that one. So back to violent video games it is (Awww, my safe place). It's a good thing this didn't happen to me in my twenties because I would definitely be in jail right now.

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blue84
I'm sorry it took so long to get back and a big thanks to all the mods & staff for the encouragement, but this evil curse is trying to punish me for trying to be normal again. Got an ob a couple days after (It was mild) even though I had been doing good on daily 500 mg valtrex. Before this I had been clear for a while.

So this is what I get for stepping out again. I had been taking my meds regularly and know that I'm rougher with myself then I was with her, but still got punished. It wasn't bad enough for the moment to be tainted with the feel of a medical procedure, no I had to be reminded that I'm still sick despite my few good months. I know your emotional state plays a part in it to but I've had far more intense moments in this year that didn't draw out a response. My only feeling now is I'm so done I'm just so so done!

A part of me wants to go and hurt the person who did this to me more and more, but I keep ending up staring in the mirror on that one. So back to violent video games it is (Awww, my safe place). It's a good thing this didn't happen to me in my twenties because I would definitely be in jail right now.

Life isn't over bro I like video games and pussy and working out before all this ..all that still happens but different ways my sex life isn't what it used to be I need to always carry pack of condonms and take antivirals but hardly come here unless I want to help others...I realize that life continues and its not about as it sounds having blister penis...I take this over HIV (;

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Acesheart
I'm sorry it took so long to get back and a big thanks to all the mods & staff for the encouragement, but this evil curse is trying to punish me for trying to be normal again. Got an ob a couple days after (It was mild) even though I had been doing good on daily 500 mg valtrex. Before this I had been clear for a while.

So this is what I get for stepping out again. I had been taking my meds regularly and know that I'm rougher with myself then I was with her, but still got punished. It wasn't bad enough for the moment to be tainted with the feel of a medical procedure, no I had to be reminded that I'm still sick despite my few good months. I know your emotional state plays a part in it to but I've had far more intense moments in this year that didn't draw out a response. My only feeling now is I'm so done I'm just so so done!

A part of me wants to go and hurt the person who did this to me more and more, but I keep ending up staring in the mirror on that one. So back to violent video games it is (Awww, my safe place). It's a good thing this didn't happen to me in my twenties because I would definitely be in jail right now.

Life is not all about sexy times, you know? We all need human companion and human contacts, it keeps us healthy to hug or hold another , flesh to flesh. This anxiety and stressed I hear in your voice could be why your having another breakout after stepping out.

Give yourself time to heal emotionally as well as physically. I know alot ladies who are huge gamers, my daughter loves video games, so your safe place can still be shared and be just as safe without you being so alone.

Don't be done, don't be over and don't give up! Why would you let this virus beat you? Would you let someone tell you what you can and CANNOT have? Herpes has NO magic powers to control you. Your mindset however does. Get to that place, oneday at a time, and start off slowly and you will realize this very much doable. It can be better but only if you allow yourself to be happy again :itllbeok: Hugs Aces xo

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Scared12345
Life is not all about sexy times, you know? We all need human companion and human contacts, it keeps us healthy to hug or hold another , flesh to flesh. This anxiety and stressed I hear in your voice could be why your having another breakout after stepping out.

Give yourself time to heal emotionally as well as physically. I know alot ladies who are huge gamers, my daughter loves video games, so your safe place can still be shared and be just as safe without you being so alone.

Don't be done, don't be over and don't give up! Why would you let this virus beat you? Would you let someone tell you what you can and CANNOT have? Herpes has NO magic powers to control you. Your mindset however does. Get to that place, oneday at a time, and start off slowly and you will realize this very much doable. It can better but only if you allow yourself to be happy again :itllbeok: Hugs Aces xo

How long would you take anti virals after being intimate with a new person? I took mine for 6 months then stopped then just took them when I felt stressed

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Acesheart
How long would you take anti virals after being intimate with a new person? I took mine for 6 months then stopped then just took them when I felt stressed

I stayed on them for 25 yrs straight. My one and only guy after my first husband was my now husband.

I stopped them 3 yrs ago after I had my 2nd outbreak. I no longer take them.

