In shock - need words of encouragement

[Carolinagirl1419]

I feel like I could bawl my eyes out. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

I've never had an outbreak. I've never had any symptoms. I basically found out after a random check-up with my doctor.

I went it for a physical, Pap smear and blood work to make sure I was still healthy. Anytime my doctor asks me if I want to be checked for STDs I say "yes", but not because I sleep around. In fact, I rarely have sex. But I'm a hypochondriac and think I could get an STD from a dirty toilet seat.

When my doctor called me today and told me my blood work came back positive for the heroes virus, I literally was in shock. That was the LAST thing I expected to hear. And now I'm literally sick to my stomach, wondering how this happened when I practice safe sex, don't sleep around and when it did happen. I almost didn't believe her since I've never had an outbreak.

I'm not sure if I'm happy or mad that she told me not to worry. She told me herpes is actually extremely common and more people have it than we actually think. She even told me she had amother girl she had to call today and tell her she tested positive, even though she hasn't had any symptoms either.

My head has a billion thoughts going through my head. I feel dirty. I feel trashy. I've always tried to be a good person and make good choices and now I think why me?!

I want to get married. I want to have a family. I feel like no one is going to want me. How am I supposed to have that conversation with someone who wants to date me?! Why would they want to still date me and put themselves at risk??? What does this mean for my future?! I don't want to tell someone I have herpes. I don't want anyone knowing that. I'm SO ashamed of myself.

I'm so down right now. I want to cry. I want to go home and crawl in bed and never talk to anyone again.

[blue84]

Sometimes shit happens but the simple simple fact you find out its end of world.. You migth done best thing .. You save people from getting a std ... Because you need disclose .. Another thing is that your life isn't worse than before results.. You don't get blisters or pain.. You have blood stream doesn't bug u is a gift ..to others here that suffer in pain every month or every other day .. It's not HIV ...you won't die .. U be ok just protect yourself use condoms ..and pay attention to past maybe you figure out who give u herpes ..not like it matters.. But u find out if its orally or vagina*

[Dreamer10]

I am sorry you are experiencing this, I have been there. I could have written this post verbatim as I found out just like you during a routine pap. Every emotion you noted have been experienced by all of us until we became knowledgeable of H. It will get better with time. Please know that H does not discriminate and it's not an attack on your character or sexually activity. Many people acquire HSV1 void of sex. You are the same amazing person you were just minutes before the call from you doctor. Believe that!!!

H does not barr you from love, a husband, a family or any other thing you want. Cry if you want, scream if you want, be pissed if you want BUT most importantlyFORGIVE yourself and with forgiveness the spirit of shame will dissipate.

Coming from someone who knows, it gets better and will smile again.

By the way, I have both 1 & 2 what about you??

[Dreamer10]

I am sorry you are experiencing this, I have been there. I could have written this post verbatim as I found out just like you during a routine pap. Every emotion you noted have been experienced by all of us until we became knowledgeable of H. It will get better with time. Please know that H does not discriminate and it's not an attack on your character or sexually activity. Many people acquire HSV1 void of sex. You are the same amazing person you were just minutes before the call from you doctor. Believe that!!!

H does not barr you from love, a husband, a family or any other thing you want. Cry if you want, scream if you want, be pissed if you want BUT most importantlyFORGIVE yourself and with forgiveness the spirit of shame will dissipate.

Coming from someone who knows, it gets better and will smile again.

By the way, I have both 1 & 2 what about you??

[Carolinagirl1419]

I am sorry you are experiencing this, I have been there. I could have written this post verbatim as I found out just like you during a routine pap. Every emotion you noted have been experienced by all of us until we became knowledgeable of H. It will get better with time. Please know that H does not discriminate and it's not an attack on your character or sexually activity. Many people acquire HSV1 void of sex. You are the same amazing person you were just minutes before the call from you doctor. Believe that!!!

H does not barr you from love, a husband, a family or any other thing you want. Cry if you want, scream if you want, be pissed if you want BUT most importantlyFORGIVE yourself and with forgiveness the spirit of shame will dissipate.

Coming from someone who knows, it gets better and will smile again.

By the way, I have both 1 & 2 what about you??

So you never had any symptoms? Or had symptoms after you found out from your routine pap?

I've literally never had symptoms or an outbreak. I've tried to think back to any time that something may have been a symptom and I just ignored it, but I literally can't think of anything. It's almost unreal. Unbelieveable. Like, is this really true?

My doctor said its type 2.

I was at work today and literally had a panic attack just thinking of having to tell someone I have it. And then my mind started drifting to what if I told someone I had it and then they told everyone and then my friends find out. I just feel like I'd be viewed as this dirty person. All while to process how this is even true when I've never experienced it at all.

And then I think about the few guys I have slept with in the past few years. None of them have reached out or said anything. So is this something I only had the pleasure of getting?

I don't even know where to start when it comes to dating. I've been spending all day just reading and feeling sick to my stomach. I saw where there are dating sites for people who have it, but even that scares me.

This is the worst day EVER. I can't even believe it.

