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disclosure advice?

slowfall

By slowfall
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slowfall Honeycomb Member

slowfall

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I’ve recently began dating someone I really care about and we have had lots of unprotected sex, and I never disclosed to him that I carry hsv1. Last week I had to take a day after pill, and the hormones in the pill stimulated the virus and gave me a minor outbreak. Now I want to disclose to my new partner that I have hsv1, but I feel terrible to disclose after having unprotected sex. Is it awful to lie and tell him that I just now found out? I'm very new to having hsv and have never disclosed before.

I know that it was extremely selfish that I didn't disclose my condition before we were sexually active, but I’d like to make it right now. I’m 21 years old and haven’t had hsv1 for even year and most of the time I don’t think about it because I so rarely have symptoms, or i guess I just haven’t accepted it as my reality.

Any disclosure advice is much much appreciated. I know that my choice of non-discloser was cruel and I'd like to find the courage and tools to be more honest and accepting of this condition.

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JBnATL Platinum Support Member

JBnATL

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First off, you are human and human's make mistakes. It was a mistake for you not to disclose but you can make things right by telling him.

I have given the 'talk' about a dozen times and have NEVER been rejected. Here is a link to a post I made here about how I disclose:

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/messageforum/threads/how-i-give-the-talk.52875/

Also here is a link to an article on transmission rates, make sure you have this information handy when you tell him:

http://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf

Good luck!

JB

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november13 Established Member

november13

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There are worse things than saying you just found out. Is it completely honest? No. But if it will help you disclose to him now, maybe it's a better option than continuing to not disclose. You could say you thought you were having an adverse reaction to the morning after pill (yeast infection or something?) so you went to the doctor and they said it was gHSV1. Idk. Good luck!

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VVK Platinum Support Member

VVK

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So technically both of you didn't disclose. I hope you've considered other possible STDs that aren't herpes.. always keep them in mind when going into an intimate relationship. If possible STD screenings are desirable.

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november13 Established Member

november13

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update: disclosure went extremely well. told him 100% truth! turns out he also carried to hsv1..

congrats!

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