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Scared12345
I stayed on them for 25 yrs straight. My one and only guy after my first husband was my now husband.

I stopped them 3 yrs ago after I had my 2nd outbreak. I no longer take them.

Aren't they not good for liver or kidneys after all that time? And they are so expensive I just can't do it I don't want to unless I have a new partner. My partner slept with lots of girls before me so changes are he already came in contact with the virus and doesn't have it or doesn't know. He gets cold sores on his mouth though and i was so scared I passed it to him orally but turns out he got them before me. The whole not knowing when I am getting an OB gives me lots of anxiety

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Acesheart
Aren't they not good for liver or kidneys after all that time? And they are so expensive I just can't do it I don't want to unless I have a new partner. My partner slept with lots of girls before me so changes are he already came in contact with the virus and doesn't have it or doesn't know. He gets cold sores on his mouth though and i was so scared I passed it to him orally but turns out he got them before me. The whole not knowing when I am getting an OB gives me lots of anxiety

Sweety if you get yearly blood functions test when you have your annual check up, they do check and monitor all organ functions, at least my doctors did when they learned I was on suppression therapies for herpes. The chances are very high that your partner already had h1 orally. The fact is many get cold sores in their early childhood days. His h1 (still herpes type 1) does give him some protection against catching another type. Try the Vitamin b12 complex I talk about for anxieties and nerves support and the much needed energies it gives. Try NOT to worry. Hugs Aces xo

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scaredbuthopeful2015

I'm sorry it took so long to get back and a big thanks to all the mods & staff for the encouragement, but this evil curse is trying to punish me for trying to be normal again. Got an ob a couple days after (It was mild) even though I had been doing good on daily 500 mg valtrex. Before this I had been clear for a while.

 

So this is what I get for stepping out again. I had been taking my meds regularly and know that I'm rougher with myself then I was with her, but still got punished. It wasn't bad enough for the moment to be tainted with the feel of a medical procedure, no I had to be reminded that I'm still sick despite my few good months. I know your emotional state plays a part in it to but I've had far more intense moments in this year that didn't draw out a response. My only feeling now is I'm so done I'm just so so done!

 

A part of me wants to go and hurt the person who did this to me more and more, but I keep ending up staring in the mirror on that one. So back to violent video games it is (Awww, my safe place). It's a good thing this didn't happen to me in my twenties because I would definitely be in jail right now.

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scaredbuthopeful2015

Dezgusted...you sound like a nice guy who is just being way to hard on yourself.   Like you I'm scared to be intimate again...but I want to.  The thing is Hun. ..with this disease, we didn't have a choice.  Someone...knowingly or unknowingly gave it to us.  However,  what we do AFTER we have it is a CHOICE.  We can be a victum or a Victor....and Like Blue84 said, life is not the same...but you find new ways of coping.   But don't give up...please.  I understand how you feel.  In the last three weeks, I had to close my business, was told by my lawyer that my ex has every right to force me to sell my house even though i paid him for it.  Had to sell my beautiful van to pay off bills cuz the government lost my child support payment, and found out I have herpes..and the man I was dating broke up with me....so, if I can find the strength to go on, I am sure you can too.  I don't know what the future holds for us...but it can only go up.  You have to realize that you are not being punished...because you didn't do anything wrong.  NONE of us did.  I wish you well.

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playing.safer

Now that is some inner strength that we can all respect! I alwayd look forward to what new challenges each new day brings. I love meeting new people and listening to their stories. I am just impressed with how strong we have become because of a virus! Keep strong, live long! 

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scaredbuthopeful2015

Thanks for the comment...and you are right...some days it may not seem it...but the challenges only make us stronger.   I've been giving alot of thought as to why I drew this illness to myself.   Not that I did anything wrong.  But I am a believer that we all draw into out life what our soul needs for our spiritual growth be it good or bad.

 Firstly, on the negative side,  I believe that it has to do with deep seated emotional wounds of worthlessness and lack of self love.  Ironically the act with the person I became infected from was not even a fully consentual act and there was not full penitration ... actually there was barely any genital to genital contact...when I insisted he stop and he finally did.  it was not forceful or aggressive,  just a connection that went too far.  Causing me to look at my boundaries and what I need to learn from that.

