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Confused and ashamed


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First outbreak... I didn't know it was herpes the emergency room had told me I had a uti. But I went to my gyno and she looked at it and right away told me you have herpes. I wanted to cry and not live anymore once I heard that. I didn't know who gave it to me. And I'm in so much pain does anyone have any tips to cope with pain or how to get a pain medication prescribed. I got the anti viral medicine. But anyway I had been having sex with my now ex boyfriend for 6 months, also one day he noticed a sore on his penis which I took no notice to thinking it was a razor bump. But he got into an arguement about me giving him an std because at the time my vagina was itching, it turned out I had a vaginal yeast infection. But anyway he told me he has gotten tested before we even gotten together... I had broken up with him about two weeks ago due to him being in jail etc, I didn't want to be with someone like that anymore. So I found a new man, who's a marine.. The outbreak did not happen until after I had sex with him... Our sex was really rough. But he assured me he has not had sex with anyone else and had no unusual bumps. I believe it was my ex who had given me it... I just wonder if he cheated on me or he could've had it knowingly or is it possible for it not to come up in the test? And as of last night my ex has had some symptoms of burning and pains and also burning while peeing, all the same symptoms I have had... I have been so terrified and worried he will not want to be with me but he assured me it won't change how he feels because it wasn't my fault. I still feel dirty and nasty and I feel like I wouldn't want to have sex for a while atleast.. I am scared to I don't want to give this to anyone else I would feel terrible. But please share your advice with me as on if you think my ex could've had this before me and not of known or he just cheated on me.

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Very sorry to hear your situation. If peeing is painful pour a glass of lukewarm water as your peeing, hurts less. I used a spray pain OTC- dermaplast- hurt like hell going on but did give some relief. Also Desitin? For diaper rash keeps any sores drier and provides some relief. I used aquapore. Plus dresses and or loose pants and underwear. I used Advil and it also helped. I could barely sit down and laying in bed was about the only comfortable position. The antivirals will help but it takes a few days.

Not gonna lie, it sucks. I wondered who was my giver and even after knowing, it doesn't really matter or help. They probably didn't know they had it and since blood tests are not that reliable they are rarely included in std testing. So when ppl say they're tested, I bet not for hsv. I would say maybe more like the new guy could be the giver? You broke out after sex with him. Did dr do a culture or a blood test?

Hope you feel better soon!

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They say 80% of people with herpes don't know they have it because they never show symptoms or the symptoms are mild and confused with something else. It could've been your ex. He may or may not have known. Or you could've had it for a while and not known. When I had my first outbreak, I also got bacterial vaginosis, and the first doctor I went to say my two little bumps and said they were just ingrown hairs. If I didn't go back to the doctor (because it started to burn when I peed) I wouldn't have known any better. It's very easy to miss.

How were you tested? Did you have the sores swabbed? Did the test tell you what type? Did you get a blood test? If you were only visually diagnosed, make sure you go back in (I think it's) 4 months and have a blood test done. People have been misdiagnosed before with a visual diagnosis. And you will want to know the type is so you can learn what the risk are for spreading it, etc. Also, if someone already has the same type as you, it'd be hard to spread it to another location. Do you know if either your ex or current boyfriend have ever had cold sores? I got genital HSV1 from oral sex. It may be the case that neither of them have genital herpes and you got it that way. If so, it'd be very unlikely that you'd spread it back to them in another location (if they have 'cold sores' orally, then you probably couldn't spread it to their genitals because they are have antibodies). If you want to know if you've had it for at least 4 months, you could demand a blood test now. If it shows up negative (but in 4 months from now it shows up positive) for herpes, then you know it's a new infection; the test looks for antibodies and if it's a new infection you won't have any yet.

Like newhere said, finding out where you got it from really won't change anything. Assuming you actually have herpes, you have it. Knowing who to blame won't change that reality. Focus on yourself instead and figuring out how to feel better about yourself and your diagnosis. You are NOT dirty. This is just a stigmatized virus. Let your boyfriend love you and remind you that you ARE still sexy.

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I am so sorry to hear about yiur situation. Like November said 80% of people have it and dobt know so it makes it hard to pinpoint where it came from. Though from my understanding of the virus, you most likely got it from someone newly infected as that is when the virus is most contagious and they were probably asymptotic. For the pain I take a bath with 2 cups Epsom salt with about 10 drops of lavender essential oil. Try to sit in there for at least 20-30 minutes.

I hope you feel better soon!

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      Hi @Anxious 1234 Did you get diagnosis for this?
    • Damian
      Hi @WhatDidIDo2023, hopefully all is well with you and your significant other and are still together.   Did she develop any other symptoms after you mentioned her getting itchiness? Was it determined what you had was contagious? Most likely developed a fungal disease and caused her a yeast or uti 
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