startinganew

Herpes, Herpes Everywhere!

18 posts in this topic

So you know how when you buy a new car, you suddenly start seeing that same car EVERYWHERE? Well, this is basically my experience with herpes. Since being diagnosed, I hear herpes everywhere. Literally. It's joked about on the morning radio show I listen to. I hear friends/acquaintances make jokes. The other day, my own FATHER (who does not know) made a herpes joke. Herpes jokes have been made on almost every single TV show I watch and every funny movie I like. I actually looked this up (I know, I need a life).

I'm sure many of you have similar experiences. But....I mean, christ! This is apparently (at least to me) the most commonly joked about thing ever. Now that i'm aurally sensitive to it, it seems to be in pretty bad taste. It's not even clever or original anymore! Like, the horse is dead...you can stop beating it now. Sometimes I want to say something about how dumb and ignorant herpes jokes are, but anything I say would automatically out myself.

Anyways, my questions for you guys is: 1. Do you hear this frequently, too? 2. If so, have you ever said anything? Is there a way to say something without outing yourself in the process?

joeer120 likes this

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Hey startinganew, you are correct, it suddenly is everywhere you look and in every thing you watch. My fave Chevy Chase movie references herpes.

My husband monitors what I say around his friends and at parties for his work. When I hear a joke I tend to get stiff, my husband has been known to touch my arm, remove me from the situation. I believe if you have herpes it's okay to joke, when you don't have it and make stupidest statements, just keep it out your mouth is what I'd love to say :motz: I've told my daughter's best friend who gets cold sores that this is ohsv 1, . Her mother informed her we were lieing. I tried once to tell a lady who's hubby is friends of my hubby, she refused to believe it, I've learned to keep my mouth shut. My daughter put this site up at college, but this year, she was asked NOT to use that space for such things. :dontknow: We will be seeing many. Hugs Aces xo

Hendry likes this

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Ace, why was she asked not to use that space? It seems that some people want to keep the rest of the population naive about herpes which helps in the spreading of it since most people don't know about it and or do not know they already have it! That includes CDC since they don't include it in the stds testing like chlamydia and ghonorria... Making the pharmaceutical company more money! Makes me mad

amennubian and Mrs.B. like this

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Ace, why was she asked not to use that space? It seems that some people want to keep the rest of the population naive about herpes which helps in the spreading of it since most people don't know about it and or do not know they already have it! That includes CDC since they don't include it in the stds testing like chlamydia and ghonorria... Making the pharmaceutical company more money! Makes me mad

I have NO proof but we believe they fear giving this information is NOT positive for a college campus. She did it her first two yrs there but NOW she also works there and prefer this site not be advertised on their campus.. She still gives it people there and has not gotten caught. I told her if she does get reprimanded for this, her father and I will take over, lawyer up and kick ass and take names as well as bring ATTENTION to our local news stations. They don't want to screw with my baby cuz I don't play that shit. It's my menopause and maternal instincts that tell me they are scared. They fear education on herpes and their goal is to educate our children, go figure that. CRAZY right?

Hendry, SureWhyNot, Swannn and 2 others like this

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I kind of want to make a crap ton of flyers about herpes (facts? statistics? referencing the unwarranted stigma?) and just let them loose in random public spaces. It would give me great satisfaction :)

olive25, quiet_observer, joeer120 and 2 others like this

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I can totally relate. It was something I really noticed at first too (and still do) and it rots my socks because it's always in poor taste and it's never even funny. I mostly keep quiet because otherwise I'm afraid if I started talking it would end up in a long, monologue-style rant but there have been a few times where I have scoffed and said that if the average person knew how many people really have it, they'd be shocked. And if anyone has asked me how I know, I honestly answer them that I did an extensive project (30 skin conditions) on the skin for my anat/phys class and it included herpes. You could say that you know someone who has it (or several people) or the easiest is that it's simply a well documented fact if you really did want to have the conversation.

For me, I usually keep quiet mainly because I'm so annoyed by that point that I don't want to say something I might regret but if you can keep your cool then I don't think that it would necessarily out you. But I totally understand your fears/concerns about that.

startinganew likes this

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I can totally relate. It was something I really noticed at first too (and still do) and it rots my socks because it's always in poor taste and it's never even funny. I mostly keep quiet because otherwise I'm afraid if I started talking it would end up in a long, monologue-style rant but there have been a few times where I have scoffed and said that if the average person knew how many people really have it, they'd be shocked. And if anyone has asked me how I know, I honestly answer them that I did an extensive project (30 skin conditions) on the skin for my anat/phys class and it included herpes. You could say that you know someone who has it (or several people) or the easiest is that it's simply a well documented fact if you really did want to have the conversation.