On a more positive side, my diagnosis has given me a much needed boost and an opportunity to look at my life and my health and re evaluate.  Relationships, casual partners, judgements, and possibly most importantly my overall health.  Once I read over much of the factors that bring on outbreaks...I thought OMG I have so many of these markers an infected person may just have to walk by and I'll get it (lmao).  I'm an uncontrolled diabetic,  I have extremely heavy menus cycles, I have a compromised immune system, I'm anemic, I  have extreme stress and depression. ..and sadly the list goes on.  So, when I look at all this I believe it's the Universes way of saying...damn it girl it's time you take care of your self...like it or not. ...and who am I to argue with the Universe

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Dezgusted

While I appreciate the positive sentiment, I was on the incline in my life before this happened. I was restoring a classic car, it's now been parked for a year now! I was about to go into a new business venture with a new friend that had a lot of potential, I let all that fall apart while I tried to get a handle on this virus. Several people owed me money, I haven't even tried to collect any of it. Just not motivated to do anything anymore. I use to be a self starter, with an entrepreneurial spirit, now I'm burning through my savings or just doing enough to cover the months expenses. I don't ever workout anymore or give a shit what i eat. This has made me the worst me I could have ever been, and I don't even care anymore. I exist only because I haven't died yet. There has been absolutely nothing positive to come from this for me. Only thing I can say is good thing I don't give a fuck anymore, because this would be really depressing.

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optimisticcali

While I appreciate the positive sentiment, I was on the incline in my life before this happened. I was restoring a classic car, it's now been parked for a year now! I was about to go into a new business venture with a new friend that had a lot of potential, I let all that fall apart while I tried to get a handle on this virus. Several people owed me money, I haven't even tried to collect any of it. Just not motivated to do anything anymore. I use to be a self starter, with an entrepreneurial spirit, now I'm burning through my savings or just doing enough to cover the months expenses. I don't ever workout anymore or give a shit what i eat. This has made me the worst me I could have ever been, and I don't even care anymore. I exist only because I haven't died yet. There has been absolutely nothing positive to come from this for me. Only thing I can say is good thing I don't give a fuck anymore, because this would be really depressing.

Brother you have to get a grip on this. I am in my 40's and trust me, having to change the way I approach sex, relationships, etc at this age has been tough! But I have decided to not let this thing control me. Since a boosted immune system helps keep away outbreaks I have gotten back in shape, changed my diet and it's worked! I haven't had an outbreak in a year and I have had sex with several women over that time. Try to focus on yourself and the rest will come. Forget about getting laid and what this virus means in that regard and work on that car, go get that money that is owed to you and revisit your business venture. None of those things have anything to do with a skin condition that can possibly be transmitted through sex. I am telling you this as a man who defined himself through his sexuality and ability to sleep with as many women as I could all through my 20's and 30's - you can move on with things.

Start taking care of yourself. If you used to work out then you know that endorphins are a wonderful thing. Get back in the gym brother and let those little guys pump through your body and give you that rush and then start wrenching on that car. Don't let this bulls*#t skin disorder steal your motivation and potential. 

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Singlemomoftwo

Karma does know what she's doing, though. I know EXACTLY what I did to get this, and if dude's wife ever finds out? She'll take great comfort in knowing I have g-HSV1 (from another dude... what, I was recently seperated and went on a spree. Needed to feel wanted after being neglected for so long so I grasped. Unfortunately the second-last spree was unprotected...). 

I got out of my slump (like Dezgusted), took me two weeks, I shook it off and reminded myself that I'm still a sexy 40 yr old woman, but I accepted that I couldn't sleep with anyone clean for at least a year (so that I get enough antibodies). But today? Oh boy, I'm sad. Feelings of being damaged goods resurfaced. I did not leave my husband to be lonely! Kissing, how I miss it. Met someone on a site for herpsters and we hang out but it's not love. Thinking of taking my chances and going on a reg site... then again not bother for a year. So lonely... I want a boyfriend :(

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