Some Things I Wish I Knew When I was First Diagnosed

[beyonce47]

I am coming up on the six month mark from my initial diagnoses, and I have to say I feel as though I have come leaps and bounds. When I first found out I had contracted G-HSV2, I was in absolute utter shock. I was smack dab in the middle of my sophomore year of college, and never for the LIFE of my thought I would ever have to adapt to this new reality. Herpes, to me, was something "other" people got. People who slept around and were all around gross and untrustworthy individuals. I am, by definition, pretty much your typical college sorority girl. I love having fun with my friends, drinking on the weekends all while maintaining my GPA, and I've hardly ever been sexually promiscuous. I'm not including any of this to be obnoxious- I simply want to highlight how dangerous the mentality of "people like me don't get herpes" can be, and how much my pre-herpes self played into that blatantly false perception. Because suddenly here I was, after never even having a real official boyfriend, tainted, diseased and utterly unlovable. Emblazoned with the scarlet H. I cried, I sobbed, and I mourned the person who I used to be pre-herpes. The kind of girl who could have carefree sex whenever the moment struck, a girl who had never even heard the word "Valtrex" in her 19 years of life. The first few months were rough. I had symptoms, be it actual redness and irritation, to shooting nerve pains, almost every single day for the first four months. It was awful. It wasn't so much that the symptoms were terrible, but rather with every shooting pain down my leg or stabbing in my lymph node, I was a reminded that I was different. I was infected, and now no one would want me. I went throughout the year watching my friends carelessly sleep with boys sans condoms without the slightest consequence, while I remained alone. But one day, I woke up and decided that this was no way to live. After all, just because of some stupid cellular defect, does not mean I should quarantine myself away from all men and let this affect how I view myself. So I researched, and I learned absolutely everything about this condition (cause that's really all it is. A benign SKIN CONDITION). I confided in my mom and a few close friends. I got my doctor to put my on suppressive therapy to relive my bothersome symptoms (which took a while to kick in, but once it did it was a Godsend). And I began to live my life again. And, shock of all shocks, I found that I am still the EXACT. SAME. PERSON. Not tainted, not unlovable, just one with a rather unflattering but HIGHLY TREATABLE medical condition. So I'm honestly over it. I cried, I isolated myself, I bathed in self hatred for months on end. And then I got over it, and I moved on. I am living happy and healthily and not much about my life has really changed. Considering how long it took me to get to this point however, I thought that I would compile a list of some of the things I wish I had known when I was first diagnosed, and adjusting to life with the herp.

1. Herpes is actually NOT THAT CONTAGIOUS. And it's actually extremely likely (as long as your are careful and extremely mindful of your symptoms), that you will never pass it on except perhaps to the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Your husband, yeah will statistically probably get it. But your boyfriend of two years? Statistically it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that you would ever pass it long to him if you are not having sex during outbreaks even if you aren't using other methods of protection. I'm really really really fucking tired of going on this website and hearing people freak out about "maybe transmitting!" and feeling as though they are a walking contagion. Newsflash: you're not. According to a study done by Valtrex, if you are not having sex during your outbreaks, your chance of passing it on to your partner is 4% ANNUALLY provided you are having sex with your partner on average of 3 times per week and you are a female. It is 10% annually if you are a male. Let me repeat, that is your risk ANNUALLY, not your risk per individual sexual encounter. 4%-10% in general are pretty encouraging, even if that was in fact the statistic for each encounter. But it's not. In actuality, the risk of transmitting per encounter is 0.0109% if you are a female, and 0.0274% if you are a male. That is less than 1%, in either scenario. And that is without the use of condoms or suppressive therapy, which can substantially reduce your risk of transmission. Condoms are said to reduce your risk of transmission by about half. This means if you use condoms almost every time you have sex, your risk of transmitting to your partner ANNUALLY is 2% if your are a female and 5% if you are a male. Suppressive therapy on Valtrex is said to reduce your risk of transmission by another whopping 77%. This means that if your using condoms and taking daily Valtrex, you have a less than 1% risk ANNUALLY of tramission for a female to male, and 1.75% for a male to female. Let me reiterate. It is HIGHLY. STATISTICALLY. UNLIKELY. That you would ever transmit this virus to someone you are casually seeing or even a long term partner. Just because you fuck someone does not mean they will get herpes. Just because you fuck someone frequently and consistently does not mean they will get herpes. It is highly highly statistically unlikely that they will contract it. Stop wining about it, listen to science, and move on with your life.
   

