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2 years in and NO SEX...should I leave?

KCares

By KCares
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KCares Honeycomb Member

KCares

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He's handsome, smart, cooks for me, cleans for me, good job, 2 degrees, own place, no kids, God fearing total package and Yes I told him 2 dates in that I have HSV-2...I gave him the option to stay or go now we are 2 years in and still no sex...I've told him plenty of times that if this isn't what he wants leave and I know it would hurt but he hasn't....this is only getting deeper...I'm 28 and he's 31...we have keys to each other places we sleep in the same bed we kiss but again no sex? I truly believe he is my life partner...smh whats a girl to do...any thoughts?

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forever_optimistic Honeycomb Member

forever_optimistic

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You've been together for two years and still haven't had sex? I think if he's ever going to accept you for having H you would've had sex already. I guess it depends what you're looking for in a relationship, but I couldn't go two years into one and still not have had sex. Do you do other things beside kissing? Oral? Does he show any sign that he has "needs"?

I don't really know what to advise but I know if it were me I don't think I could put up with it. And it doesn't come down to just not having sex, it comes down to feeling like there's no acceptance for having H. And that sucks x

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HolisticGirl Established Member

HolisticGirl

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I would come right out and ask him why there is no sex yet. Let him know you want to take it to the next level. I would have information printed and ready to show him on transmission rates. Female to male is 4% per YEAR and that is no antivirals and no condom (no sex during outbreak or symptoms), if you are on antivirals it drops it down to like 2% per YEAR and if you use condoms and antivirals it is like 1% risk of transmitting to him (and this is all on the no sex during outbreaks or symptoms). This is per year...not per sexual act. You have had it for awhile so you are past that 1 year of really contagious part (that seems to be when most people transmit due to high viral shedding as it is a new infection in the body) Ask him if your relationship is worth walking away from with such a small risk of transmission to him. Sounds like he really loves you or he wouldn't stay. But you can't have a relationship with no sex. Sex isn't everything but it is bonding and if that continues it is only a matter of time before one or both steps out for the sexual connection... We as humans need to feel we are loved, sexy and wanted.

You just need to open the can of worms....he might be really frightened of the virus as he is most likely poorly educated on it as a large percentage of the population is...even doctors! He needs to crap or get off the pot. Not fair to either one of you to live in limbo.

Good luck!

Good luck!

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SheIsBlue Acknowledged Support Member

SheIsBlue

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I agree with the others and they make valid points. Maybe he is afraid and you can try sex once on a special occasion, like your anniversary, and see if he is receptive to that. If you want to have children some day, you need to know what's going on with him. Have a conversation and get the truth so you can work this out. Hopefully, he comes around sexually and you can stay in what otherwise seems to be a great relationship. Keep us posted.

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KCares Honeycomb Member

KCares

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I will definitely keep you ladies updated...Every time I think about it I feel like a fool if I were to just let it go but then reality sets in and I'm like man this is hard...I think I'm going to just roll with God on this one and stay a little bit longer and hope for the best...we all take risk for LOVE...I'm willing to take that risk and be patient...if it doesn't work out in the end I will come out if it knowing how I should be treated by a man...He is definitely one of a kind. God Bless you all!

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KCares Honeycomb Member

KCares

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KCares, what was the blood test you had and the results? Have you ever had an outbreak?

No I have never had an OB and blood test came back positive...I have to look up the specific test its been so long.

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