For me, I usually keep quiet mainly because I'm so annoyed by that point that I don't want to say something I might regret but if you can keep your cool then I don't think that it would necessarily out you. But I totally understand your fears/concerns about that.

I've instructed my daughter, in college, to tell people who ask her grandfather had cold sores and she learned it was herpes and he passed terminal brain cancer. Ironically no one has ever asked, at her college, how she knew about this site and why she hands out this address on slips of paper. Some young people up there Want to know, they Want to investigate this. It's the school who has their hands in their pants playing with the balls while their heads remain in the sand. CRAZY right?

startinganew and Swannn like this

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I've instructed my daughter, in college, to tell people who ask her grandfather had cold sores and she learned it was herpes and he passed terminal brain cancer. Ironically no one has ever asked, at her college, how she knew about this site and why she hands out this address on slips of paper. Some young people up there Want to know, they Want to investigate this. It's the school who has their hands in their pants playing with the balls while their heads remain in the sand. CRAZY right?

Soooo crazy. I am having one of those days where it all seems crazy and absurd. The fact that we all freak out, the fact that everyone else freaks out. Comparing it to any other virus makes it seem just the same - it just has different symptoms. And as a small aside, I agree, after I got H and I told all my friends, NO ONE knew that it wasn't standard STD testing. They knew nothing about it at all except that it was "uncurable".

Sorry, starting anew, didn't mean to jack your thread! I'm so tangenty.

startinganew likes this

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Soooo crazy. I am having one of those days where it all seems crazy and absurd. The fact that we all freak out, the fact that everyone else freaks out. Comparing it to any other virus makes it seem just the same - it just has different symptoms. And as a small aside, I agree, after I got H and I told all my friends, NO ONE knew that it wasn't standard STD testing. They knew nothing about it at all except that it was "uncurable".

Sorry, starting anew, didn't mean to jack your thread! I'm so tangenty.

I think the OP was asking for our comments, she is lovely girl.

I personally believe ppl freak out because they were never taught these facts in high school sex education classes. I taught in my daughter's high school, I had h for many yrs, all they say is "use condom so you don't become a par ent too soon" , NOT one word on herpes. :dontknow:

startinganew likes this

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No no, I love the dialogue! Swann, I like your idea about claiming I've done a research project on it. I've sorta thought about that before. I WANT to say something, I just need to figure out the most effective and least suspicious way haha. I'm not one of the brave souls who is comfortable coming out.

Aces, the information given in health class is so pathetic. Why are we not telling people you can get an STD even with condoms??

Let me end this before I get worked up haha. Btw Swannn, how many of your friends did you tell? How was it received? I'm always curious about that.

Swannn and joeer120 like this

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No no, I love the dialogue! Swann, I like your idea about claiming I've done a research project on it. I've sorta thought about that before. I WANT to say something, I just need to figure out the most effective and least suspicious way haha. I'm not one of the brave souls who is comfortable coming out.

Aces, the information given in health class is so pathetic. Why are we not telling people you can get an STD even with condoms??

Let me end this before I get worked up haha. Btw Swannn, how many of your friends did you tell? How was it received? I'm always curious about that.

Sweety I wish I knew why sex education classes only focus on pregnancies. It is sad and when I tried to speak up about this several yrs ago, they shut me down saying I was NOT a medical professional and to stick to Mathematics and English subjects. When they asked if anyone had questions, several raised their hands but their questions were only half-ass answered which let them laughing like oh well I guess it wasn't important :( .

amennubian likes this

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I really enjoy reading everything on this site . the words that really touched me . How the public is not informed . many don't even know about the testing . plus how many folks have the cold sores . one guy told me he gets them from just licking his lips. I kindly asked the brother to get an exam . there's been many more people . I laugh cause , many can laugh about this . make all the jokes they want . what I see is just uneducated people talking about themselves. I really enjoy reading the articles here . peace and love to you all

Blondie85, Acesheart and quiet_observer like this

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No no, I love the dialogue! Swann, I like your idea about claiming I've done a research project on it. I've sorta thought about that before. I WANT to say something, I just need to figure out the most effective and least suspicious way haha. I'm not one of the brave souls who is comfortable coming out.