http://www.herpes.org/protecting-uninfected-partners/

1. A huge reason why I was unable to have sex for months after I was diagnosed was because I couldn't bear the thought of subjecting this condition, which admittedly can be very painful, on someone who I love and respect enough to engage in sexual relations with. I really struggled with this, and I still continue to do so. However, 80-90% of individuals infected with G-HSV2 have such mild or nonexistent symptoms that they NEVER KNOW THEY HAVE IT. It is such a non issue they have no clue they're even infected. So while I do sometimes worry about one day passing it on to someone that has incredibly painful symptoms, I find comfort in the plain fact that as I just explained above, it is highly unlikely that I would ever pass it on, and even if I unfortunately did, it is statistically unlikely that whoever I do pass it to will not be inconvenienced by painful symptoms. Yet another reason to relax.
   
2. Stop buying into the stigma. Just stop it. All of the dramatics and water works are simply you playing into society's uninformed perceptions of what having herpes means for your character. You are not diseased, unlovable and you will have sex again. GREAT sex. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise, as it really is simply untrue. You are the same smart, accomplished, beautiful person that you were before you contracted this pesky virus, and one stupid cellular defect has no effect on any of those things. You have herpes for life now, and that sucks. You can't change the fact that you contracted it. All you can do is chose how you for forward. By freaking out, crying and screaming that your life is over, all you are doing is perpetuated a stigma manufactured by pharmaceutical companies that thousands of people have frankly let ruin their lives. Don't. It's not worth it. You have herpes. Herpes doesn't have you.
   
3. Disclosure disclosure disclosure…I don't really want to go here because I know this is a REALLY hot button issue on this forum and I do not want people to come at me for this post. So all I will say is respect yourself, respect your partner and listen to your body. Make whatever decision on this issue that you feel is right for you, as it is your choice alone to make. Oh feel free to check out this post http://hsvheather.tumblr.com/post/91804029828/why-i-cant-help-but-think-disclosing-is-totally
   
4. TEA TREE OIL. the stuff is amazing!! Seriously it took me 5 months to discover this bad boy, and it's actually literally changed my life. And if tea tree oil isn't your cup I tea, I would encourage anyone to try any homeopathic remedies until you find one that works, because it took me so long to investigate this avenue and its proved to be a huge benefit to me and my symptoms.
   
5. Life will go on. And you will be okay.
   

[Tennesseeguy85]

Such an encouraging and beautiful post.

[Dreamer10]

Awesome... Freaking awesome

[HolisticGirl]

Thank you for posting this....it is truly a great read. And you are right...it is not as contagious as they make us believe. Thank you for your words of wisdom and giving all herpsters HOPE. Because it has been 4 years since my diagnosis and I still have points where I feel tainted, unlovable and damaged. But you are right I am still the same person I was before the virus...the public stigma makes it hard to remember that..and I appreciated you giving me strength to ALWAYS remember that. Thank you again for putting everything in perspective.

[newhere]

Very helpful, thank you. But what about tea tree oil? Apply to lesions?

[beyonce47]

thanks everyone for the positive feed back!! Sending love and good vibes to all

Very helpful, thank you. But what about tea tree oil? Apply to lesions?

Sorry, I finished this post up in a rush and I should have been more specific! But yes, whenever you feel the first sign of irritation or a lesion just apply a few drops of tea tree oil on the area and I've found it literally stops the outbreak in its tracks. It's an extremely potent solution. It's very cheap also, and you do not need to use a lot of it in order for it to be effective. It can be found at your local CVS, near the nail care aisle! (I think this is because people also use it on their cuticles). Good luck!!

[Constant Diplomat]

Undiluted tea tree? Doesn't it burn?

[Carver]

This is a great post! Thank you so much for sharing! 

[scaredbuthopeful2015]

Tea tree oil will burn, but often so does the OB right?  Tea tree oil is a natural antiseptic and antiviral...so is lavender oil.

