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Reading a whole lot about herpes since Mon


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Like many others, I feel so lost.

It's like the end of the world, yet it's not.

A week ago everything seem so fine. But a matter of days and a diagnosis can make the whole world crumble down all of a sudden. I seem to have lost interest in everything. Depression?

Dr checked on Mon and told me it was herpes, no cure for it and you'll just have to recognise the symptoms and deal with it.

Lost, did I get it from my partner? He says he's clean. He's not going to get it tested, not that I think he'd do. How will we progress from here when we've barely got started a year plus ago. Could I have gotten it from him when he doesn't show any symptoms?

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80% of people that have herpes are asymptotic. This means they have NO SYMPTOMS and are totally aware they have it. I have chatted with a few herpsters on this forum that were totally unaware they had the virus....they just want to get a full STD check and included Herpes in their tests....and BAM...they found out they have herpes. What reason is he giving for not getting tested? Maybe he knows he slept with somebody at one point that had the virus but never bothered to get tested since he had no symptoms....and now he has a guilty conscience for not getting tested and being a silent carrier. How long into the relationship before your first OB? Do you practice safe or unprotected sex? The thing about this virus is it can lay dormant for a LONG time. Or you could have had an OB a long time ago and thought it was just an ingrown, razor drag, or hormonal itch. Some first OB are very mild and in some cases unnoticeable. Unless he gets tested you really can't know which of you had it...and even then...if tests positive....how do you know you didn't infect him? Some people will never know who infected them....it is just the nature of this virus. But if you love each other....then this should just be a bump in the road and you will get through it. But it takes BOTH partners to do that....and you can't make each other feel guilty if the infecter truly did not know they were the infecter.

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Bottom line....he has to get tested or I fear it will be a death blow to the relationship and it will be a massive roadblock that neither of you will make it past.

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I would want him to get tested, too. I was just diagnosed with g-hsv1 about 3 weeks ago. My person said that same thing - he was fine with it and didn't think he needed to be tested. I explained why I wanted him to get tested... for everything. Not because I want to try to prove if it was or wasn't him, but we should both be aware of as much as we can now moving forward. So he decided to go get tested on Friday. It made me feel better. Can you explain that for peace of mind, it would help if he went to get tested?

Also, just as my first OB cleared up, I'm rolling into another one. Talk about feeling epically depressed and awful. My person doesn't seem to understand why it is upsetting. At least after reading this thread, I feel a bit less alone. Thanks for your honesty.

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I feel the same way. I'm not finger-pointing too, but I fear that we can't move on in this relationship or any other relationship anymore.

Limegreen, at least your guy is going to get tested, I doubt mine will.

I've always asked for the condom but never insist. That's why I blame myself for being in this state now.

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    • WilsoInAus
      I really suggest that the best thing is for both you and your boyfriend to obtain the Westernblot HSV test. He has a 50%+ chance of being positive and you have a 50%+ chance of being negative. Only the Westernblot can sort this out for you.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @kpn the first thing to note is that it is all OK to have HSV-1 or indeed any HSV type. It is not negligence, it is just being human. Oral HSV-1 is not an STD in the sense that the primary transmission is non sexual and the majority of it occurs between parents to children. If any of your children contracted HSV, you would know it. It wouldn't be a silent infection for children. HSV-2 tends not to shed from the oral region for people who have it there in any event. At age 73, about 80% of the population has HSV-1. There is no reason to believe that your mother isn't one of those people. About half of all carriers of oral HSV-1 do not realise they have it and have no living memory of cold sores as they were infected when very young. The most logical explanation is that your mother has oral HSV-1 from her childhood and that your daughter doesn't have oral HSV. Not that it is relevant to anyone but yourself, but your wife might find she actually has genital HSV-1 having had an untyped swab when she was diagnosed.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @Dylan86 and welcome to the website. First note that you cannot pragmatically become infected with HSV-1 from sharing a drink. If you carry HSV-1, it did not come from that episode. As such it is extremely unlikely HSV-1 is the primary cause of your issues. Can the WB miss a HSV-1 infection? Rarely but its feasible in less than 1% of carriers who test with WB. Note that the WB does not have values, it has positive or negative as you say. It is way more accurate than IgG as it looks for all 30+ antibodies that are in your blood for HSV. Could you have HSV-1? Yes it is feasible, but it would be a very old childhood infection. Could HSV-1 be causing your oral issues? No herpes will not cause the burning mouth syndrome you describe. Could some of the lesions be herpes related? It is feasible if you are a carrier. But it is unlikely to be the primary cause of the issues, but its an opportunistic virus that can cause issues when something else is taxing your immune system. The best thing you can do is the PCR test on a oral lesion and that will be pretty definitive. Either way, in summary. I'd suggest there is <1% chance you are part of about 70% of the population that has HSV-1. Further there is less than a 1% chance that herpes is the primary cause of your issues.   
    • kpn
      My wife has had hsv 2 for around 8 years. We have two young children 3 years old and 18 months old. My wife only had one outbreak when she was first infected so we didn't worry too much about passing it on to our children. I understand the risk to be pretty low under those circumstances. I don't believe my wife took antivirals during either pregnancy. My younger child has diaper rashes pretty often and has had what I thought was hand foot and mouth disease. That was going around the daycare a while back. I haven't really given it much concern though.  About a week ago, my mother kissed my youngest on the lips. My kid was congested at the time but they pretty much always are. About 3 days later, my mother developed a cold sore on her mouth. She has never had cold sores in her life and she is 73 and happily married so she is not going around messing with anyone. She pointed to the fact she had kissed my youngest and presumed that is where she was infected. At first I said that's not possible since my child has never had any cold sores but since then I have really started to consider that maybe it is possible she contracted it from my daughter. This has me worried that my daughter does indeed have hsv2 and was shedding in her mouth. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am really losing sleep about this. Two people I care so much about got hsv from my negligence. I am fine if I were to contract it, I am not worried about what others think at this point in my life. I just don't want anyone else to have it. 
    • CHT
      Hello DavidGua.... based on the two pictures, I'm not seeing anything that resembles a typical herpes outbreak.  I am not sure what those spots are on your penis.  Please have a doctor take a look and I'm sure you'll get a proper diagnosis.  Have you ever received an HSV antibody test (IgG)?  Again, I doubt your symptoms are herpes-related but, if you'd like some peace of mind, you could request the IgG antibody test for HSV2.   Best of luck.... let us know if you have any other questions/concerns.
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