Nervous to break-up.

[Alice28]

Wanted to share my story as I am still not brave enough to talk to anyone about this yet. I've been with my boyfriend a year and half, I come from a very religious and conservative upbringing so sex before marriage was never for me. My boyfriend is not of my faith but we've pursued our relationship.

I made the decision to share intimacy with him annnnnnd as luck would have it GHSV1 shows up. We've both been tested and I've been dealing since my first and only OB so far since May. I am now sexually traumatized. My boyfriend and I are well but I'm not sure if we should remain together for a variety of reasons.

We have been discussing a lot of things, I'm sad that we shared something so intimate but more sad that now I feel cursed forever. Part of me wants to stay together because I am TERRIFIED of dating and rejection based on HSV. I am a great girl, always been confident and accomplished and this feels like such a black mark on my record.

Any advice?

[Mellisuga]

Hey Alice,

I want you to know that you are not alone in these experiences, nor in how you feel. I also came from a very conservative family, and only became intimate with one person my entire life. Unfortunately, it just so happens that I caught HSV2 from that guy, and yes we broke up. I know that this is a scary place to be in.

Nonetheless - and this is important - it is NEVER "ok" to remain with a person just because you have an STD. If you feel like the two of you are not a good match, and that you both cannot work on the relationship, then you should leave. I understand that you fear rejection, but remaining in a mediocre relationship is worse.

I understand how this feels like a black mark on your record. I have my days when this brings me down too. However, after speaking to a few people, I've come to realize that this "black mark" is something that we create in our heads. Yes, I'm sure there are others that see it that way too - but more importantly, there are people who don't, and ultimately, its THOSE people that you will want to be with. It doesn't matter how good of a person you are - there will always be people who will not like you, who you cannot please ect. The goal is to stop impressing the people you don't care about and to search for the people worthy to share your life with. We're only looking for one partner at the end of the day - they better be spectacular, and yeah, they have to accept this part of us too.

You are afraid of rejection now. The most important thing you could do for yourself is to stop rejecting you - because that's what you are telling yourself right now. You are saying that you are not good enough anymore. Cut that out. You are just as good a person now as you were before, and you can become a better person still. No one is perfect, no matter how perfect they look on the outside, and I'm sure you weren't perfect before herpes either. Herpes is just a virus, one that A LOT of people have. In fact, if you had to get genital herpes, you are pretty lucky that its HSV1 - these are most commonly known as coldsores, and usually frequent the mouth. Some stats say that up to 80-90% of the world's population has these viruses (on the face) and they are typically caught by family members. You could read more about how to disclose to a partner on these forums later - just rest assured that this isn't a big deal - it doesn't affect your reproductive health, nor directly affect your life in general. Its a virus that affects your skin, and is in the same family of viruses as chickenpox. Some people will be freaked out about it, yeah, but people freak out about a lot of things anyway.

So, in short - if you need to break up, then leave the relationship. Go get some new experiences, rediscover who you are and get the support from us or others when you need it. Nothing is stopping you.

However, don't let herpes be the reason to breakup either. You need to have an open and honest talk with your boyfriend about how you feel in the relationship. Only you can decide what's right for you.

[Alice28]

Hey Alice,

I want you to know that you are not alone in these experiences, nor in how you feel. I also came from a very conservative family, and only became intimate with one person my entire life. Unfortunately, it just so happens that I caught HSV2 from that guy, and yes we broke up. I know that this is a scary place to be in.

Nonetheless - and this is important - it is NEVER "ok" to remain with a person just because you have an STD. If you feel like the two of you are not a good match, and that you both cannot work on the relationship, then you should leave. I understand that you fear rejection, but remaining in a mediocre relationship is worse.

I understand how this feels like a black mark on your record. I have my days when this brings me down too. However, after speaking to a few people, I've come to realize that this "black mark" is something that we create in our heads. Yes, I'm sure there are others that see it that way too - but more importantly, there are people who don't, and ultimately, its THOSE people that you will want to be with. It doesn't matter how good of a person you are - there will always be people who will not like you, who you cannot please ect. The goal is to stop impressing the people you don't care about and to search for the people worthy to share your life with. We're only looking for one partner at the end of the day - they better be spectacular, and yeah, they have to accept this part of us too.