[WilsoInAus]

Hang on a minute here Carolinagirl... has the test come back identifying HSV-1 antibodies in your blood?

If so this a an oral infection from childhood and nothing that has arisen sexually, nor is it anything to be particularly worried about. You are different to about 70% of people out there. There is no need to forgive yourself or blame anyone.

[Carolinagirl1419]

Hang on a minute here Carolinagirl... has the test come back identifying HSV-1 antibodies in your blood?

If so this a an oral infection from childhood and nothing that has arisen sexually, nor is it anything to be particularly worried about. You are different to about 70% of people out there. There is no need to forgive yourself or blame anyone.

Yes, we did blood work to test my cholestoral and all that, and I asked her to test everything - hepatitis, HIV, herpes, etc. just because I think that's something everyone should have checked often. And she called me today to say that I had the HSV-2

[Dreamer10]

Carolinagirl, that is correct I found out in September 2012 after having all my tests run as well. I have not gotten and outbreaks in the form of sores/blisters but in the last year I get tingles that never manifest to anything more than that. I am learning that with H there seems to be no absolutes as it relates to outbreaks, initial or otherwise that everyone experience so yes you can be positive without incidence.

If you have genital 2, one of your past guys had to pass to you and it's possible he didn't know either due to a lack of symptoms on his end.

Again, I know how you feel and all about the anxiety you are feeling in all regards. It's a lot of bonafide information out there the will help you understand H a lot better and nothing less than that and time will help you to accept this diagnosis.

[WilsoInAus]

Carolinagirl... but you have never had an outbreak right?

You need to get the test results. You need to understand if you had an IgM or IgG test (or both) and what the numerical results were.

[Carolinagirl1419]

Carolinagirl... but you have never had an outbreak right?

You need to get the test results. You need to understand if you had an IgM or IgG test (or both) and what the numerical results were.

I haven't noticed anything that would count as an outbreak. Nothing that seemed off. But I've read that someone people don't even know they've had one or just mistake it for something else. I mean, occasionally I may have a razor burn from shaving. Or sometimes I got a rash from wiping too hard on my backside, or razor burn from shaving. And I workout and sweat A LOT and my other doctor told me that it was from staying in sweaty clothes for a long time. But it wasn't anything that would even romotely think of herpes being the case.

And what's even weirder is, the few guys I've slept with over the last 2 years have never mentioned anything to me about any potential outbreaks and that I need to get checked. Not sure if that's normal or not.

What do the numbers have to do with it?

[WilsoInAus]

First thing is that an IgM test is very flawed, often triggering a positive but does not diagnose a HSV infection at all. Some doctors go by this though.

IgG tests are also falsely positive quite a bit. A Herpeselect test result must be above 3.5 to suggest an infection, especially as you've not had an outbreak.

All up, things don't seem at all confirmed to me. You may have no concerns regarding herpes at all!!!

[Carolinagirl1419]

First thing is that an IgM test is very flawed, often triggering a positive but does not diagnose a HSV infection at all. Some doctors go by this though.

IgG tests are also falsely positive quite a bit. A Herpeselect test result must be above 3.5 to suggest an infection, especially as you've not had an outbreak.

All up, things don't seem at all confirmed to me. You may have no concerns regarding herpes at all!!!

But what if the numbers come back and say I don't? And then if I have another rash and get her to do a culture just to check and it says I do? Which one is right??

[Carolinagirl1419]

And is it possible the razor burn or rash is actually an outbreak??

[WilsoInAus]

Not all rashes are herpes, in fact a rash is usually not herpes. They are more patches with blisters within. If your IgG test is negative then you do not have herpes.

[Createss Galore]

Not all rashes are herpes, in fact a rash is usually not herpes. They are more patches with blisters within. If your IgG test is negative then you do not have herpes.

Can an IgG test be done online/through mail?

[Carolinagirl1419]

Not all rashes are herpes, in fact a rash is usually not herpes. They are more patches with blisters within. If your IgG test is negative then you do not have herpes.

Well my doctor wrote me back this morning and my IgG value is ">23.60". Based on what I read on the internet, that is extremely high and means I've had it for a while.

I literally couldn't sleep last night. I'm sick to my stomach. I have no appetite. I don't want to do anything but lay in bed and cry. How could I have not known I had this? I feel like my life is over. I laid in bed thinking about having to tell someone that I have herpes and almost had a panic attack. I can't imagine dating. I can't imagine thinking that anyone would be ok with wanting to date me. The anxiety and fear and depression is UNREAL right now

[Carolinagirl1419]

Not all rashes are herpes, in fact a rash is usually not herpes. They are more patches with blisters within. If your IgG test is negative then you do not have herpes.

Well my doctor wrote me back this morning and my IgG value is ">23.60". Based on what I read on the internet, that is extremely high and means I've had it for a while.