Aces, the information given in health class is so pathetic. Why are we not telling people you can get an STD even with condoms??

Let me end this before I get worked up haha. Btw Swannn, how many of your friends did you tell? How was it received? I'm always curious about that.

Ok good :) Yes, a research project in my case was for a class, although even when I did it, because there were so many topics I was working on at once, I still did not discover that regular STD testing does not cover herpes. I found that little tidbit out after I got it. And yes, I got H even with a condom and the guy was on meds. But in your case, it's still true because it's quite a project researching herpes and I imagine you have spent many more hours looking in to it than you might have if it were just a school project. So in fact, it's true that you have done a research project on herpes, it's just that you did it for yourself.

As for friends, I probably told all my friends at the time. I usually do not keep a friend for long if he/she does not become a very good, close and trustworthy person in my life. (I'd rather have two amazing friends than 10 kind of good friends). These days, when I meet new friends I keep it to myself until I know in my gut I can trust them. I did not tell a friend I made a couple of years ago because of her tendency to judge and her deep need to feel clean. I knew how she would react and we eventually drifted apart anyways.

I recently made a new friend but early in our relationship she mentioned that she has a huge fear of STDs and so of course I am keeping that to myself for the foreseeable future. It doesn't affect her and I have no need to tell her so I am waiting to see how the friendship goes.

I am different when it comes to men. Although I've been single for quite a while now (purely out of choice), when I do meet a man I will tell him right away. (Not like "Hi! Nice to meet you! I have herpes!" More like towards the end of our first date.) That's only because I'm not one of those people who needs a few dates to know how I feel about someone. I always know instantly when it comes to men plus I'm someone who'd rather get that talk out of the way. If there's really something between us then H is not an issue. Plus the waiting gives me more anxiety than the telling in those situations.

I find it harder to tell women personally, but then I find it harder to make friends with women so I imagine that plays a fairly large role in it :)

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The old adage "Ignorance is Bliss" should be followed by a pic of the effect of the herpes virus!!!

I have also found people are happy to be "Sheeple" because real life and learning takes effort. BAAAHHH!!! Not everything comes with a pill to make it go away! 35yrs of a Nasty virus that alters my life made me look in directions I may not have followed. I am a better and healthier person for my pursuits!

I found the easiest way to bring it up is to say I had and continue to get Shingles. You know people look at you with empathy! Go figure, say H and they are repelled. Guess that is their lack of education, glad I protected their minds by saying something they can understand. Everyone can get shingles, only bad people get H!!!!!

I must be REALLY Bad!!!! Now I am really inquisitive regarding the virus and optimistic I will continue to find what is best for me to manage no matter how it manifests itself. Perhaps those making jokes are just feeling the waters or trying to disguise their own affliction as in "if he is talking about and making fun of others then he must not have it". Some people are unknowingly cruel for fun or money! You may have laughed too if you did not have it and would never have noticed others cringing. I was reading on this site about a stand up comic who uses her herpes as her punchlines. Kudos to her and her strength!

People can't judge you the same if you hold yourself above their ignorance by educating yourself. They only end up looking foolish and others will seek you out for help! I actually gained more credibility with a small group of friends I trust by showing my knowledge on this subject. Revelation was not easy but once I did they ask me about all kinds of things they are dealing with I had no idea!!! I can only relate and share my own experiences and studies, up to them what they take away from that. We all struggle with something so our attitude is everything!!!

Mellisuga likes this

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I think the fear of being outed is a bit overblown - you can always make a remark that goes against what people said, and reference some youtube video for your source. Might as well start the conversation somewhere!

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I made an offensive herpes joke once when I was 17, meant for two of my friends who were virgins, and my friend who had been quite sexually active took it as a joke for her. Two years later, I have herpes. It's hard not to think sometimes that this isn't a bit of karma. 

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Im in australia and i dont hear a lot of jokes.  The best answer would be herpes is cold sores.  Same thing different location.

Part of education needs to start with gps. I dont see any brochures in my medical centre about herpes.  Seek out a sexual health centre see if they have brochures.  I worked in aboriginal health and they had a sex ed department.  They educated about stds gave out condoms to aboriginal communities.

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