You are afraid of rejection now. The most important thing you could do for yourself is to stop rejecting you - because that's what you are telling yourself right now. You are saying that you are not good enough anymore. Cut that out. You are just as good a person now as you were before, and you can become a better person still. No one is perfect, no matter how perfect they look on the outside, and I'm sure you weren't perfect before herpes either. Herpes is just a virus, one that A LOT of people have. In fact, if you had to get genital herpes, you are pretty lucky that its HSV1 - these are most commonly known as coldsores, and usually frequent the mouth. Some stats say that up to 80-90% of the world's population has these viruses (on the face) and they are typically caught by family members. You could read more about how to disclose to a partner on these forums later - just rest assured that this isn't a big deal - it doesn't affect your reproductive health, nor directly affect your life in general. Its a virus that affects your skin, and is in the same family as chickenpox. Some people will be freaked out about it, yeah, but people freak out about a lot of things anyway.

So, in short - if you need to break up, then leave the relationship. Go get some new experiences, rediscover who you are and get the support from us or others when you need it. Nothing is stopping you.

However, don't let herpes be the reason to breakup either. You need to have an open and honest talk with your boyfriend about how you feel in the relationship. Only you can decide what's right for you.

Thank you SOOOOOO much for your thorough and thoughtful response!!! This brought me tears of joy to hear and am so grateful you can relate. I understand what you are saying completely and prior to this experience I hadn't struggled with my worth and confidence and need to settle. In a round about way it's been a very humbling experience, though I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Thank you so much again I am sending you a big virtual hug. People have often seen me as perfect and having the perfect life and this comes to show that we all have our problems and we shouldn't judge or assume what anyone is going through. I strive to always live by the golden rule for that reason.

Thank you again, I have begun working again on my daily prayer to pray for peace and comfort and strength. Yeah so far just the one OB and working to stay positive. I hope the best for you as well and know I am here for you too. I agree my boyfriend and I need to spend some time discussing things. Thank you again for your comfort.

[Dreamer10]

Hey Alice,

I want you to know that you are not alone in these experiences, nor in how you feel. I also came from a very conservative family, and only became intimate with one person my entire life. Unfortunately, it just so happens that I caught HSV2 from that guy, and yes we broke up. I know that this is a scary place to be in.

Nonetheless - and this is important - it is NEVER "ok" to remain with a person just because you have an STD. If you feel like the two of you are not a good match, and that you both cannot work on the relationship, then you should leave. I understand that you fear rejection, but remaining in a mediocre relationship is worse.

I understand how this feels like a black mark on your record. I have my days when this brings me down too. However, after speaking to a few people, I've come to realize that this "black mark" is something that we create in our heads. Yes, I'm sure there are others that see it that way too - but more importantly, there are people who don't, and ultimately, its THOSE people that you will want to be with. It doesn't matter how good of a person you are - there will always be people who will not like you, who you cannot please ect. The goal is to stop impressing the people you don't care about and to search for the people worthy to share your life with. We're only looking for one partner at the end of the day - they better be spectacular, and yeah, they have to accept this part of us too.

You are afraid of rejection now. The most important thing you could do for yourself is to stop rejecting you - because that's what you are telling yourself right now. You are saying that you are not good enough anymore. Cut that out. You are just as good a person now as you were before, and you can become a better person still. No one is perfect, no matter how perfect they look on the outside, and I'm sure you weren't perfect before herpes either. Herpes is just a virus, one that A LOT of people have. In fact, if you had to get genital herpes, you are pretty lucky that its HSV1 - these are most commonly known as coldsores, and usually frequent the mouth. Some stats say that up to 80-90% of the world's population has these viruses (on the face) and they are typically caught by family members. You could read more about how to disclose to a partner on these forums later - just rest assured that this isn't a big deal - it doesn't affect your reproductive health, nor directly affect your life in general. Its a virus that affects your skin, and is in the same family of viruses as chickenpox. Some people will be freaked out about it, yeah, but people freak out about a lot of things anyway.

So, in short - if you need to break up, then leave the relationship. Go get some new experiences, rediscover who you are and get the support from us or others when you need it. Nothing is stopping you.

However, don't let herpes be the reason to breakup either. You need to have an open and honest talk with your boyfriend about how you feel in the relationship. Only you can decide what's right for you.

Wow, great response