I literally couldn't sleep last night. I'm sick to my stomach. I have no appetite. I don't want to do anything but lay in bed and cry. How could I have not known I had this? I feel like my life is over. I laid in bed thinking about having to tell someone that I have herpes and almost had a panic attack. I can't imagine dating. I can't imagine thinking that anyone would be ok with wanting to date me. The anxiety and fear and depression is UNREAL right now

[Dreamer10]

Hugs to you! It will get better.

[DrearyDaysAhead]

I'm so sorry CarolinaGirl.I feel the exact same way.I worry about how I'm ever going to date again knowing I have this, and I am terrified to tell anyone, but I hope there are people who will accept us.

[Carolinagirl1419]

I just don't even know where to begin to cope with this. I don't feel like I'm ever going to feel normal again

[WilsoInAus]

There are still a few issues to work out here. What was the positive value? Was it 1.1? Please be vigilant here, some doctors are notoriously bad. For some tests, 20 is the positive cut off.

When the infection is confirmed there may be some other things to consider, but I suggest we do that with private messages if you like.

[Createss Galore]

I just don't even know where to begin to cope with this. I don't feel like I'm ever going to feel normal again

You've already begun to cope with it by coming here and sharing how you feel. You will feel normal again, though it will be a new normal. Yes, a sad thing has happened and there is no going back. But as time goes by you will find your own way of adapting and adjusting. It's similar to the death of a loved one, when you've never experienced it. You never get over it, but the pain lessens with time and you do laugh again.

[Createss Galore]

I feel like I could bawl my eyes out. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

I've never had an outbreak. I've never had any symptoms. I basically found out after a random check-up with my doctor.

I went it for a physical, Pap smear and blood work to make sure I was still healthy. Anytime my doctor asks me if I want to be checked for STDs I say "yes", but not because I sleep around. In fact, I rarely have sex. But I'm a hypochondriac and think I could get an STD from a dirty toilet seat.

When my doctor called me today and told me my blood work came back positive for the heroes virus, I literally was in shock. That was the LAST thing I expected to hear. And now I'm literally sick to my stomach, wondering how this happened when I practice safe sex, don't sleep around and when it did happen. I almost didn't believe her since I've never had an outbreak.

I'm not sure if I'm happy or mad that she told me not to worry. She told me herpes is actually extremely common and more people have it than we actually think. She even told me she had amother girl she had to call today and tell her she tested positive, even though she hasn't had any symptoms either.

My head has a billion thoughts going through my head. I feel dirty. I feel trashy. I've always tried to be a good person and make good choices and now I think why me?!

I want to get married. I want to have a family. I feel like no one is going to want me. How am I supposed to have that conversation with someone who wants to date me?! Why would they want to still date me and put themselves at risk??? What does this mean for my future?! I don't want to tell someone I have herpes. I don't want anyone knowing that. I'm SO ashamed of myself.

I'm so down right now. I want to cry. I want to go home and crawl in bed and never talk to anyone again.

Don't continue to be ashamed of yourself. We can't prevent and control everything, no matter how much we try. Many things happen that are out of our control. We ask why, why me; and there is no answer. Of course there is a grieving process. You have lost something; the way you were before; but you're still you. As far as dating, you can choose to date within the H-community, where you don't have to plan to give the talk; or you can learn to comfortably give the talk and date outside; or you can choose to do both. You don't have to tell anyone whom you don't want to tell. You don't have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

[Carolinagirl1419]

Don't continue to be ashamed of yourself. We can't prevent and control everything, no matter how much we try. Many things happen that are out of our control. We ask why, why me; and there is no answer. Of course there is a grieving process. You have lost something; the way you were before; but you're still you. As far as dating, you can choose to date within the H-community, where you don't have to plan to give the talk; or you can learn to comfortably give the talk and date outside; or you can choose to do both. You don't have to tell anyone whom you don't want to tell. You don't have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

It's hard. I try to tell myself that I'm the exact same person I was before I knew. It's just that I know now. Based on my results, it seems like I've had it for a while, so again, I try to think that nothing has changed since it wasn't anything newly acquired.

I was playing volleyball last night and was looking around and felt so outcasted. I kept thinking "look at all these normal people. People who are herpes free". It was so hard interacting with my friends thinking that if they knew my secret, they would be disgusted. I would see attractive guys and think there is no way I have a chance with them now.

And the worst part is, when people think of H, they think worst case scenario. They think about the horrible outbreaks with all the blisters. I've never had that, ever. And it makes me want to cry thinking if I share the fact that I have H with someone, that will automatically be their first though.

[miss_ama]

I was so scared of rejection when I found out, I basically mentally resigned myself to a long time alone and celibate because I thought it would be AGES before I was comfortable enough to tell any prospective partner. But I'm happy to report that about a month after my diagnosis I met a great guy and we hit it off and even though I was so scared and embarrassed and cried like a baby when I told him, it was like ripping off a band aid and luckily he was so nice and understanding and other than asking a few safety questions things progressed just like any other romantic situation. I've dated a couple guys since him, and it's always nerve-wracking bringing it up but I've never had anyone be anything but kind and understanding. Of course I still have sad days and get self concious even when I'm in a great relationship, but life goes on and it stops being such a big scary part of your life.