Will my boyfriend ever forgive me? Really need advice.

[Jordanf]

I recently contracted herpes and unknowingly passed it on to my boyfriend of 2 years. He was horrified and immediately broke up with me. I am 19 and he is 20. I really want to know if there is any possible chance that he will ever forgive me.

Let me further explain the situation. It's kind of a long story, I have to first explain how I got herpes.

My boyfriend and I were very much in love, but I was living 500 miles away in Florida at the time, temporarily living with a family member. Long story short, I met a man who took advantage of me while I was unconscious (I had taken drugs and drank alcohol). When I woke up, I knew what happened because my pants were down and I was horrified, I instantly ran our the door and drove home. I never spoke a word about it to anyone, not even my boyfriend, because I was so disgusted and scared. I just wanted to pretend it never happened.

Within the next couple of days, I decided I wanted to go back home to my boyfriend and leave Florida, so I did. I developed a little red bump "down there" the day before I went back to my boyfriend. I thought it was just a pimple, because that's what it looked like. And I certainly didn't think it was herpes.

But after I saw my boyfriend and we had sex, he developed a little red bump too. That's when I got scared. That's when I realized that it could be an STD from the man who took advantage of me. And that's when I told my boyfriend about what happened.

He was very upset that I didn't tell him, but he still stayed with me. About a week later I went to the doctor and tested positive for HSV 1 and 2. I told him I was positive, and he broke up with me right then and there. Because I kept this secret from him and it resulted in him contracting herpes from the person he loved and thought he could trust, he told me he couldn't be with me anymore.

When he first broke up with me, he told me he just needed time to get his head on straight and that we could probably give things another try in the future. He said he still loved me and still thought I was amazing, I just broke his trust.

As time went on, he started to say he lost all feelings.

We still text each other and see each other sometimes. Sometimes we even stay the night with each other and cuddle, but we aren't really in love anymore.

Some days he tells me he has forgiven me, and some days its really obvious that he is really mad at me for giving him herpes.

I know I made a huge mistake by not telling him what happened. And now we both have herpes. But I just want to know, does anyone think it's possible that he will forgive me? If he really did love me like I thought he did, will he ever come around and be able to forgive me and accept that I made a mistake? It's been 2 months since the diagnosis, and he's still angry. Will he always be angry at me, despite how in love we were?

[Scared12345]

I recently contracted herpes and unknowingly passed it on to my boyfriend of 2 years. He was horrified and immediately broke up with me. I am 19 and he is 20. I really want to know if there is any possible chance that he will ever forgive me.

Let me further explain the situation. It's kind of a long story, I have to first explain how I got herpes.

My boyfriend and I were very much in love, but I was living 500 miles away in Florida at the time, temporarily living with a family member. Long story short, I met a man who took advantage of me while I was unconscious (I had taken drugs and drank alcohol). When I woke up, I knew what happened because my pants were down and I was horrified, I instantly ran our the door and drove home. I never spoke a word about it to anyone, not even my boyfriend, because I was so disgusted and scared. I just wanted to pretend it never happened.

Within the next couple of days, I decided I wanted to go back home to my boyfriend and leave Florida, so I did. I developed a little red bump "down there" the day before I went back to my boyfriend. I thought it was just a pimple, because that's what it looked like. And I certainly didn't think it was herpes.

But after I saw my boyfriend and we had sex, he developed a little red bump too. That's when I got scared. That's when I realized that it could be an STD from the man who took advantage of me. And that's when I told my boyfriend about what happened.

He was very upset that I didn't tell him, but he still stayed with me. About a week later I went to the doctor and tested positive for HSV 1 and 2. I told him I was positive, and he broke up with me right then and there. Because I kept this secret from him and it resulted in him contracting herpes from the person he loved and thought he could trust, he told me he couldn't be with me anymore.

When he first broke up with me, he told me he just needed time to get his head on straight and that we could probably give things another try in the future. He said he still loved me and still thought I was amazing, I just broke his trust.

As time went on, he started to say he lost all feelings.

We still text each other and see each other sometimes. Sometimes we even stay the night with each other and cuddle, but we aren't really in love anymore.

Some days he tells me he has forgiven me, and some days its really obvious that he is really mad at me for giving him herpes.

I know I made a huge mistake by not telling him what happened. And now we both have herpes. But I just want to know, does anyone think it's possible that he will forgive me? If he really did love me like I thought he did, will he ever come around and be able to forgive me and accept that I made a mistake? It's been 2 months since the diagnosis, and he's still angry. Will he always be angry at me, despite how in love we were?

Love is powerful. If it's is true love he will come back if it's not then it's not true love and there is someone out there for you. You are still so young. Also be lucky you only got a red bump and not a full blown outbreak like me.

[Jordanf]

Love is powerful. If it's is true love he will come back if it's not then it's not true love and there is someone out there for you. You are still so young. Also be lucky you only got a red bump and not a full blown outbreak like me.