[Singlemomoftwo]

Thank you, Beyonce!! This weekend I also snapped out of it, even more than I did a month ago. I was diagnosed with g-hsv1 2 months ago. I read the disclosure online pamphlet from Adrial Dale and my perspective on - you're right - this inconvenient skin condition - has totally changed. I liked your "you have H, it doesn't have you". The pamphlet also says who we are is more important than what we have. And last, and I gotta pat myself on the back for this one, b/c I thought of it on my own: those who have cold sores on their lips don't have cold sores on their lips 365 fucking days of the year, and neither will I on my girly parts, man!!

Although, unfortunately I am one of those 4% who passed it on to a male (I'm female), during the incubation period nonetheless  good thing he and I are super cool, he never made as huge a big deal as I did and I felt so guilty. My worry now is cross contamination (see my recent post about transmission between positive partners and give me your 2 cents...?)

thanks for the tee tree oil - I will try it. Seems like my susbsequent OB is staying around too long... I'm not on daily suppressants, though, because well, frankly I just wanted to see how my body would cope... Then again I am pre-menaupausal so my hormones are out of whack... perhaps Valtrex would help...

thanks again!! It's a learning process and most of us will freak out... a right of passage, I suppose, but you're absolutely right!!

[Singlemomoftwo]

Wow. Tea tree oil is fantastic!!

[Cinderellathefake]

THANKYOU SOO MUCH FOR THIS POST! It literally took the stress about this bullshit OFF my shoulders. I absolutely love every word & every fact you put into this. I really needed to read this. 

[moonrae]

Really great post!!

[hsv1owner]

Pretty much the place I've come to after gHSV-1 dx. Move on people, stop feeding the stigma.

[Createss Galore]

thanks everyone for the positive feed back!! Sending love and good vibes to all

 

 

Sorry, I finished this post up in a rush and I should have been more specific! But yes, whenever you feel the first sign of irritation or a lesion just apply a few drops of tea tree oil on the area and I've found it literally stops the outbreak in its tracks. It's an extremely potent solution. It's very cheap also, and you do not need to use a lot of it in order for it to be effective. It can be found at your local CVS, near the nail care aisle! (I think this is because people also use it on their cuticles). Good luck!!

Does it come in different strengths or solutions, or something? Do you buy yours anywhere or do you search for a certain kind or brand? Thanks!

[scaredbuthopeful2015]

Young living oils are one of the top brands of essential oils....however they do cost a little more.  There are many good quality therputic brands.  You need to look for a 100 % essental oil brand....as long as they are, they should do the trick.

I used to sell young living, and as far as I know it does not come in different strengths as some essential oils do...but can be diluted or used in combination with other essential oils.  It can also be called Melaleuca...so just be aware of this fact.

Edited October 8, 2015 by scaredbuthopeful2015

[Being@Peace]

OMG, your posting was ON POINT!!!! I am 1 month out(HSV 1 & 2(asymptomatic), and I through all of the emotions, then I realized who I am !!! I choose to be pro-active and Educate myself. I hardly even think about it..If I allow myself to be depressed about it then I am truly hurting my body process for healing and staying mentally aware. I'm going to read this again...Its so Inspirational!!!! Thank you..I chose to tell the person I had been intimate for awhile(short story) t to get tested, and he told me "he wasn't going to get tested because he just had Hip Surgery and they took Labs"" I told that fool, they don't give you an IGG test when you are going to have surgery(unless something changed that I don't know about). Anywho, 2wks later I asked him again and he said he wasn't going to get tested. I told him, at least I care enough about u to tell u. My days are filled with smiles and prayers, I did my part and that all I can do. By the way, I don't here from him, not even an hello, and that just shows me he never was my friend(even after 20 yrs of knowing this person).. So much Clarity and Happiness(believe it or not). P.S. my gut feeling says I got it from him.

[Scared12345]

Thanks so much. A year and a half later i must say this is always on my mind. I obsess about it actually. It's so refreshing to read your stats about the unlikliness of passing it. Although I don't believe you will eventually pass it to their husbands/ wives. Many couple are together forever and don't pass it 

[Createss Galore]

Young living oils are one of the top brands of essential oils....however they do cost a little more.  There are many good quality therputic brands.  You need to look for a 100 % essental oil brand....as long as they are, they should do the trick.

I used to sell young living, and as far as I know it does not come in different strengths as some essential oils do...but can be diluted or used in combination with other essential oils.  It can also be called Melaleuca...so just be aware of this fact.

