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Still trying to adjust


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I've been diagnosed for about a month now, and I know the good/bad day feeling. I posted on here last week about it actually. Talking with others on here has helped me, and time.

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I have been diagnosed about 2 months. I think im better. Then i think NO im NOT! But time helps. After a while of feeling bad, which is entirely deserved, but after awhile you have to stop and ask yourself what are you telling yourself about this? No one will ever want you again, youre dirty and feel disgusting. How will you have children. What if people found out? Those are about the worst fears, right? For me they are. (Except that i am not worrying about kids at my advanced age) I call those fears legitimate concerns perhaps, but you have no proof this is true or is YOUR future, in fact lots of proof that is definitely is not true. That if people "find out" you will be judged, scarlet H. But in fact what happens mostly is people say oh yeah im positive or my sister is or someone they know is. And its no big deal. This place normalizes it too and that helps. Besides getting enough sleep and trying to eat well (not doing very good at that) and exercise (not so much on that either lol but im trying) for me it helps when i am trying not to get ahead of myself. I feel like worrying about a relationship or the "talk" before there is even anyone to worry about is kind of a waste of time. And that the more i accept my situation without shame or guilt or accepting societies stigma (it is really just a skin condition), the better the "talk" will go when and if i do have to have it.

Right now im just trying to figure out how H works in me, a getting to know you sort of phase lol. Im allowing that. But im going swimming and in the sun a few times since dx, and i have coffee and chocolate if i want. Im not depriving myself of anything. Im taking lysine with a b complex. plus vit d. coconut oil topically. valcylovir. I cant tell if the lysine does anything but i think the b complex is good for me.

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