Thank you for the response. That's what I keep trying to tell myself, but this guy really is one of a kind and I really love him. Things were so good between us and then I screwed everything up. I feel really guilty and horrible for hurting him.

[Scared12345]

Give him time. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you hope to have another chance when he is ready. This diagnoses is a scary thing I got really down and depressed. I had major anxiety and hard time in my relationship. Now I'm single again and scares to pass it.

[Scared12345]

My ex Pushed and pushed until I lost it and I stopped giving a shit. Don't push him. He didn't give me time and space. Now I want nothing to do with him

[Jordanf]

My ex Pushed and pushed until I lost it and I stopped giving a shit. Don't push him. He didn't give me time and space. Now I want nothing to do with him

I did push at first, and that's when he started to completely lose interest. At first he was willing to try to forgive me, then after I put pressure on him, he didn't want to try anymore. I've learned to give him space now, but i'm afraid it's too late. I'm just afraid I really wrecked everything. I ruined something amazing.

[Jordanf]

When we see each other I can feel the chemistry still there. I know we could work things out, but that's only if he chooses to forgive me. But whenever I try to bring up the herpes thing, he's instantly reminded that I gave it to him, and in those moments I can tell how angry he is with me. I can tell he's really confused and doesn't know what to think or feel. I just wish I knew what my chances are of him forgiving me, or him just cutting me out of his life and hating me forever.

[lexyz22]

When we see each other I can feel the chemistry still there. I know we could work things out, but that's only if he chooses to forgive me. But whenever I try to bring up the herpes thing, he's instantly reminded that I gave it to him, and in those moments I can tell how angry he is with me. I can tell he's really confused and doesn't know what to think or feel. I just wish I knew what my chances are of him forgiving me, or him just cutting me out of his life and hating me forever.

I'm in a similar situation myself. My girlfriend gave me herpes.

The anger you feel at times towards someone you love is the strangest thing, I mean its borderline hatred sometimes... having experienced the pain that herpes brings.

I myself dont know how to cope with the feelings sometimes.

[Jordanf]

I'm in a similar situation myself. My girlfriend gave me herpes.

The anger you feel at times towards someone you love is the strangest thing, I mean its borderline hatred sometimes... having experienced the pain that herpes brings.

I myself dont know how to cope with the feelings sometimes.

I know sometimes he hates me for it. I can see the anger come and go, but I know I deserve it, so I deal with it.

Do you still really love your girlfriend and think you can overcome the situation?

[WilsoInAus]

Hold on, hold on. Jordanf...

What blood test did you have. Get a printout of the results if you do not already. You are looking for IgG and IgM antibody tests and whether they were type specific for HSV-1 and HSV-2 or combined HSV1/2 tests.

[livingthiscrazylife]

I agree with giving him space...tell him when he's ready to discuss his feelings you will be there and leave it at that. When he is ready ..dont make it about you or the relationship. Let him express his feelings..he does NOT have the right to be disrespectful but unless he is being disrespectful let him vent.

Also you guys are so young. 19 and 20..... and I am pretty sure he is not just thinking about this relationship..don't assume his anger is all about you. It may be anger at himself, anger about the stigma herpes has in society, anger about having to deal with this at such a young age, even anger at comparing himself to other young men.

Not to mention other emotions like fear and confusion.

A friend of mine who was diagnosed with herpes went on to date her giver for an year simply because she felt trapped....she believed the herpes virus bonded them together. After an year she realized this was a huge mistake and ended the relationship.

Forgiveness needs to come naturally and even if he TRULY forgives you....he still might not want to continue a relationship...one does not equal the other.

I wonder if you are looking for forgiveness or if your concern is really the fear the relationship has ended?

[Hunter Haltand]

I know it's been a few months since this post was created but I felt a need to reply.

Judging from my own experience, I think it is possible for your boyfriend to forgive you. I contracted herpes from my wife a number of years ago. She didn't tell me about having herpes and I was extremely angry that she hadn't shared this with me. The question that kept coming to me was "How does one forgive someone when the act has created a permanent change in one's life (and not for the better)?"

It was several years later, but I found the book Forgiveness is a Choice by Robert D Enright. The book provides a step-by-step guide through the forgiveness process. The book starts out saying "The first step in forgiving is recognizing that you are angry . . . ." Another part is seeing the situation from the other person's perspective. "We focus only on a few aspects of the offender’s personality or we dwell on what he or she did to us without seeing that there is a richer story for us to understand." To make a long story short; it helped me a lot. My wife and I are closer than we've ever been.

Depending on how your boyfriend is doing he might not be ready to forgive. It was several years before I was ready. When the time comes, and if he's is serious about forgiving you, I think this book can help.

Edited January 21, 2016 by Hunter Haltand
Misspelled word.

[lexyz22]

^ So are you ok with your wife now? Im sure it once affected your relationship, but does it now?

Also do you have any children out of interest?

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