I've heard of Melaleuca and young living oils too. Do you use tea tree 100% yourself, without mixing it with anything or diluting it?

[scaredbuthopeful2015]

I have, but not on my H....on my kids when they previously had lice lol.  I think my outbreak has FINALLY subsided after 5 weeks.  If I continue to have the itching after I finish my period in a few days, I will try tea tree because it is such a good antiseptic.

II'm glad you have heard of young living...they really are an amazing brand...and they have some amazing combination product and vitamins to target specific ailments.

[november13]

tea tree oil is LIFE

[Lost&Confused]

I was just diagnosed about a month ago with ghsv1 and I have been scared since to be intimate with anyone in scared of transmitting it. this post really made my day, hell it even made my month because it has been such an emotional rollercoaster and this post was uplifting in so many ways. Thank you 

[LoveLife526]

THANK YOU BEYONCE!!! Now in December will be a year and it's just been a roller coaster full of emotions for me.  You not only educated me but brought tears of joy and hope.  I have not been able to build courage and open up to ANYONE to talk about my condition.  I just found this forum a few days and decided to write today.  My case it that I get really extra itchy before my period and I think I'm gonna have an OB.  I've been moody lately and I think this is not helping me. I've been taking Valtrex daily and started lysine.  I'm definitely trying the free oil today.  Anyway, I want you to know that I value all your information specially knowing that the chances of transmitting H to my partner is minimal.  I didn't know this.  I just have been avoiding sex as much as possible and this has been hurting my relationship.  After reading your post I have high hope that my life will sooner rather than later be back to normal XOXO

[Zlice]

Can someone make this sticky?

[LinksJ]

On 6/25/2015 at 10:43 PM, beyonce47 said:

I am coming up on the six month mark from my initial diagnoses, and I have to say I feel as though I have come leaps and bounds. When I first found out I had contracted G-HSV2, I was in absolute utter shock. I was smack dab in the middle of my sophomore year of college, and never for the LIFE of my thought I would ever have to adapt to this new reality. Herpes, to me, was something "other" people got. People who slept around and were all around gross and untrustworthy individuals. I am, by definition, pretty much your typical college sorority girl. I love having fun with my friends, drinking on the weekends all while maintaining my GPA, and I've hardly ever been sexually promiscuous. I'm not including any of this to be obnoxious- I simply want to highlight how dangerous the mentality of "people like me don't get herpes" can be, and how much my pre-herpes self played into that blatantly false perception. Because suddenly here I was, after never even having a real official boyfriend, tainted, diseased and utterly unlovable. Emblazoned with the scarlet H. I cried, I sobbed, and I mourned the person who I used to be pre-herpes. The kind of girl who could have carefree sex whenever the moment struck, a girl who had never even heard the word "Valtrex" in her 19 years of life. The first few months were rough. I had symptoms, be it actual redness and irritation, to shooting nerve pains, almost every single day for the first four months. It was awful. It wasn't so much that the symptoms were terrible, but rather with every shooting pain down my leg or stabbing in my lymph node, I was a reminded that I was different. I was infected, and now no one would want me. I went throughout the year watching my friends carelessly sleep with boys sans condoms without the slightest consequence, while I remained alone. But one day, I woke up and decided that this was no way to live. After all, just because of some stupid cellular defect, does not mean I should quarantine myself away from all men and let this affect how I view myself. So I researched, and I learned absolutely everything about this condition (cause that's really all it is. A benign SKIN CONDITION). I confided in my mom and a few close friends. I got my doctor to put my on suppressive therapy to relive my bothersome symptoms (which took a while to kick in, but once it did it was a Godsend). And I began to live my life again. And, shock of all shocks, I found that I am still the EXACT. SAME. PERSON. Not tainted, not unlovable, just one with a rather unflattering but HIGHLY TREATABLE medical condition. So I'm honestly over it. I cried, I isolated myself, I bathed in self hatred for months on end. And then I got over it, and I moved on. I am living happy and healthily and not much about my life has really changed. Considering how long it took me to get to this point however, I thought that I would compile a list of some of the things I wish I had known when I was first diagnosed, and adjusting to life with the herp.

