My bf has genital herpes, I am very worried and have so many questions.

[Jencatz92]

Hi all! I am a 23 yr old female college student who recently got into a relationship with a 23 yr old man who just opened up to me, and confessed he was diagnosed positive for GHSV1 about 5 months ago . I am terribly worried that I might get this infection. I have done my research and read handbooks for Herpes but have yet not found any source with enough evidence that might answer my concerns . I understand that type 2 is far more studied than type 1. I understand all the precautions I have to take due to the fact that since I am female I can get this virus at a greater significant rate than vice versa . I really like this man and wouldn't want to walk away just because of his diagnosis , but I have to admit I am a little scared and feel very stressed out! Some of my concerns are:

1. What is the likelihood I can get this virus if my partner was not on antivirals? again I understand that most of the studies are for type 2 . In the type 2 study, there is a 10% chance from a male to a female without antivirals or condoms having intercourse 2x per week . Given the fact that type 1 sheds 1/3 less would that 10% go down to 3.5%? any numbers?

2. If my partner was to be antivirals and not use protection, since I am on the pill how much of a risk do I pose to acquiring the virus? any % ?

3. What are the odds of acquiring the virus if I was to give him oral sex ?

4. Is there any discordant couples that have had any success with genital type 1?

If any of you have any facts and real experiences that can give me peace of mind I would be so grateful. I know this is a forum and many of you might not have the answers but I rather ask people who know more about this issue than some government website or handbook. Thank you!

[JBnATL]

Hi there, thanks for coming here and educating yourself. The more you know about this, the better you should feel. Here is a link to the best article I have read about transmission rates:

http://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf

I hope you can find reassurance here that you are looking for. The risk is small but will always be there. I myself have hsv2 genital and have been with several women and never passed it. Most people get it from someone who does not know they have it, not from someone who knows. I know many people who were married decades and never passed it to their spouses.

Have you ever been tested? Even if you have never had any symptoms doesn't mean you don't have this virus. Most people who have herpes don't know because they have never been tested and have never had any symptoms. 90% of all adults have hsv1, most get it as a child from a kiss from a relative.

Good luck! I hope you find the answers you are looking for here.

JB

[Jencatz92]

Thank you, would you say a lot of couples acquire Herpes type 1 on 2- 3% per sex act? I forgot to add that I am also negative for type 1 and 2 .

[Jencatz92]

Anyone else that has experienced with this? Thank you.

[Mellisuga]

Have you gone for a test to see if you have HSV1?

The majority of the world's population carry HSV1 in the form of cold sores (caught by family members). The most accurate blood test is the IgG.

Antivirals and condoms are known to greatly reduce the chance of transmission. As well, even something as simple as lube may help, since it would reduce the friction that causes the small tears in the skin that the virus is transmitted through.

Finally - your first post sounds a bit stressed. I would recommend that you take your time making the decision, and don't stress about becoming intimate until you feel comfortable with it. Personally, I could tell you that it takes time to come to grips with being diagnosed, so anyone disclosing to a potential partner should be cognizant of the fact that it might be a lot to take in.

[bayern77]

I was asking this as well a couple weeks ago, the information is very limited on type 1

[Jencatz92]

I tested 2 months ago and came out neg for type 1 and 2. So if there isn't much friction then is it safe to assume that the transmission risk is low?

[SheIsBlue]

jencatz, another important factor about transmission is how well your partner knows his symptoms. If he is having symptoms (tingling or burning) or obviously an outbreak, he should refrain from sex. It's not always that simple since this virus affects everyone differently, but it is something to consider.

[JBnATL]

I was never good at math, but here is something I read that I think puts it in lay-man's terms best:

Many couples have had long term relationships with active sex lives without the spread of Herpes simplex virus. If the partner with HSV is conscious and aware of when an outbreak is beginning (itching, burning, tingling) and refrains from sex until the outbreak is fully healed then transmission is very unlikely.

To give you a realistic idea that demonstrates exactly how safe sex with an HSV+ partner can be, take a look at the numbers provided by scientific studies.