 

 

1. Herpes is actually NOT THAT CONTAGIOUS. And it's actually extremely likely (as long as your are careful and extremely mindful of your symptoms), that you will never pass it on except perhaps to the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Your husband, yeah will statistically probably get it. But your boyfriend of two years? Statistically it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that you would ever pass it long to him if you are not having sex during outbreaks even if you aren't using other methods of protection. I'm really really really fucking tired of going on this website and hearing people freak out about "maybe transmitting!" and feeling as though they are a walking contagion. Newsflash: you're not. According to a study done by Valtrex, if you are not having sex during your outbreaks, your chance of passing it on to your partner is 4% ANNUALLY provided you are having sex with your partner on average of 3 times per week and you are a female. It is 10% annually if you are a male. Let me repeat, that is your risk ANNUALLY, not your risk per individual sexual encounter. 4%-10% in general are pretty encouraging, even if that was in fact the statistic for each encounter. But it's not. In actuality, the risk of transmitting per encounter is 0.0109% if you are a female, and 0.0274% if you are a male. That is less than 1%, in either scenario. And that is without the use of condoms or suppressive therapy, which can substantially reduce your risk of transmission. Condoms are said to reduce your risk of transmission by about half. This means if you use condoms almost every time you have sex, your risk of transmitting to your partner ANNUALLY is 2% if your are a female and 5% if you are a male. Suppressive therapy on Valtrex is said to reduce your risk of transmission by another whopping 77%. This means that if your using condoms and taking daily Valtrex, you have a less than 1% risk ANNUALLY of tramission for a female to male, and 1.75% for a male to female. Let me reiterate. It is HIGHLY. STATISTICALLY. UNLIKELY. That you would ever transmit this virus to someone you are casually seeing or even a long term partner. Just because you fuck someone does not mean they will get herpes. Just because you fuck someone frequently and consistently does not mean they will get herpes. It is highly highly statistically unlikely that they will contract it. Stop wining about it, listen to science, and move on with your life.

 

http://www.herpes.org/protecting-uninfected-partners/

 

1. A huge reason why I was unable to have sex for months after I was diagnosed was because I couldn't bear the thought of subjecting this condition, which admittedly can be very painful, on someone who I love and respect enough to engage in sexual relations with. I really struggled with this, and I still continue to do so. However, 80-90% of individuals infected with G-HSV2 have such mild or nonexistent symptoms that they NEVER KNOW THEY HAVE IT. It is such a non issue they have no clue they're even infected. So while I do sometimes worry about one day passing it on to someone that has incredibly painful symptoms, I find comfort in the plain fact that as I just explained above, it is highly unlikely that I would ever pass it on, and even if I unfortunately did, it is statistically unlikely that whoever I do pass it to will not be inconvenienced by painful symptoms. Yet another reason to relax.
2. Stop buying into the stigma. Just stop it. All of the dramatics and water works are simply you playing into society's uninformed perceptions of what having herpes means for your character. You are not diseased, unlovable and you will have sex again. GREAT sex. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise, as it really is simply untrue. You are the same smart, accomplished, beautiful person that you were before you contracted this pesky virus, and one stupid cellular defect has no effect on any of those things. You have herpes for life now, and that sucks. You can't change the fact that you contracted it. All you can do is chose how you for forward. By freaking out, crying and screaming that your life is over, all you are doing is perpetuated a stigma manufactured by pharmaceutical companies that thousands of people have frankly let ruin their lives. Don't. It's not worth it. You have herpes. Herpes doesn't have you.
3. Disclosure disclosure disclosure…I don't really want to go here because I know this is a REALLY hot button issue on this forum and I do not want people to come at me for this post. So all I will say is respect yourself, respect your partner and listen to your body. Make whatever decision on this issue that you feel is right for you, as it is your choice alone to make. Oh feel free to check out this post http://hsvheather.tumblr.com/post/91804029828/why-i-cant-help-but-think-disclosing-is-totally
4. TEA TREE OIL. the stuff is amazing!! Seriously it took me 5 months to discover this bad boy, and it's actually literally changed my life. And if tea tree oil isn't your cup I tea, I would encourage anyone to try any homeopathic remedies until you find one that works, because it took me so long to investigate this avenue and its proved to be a huge benefit to me and my symptoms.
5. Life will go on. And you will be okay.

 

You are a selfish !*@*, because clearly you dont disclose and dont take this virus seriously. You are the reason many of us end up here to begin with. Stop applauding this girl, please.