By avoiding sex during an active outbreak chances of virus transmission are 4% a year (Terri Warren, RN, NP – WebMD, 2005). Yes. Per year, not sexual session. Dividing this figure by 365 days (or nights), this makes the possibility of spreading the virus on any given day/night 1%, (0.04 x 1/ 365 = 1.09589041%) or almost 98.91% likelihood that you won’t pass it on.

If also using condoms or anti-viral drugs, it cuts those already-staggering odds in half, to 2% a year. The possibility of spreading HSV on any given night would then become a 0.5% or 99.5% chance that you won’t.

Simply put, 99% odds are excellent. If you had a 99% chance of winning the lottery, would you buy a ticket? You’d be crazy not to. There’s no arguing with that.

Here is the source:

http://www.dynamiclear.com/blog/herpes-transmission.htm

I hope this helps!

JB

[Jencatz92]

Thank you all! , great responses. I am going to make sure he takes antivirals so the transmission risk can be lower. Like I said ,I hate condoms and can't imagine giving him oral while he wears protection . My mind is more at ease knowing that those are very high numbers improves my chances of not getting it.

I have one last question . Since his infection is 5 months in, and from the information I've gathered he is shedding at a higher rate than the average person who has had the infection more than a year. Would it be wise to wait getting intimate since most infections occur within the first year? How much does that 3 to 5% increase since his body is still building antibodies? Has anybody put their sex life on hold and waited a year for the body to adapt to the infection?

Thank you all for the info you guys rock!

[hc287]

Hey there. I am now 24 and my current boyfriend is also 24. I was diagnosed with ghsv 1 a little over a year ago. I had to disclose to my current bf back in January and it was literally the hardest thing I've ever done. So good for you for being understanding. What he did is an act of courage and respect, so keep that in mind when deciding if it's worth it. Would most college aged guys be that honest? Probably not. Anyway, we're about 6 months into our relationship, have never used protection other than birth control, I don't take anti virals and he has not caught it. Not everyone is the same, but for me, it has been a non issue at all other than having to tell him about it

[Jencatz92]

Thank you!your story gives me hope! puts a smile on my face. Yes my bf is a sweetheart for telling me about it, he's a keeper. I hope I can be as lucky as you! My real concern would be genital to oral transmission . Do you receive oral as well?

[hc287]

No, but I'm really just not into it anyway to be honest haha so it's not a huge loss. I think that would pose more of a risk, but not much more, if any. I feel like unless you have an outbreak with ghsv 1, it's pretty difficult to pass. Just make sure you and him both don't have any open sores or any entry way for the virus to get in. More times than not, people get it because of a cut or fissure due to not being lubricated. You can be smart and not get herpes, while dating someone with herpes haha. Just take the precautions you feel necessary and it's really no big deal. Especially type 1. I used to freak out when I first found out and had extreme anxiety but now I literally feel like a dumbass for wasting all that time not focusing on my life. Is it a risk? Yes. Is it worth it for someone you actually care about? That's for you to decide but it's a lot less shitty than society makes it

[Jencatz92]

Thank you so much girl, awesome info! I was stressing I could get this but now I feel safer. So the key is lubricant? and make sure he doesn't have anything weird going down there correct? I know everyone is different but I enjoy oral sex , I just don't know how much of a risk I run if I was to give it to him . I am going to continue searching if that is even possible with Ghsv1 , but thank you so much!

[whatnow1987]

It's like pregnancy huni he takes a pill and you guys hope for the best you might get it in a month in 6 months or never at all

My gf has gh 1 and passed it to her bf within 3 months BUT she is a single mom of 2 kids and is constantly stressed and her bf is unhealthy and stressed I've spoken to so many couples about how even when your sick do not have sex with him cause your immune system is low to me it's all about being healthy and just don't have sex even if he feels the slightest tingle mine is active everyday I feel constant tingling and what not so I know I could pass it even though all my blood tests says negative lol

It's fucked but it's just herpes if he told you that you couldn't catch it you most prob wouldn't blink an eye it's more the having to tell people that scares them

He is worth the risk get him on antivirals stay away when sick the both of you but it's life and it's bad luck but shit happens