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disappointed123

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I am waiting for my results but I am pretty sure this is really happening. I feel like such a loser and I hate myself right now. What if I have something else! HIV?! I can't stop shaking and I am freaking out.

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I had a stupid fling. Went to the clinic today and the doctor was about 90% sure that's what is wrong. So I had her check everything. I have been crying all day but feeling a little better now after talking to my sister. But not I am sitting here freaking out about the what ifs. What if I have something worse! What would I do. I would not want to live. I feel so low right now.

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Yeah all of it. I insisted. When will I hear results I wonder? I have read almost every post here today. Makes me feel better for a second until I over think it again. I have come to term temporarily with the H but now I just want the scary blood test results and then I can move on I think. Or at least try to come to terms with this. Just super freaked out about the bad one

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OMG disappointed 123, I'm in the EXACT BOAT!!! :((

I'd been using condoms previously with the good guys, I come across some young punk and NOT use one? Was I crazy? He's totally denied it, ignored my calls/texts. Claims he's clean and now I'm wondering, wtf else did he lie about??!! I got tested for HIV on Minday but I wanna make sure the lab performs the correct test (p24 antigen, which detects the virus after 2weeks Max of possible exposure), after that, this test is no good and u have to the traditional way (3-6mths after exposure). I'm a nervous wreck!! I have two kids, newly separated, this was supposed to be my new life!! Me and my girls! Now, I can't even enjoy my wine like I used to, I have to be in tune with all this prodrome stuff, but you know what, it's better than HIV. My kids need me, I can't die. I can't stress too much b/c of a recurrent outbreak, can't do this, can't do that and what's with the can't have sex b/c it might cause an outbreak, wtf?! And people say it's not so bad? I hate myself for that one-nighter and I had planned him to be my last (we started with condom but it broke so due to booze, we shrugged it off and continued unprotected, neither of us came anyway). I was ready to start something serious next time, I was over with the hook ups and FWB thing, now look!! I cry sporadically, I feel like a horrible mom for possibly getting HIV on top of all this, my Gawd, what an IDIOT!! I also smoke so wtf, I'm supposed to change my entire life to accommodate this THING that entered my body?? I don't even want to TRY to date someone 'clean' for fear of rejection/transmission. I'm 40 and am currently taking Famvir. Started it on day 2 of initial (or what I think it is??!) outbreak. So I've been on it for 5 days and already feeling better but now going through prodrome? ALREADY?? Another round coming up? Seriously? My GAWD I need my daily 2-3 glasses of wine, come on!! I can cut down on the cola but my wine?? I stress easily, can you tell? I need a hug.

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I can't possibly be getting another outbreak while being treated on meds for my first...??!

Is there a suppressive drug out there that will allow me to drink? Listen, I'm not an alcoholic - I'll drink weekends but this week since being diagnosed, has been too much.

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And yes it's stupid that I snoke, I fell off the wagon after leaving my hubby in Jan. it's my vice! So much to deal with - oh and kids have lice LOL (*eye roll), we all have bibittes.

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Didn't need a swab. Day 1 of outbreak, was visually examined, doc touched 3 diff areas and said 'we're done here. Yup, it's Herpes'. It was clear as day. Even I knew it after looking in mirror and trust me, I'd gotten quite acquainted with my red velvet, i'd had chronic yeast infections that I'd finally been able to stop thanks to boric acid suppositories. Those yeast infections were hindering my sex life... man I wish I could go back...

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But you should confirm this. Visual diagnoses are only 75% accurate with a true expert! Further you will learn type and this will shape your expectations of future outbreaks and risks to partners etc.

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Holy crap. I had an epiphany this am. it's starting to make sense. A few mths ago, I noticed a couple pimples down there. Didn't hurt/itch/think much about it (maybe I had sweat dancing one night or left a wet swimsuit on too long). A month after I saw my ex, he had a cold sore. I thought maybe he got it from another woman he'd been dating. This am I tried rembering how many cold sores he's had throughout our 15 yr marriage: at least once. A week prior to my outbreak, I'd been having a lot of sex, sure, diff partners, but a lot of sex in one week. That's a lot of friction. Enough to cause a bladder infection, which I thought was my second one since being separated. A lot of friction can cause an outbreak. All of the research I've done... says you can have it for YEARS before having an outbreak... could it be..? Could it be either my ex had infected me or vice versa YEARS ago (we were faithful to one another I know ... well he did go to a strip club in Moscow...) anyway, could it be??? It's starting to make sense... All of a sudden as I was putting the pieces together, the tension in my back just let go... Omg, in a way I'm relieved... in another though, I may have infected three guys (2 who FWB had turned into BFs, 1, the punk I've been pinning this on)... Omg... I could have had this all along! I should have a convo with my ex, huh...

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Well most women infected with genital HSV1 know it, most painful experience of their lives its often said. Yes what you say is possible, but the smoking gun usually fired the shot if you know what I mean.

I still think you should wait for results before jumping too far ahead.

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OMG disappointed 123, I'm in the EXACT BOAT!!! :((

I'd been using condoms previously with the good guys, I come across some young punk and NOT use one? Was I crazy? He's totally denied it, ignored my calls/texts. Claims he's clean and now I'm wondering, wtf else did he lie about??!! I got tested for HIV on Minday but I wanna make sure the lab performs the correct test (p24 antigen, which detects the virus after 2weeks Max of possible exposure), after that, this test is no good and u have to the traditional way (3-6mths after exposure). I'm a nervous wreck!! I have two kids, newly separated, this was supposed to be my new life!! Me and my girls! Now, I can't even enjoy my wine like I used to, I have to be in tune with all this prodrome stuff, but you know what, it's better than HIV. My kids need me, I can't die. I can't stress too much b/c of a recurrent outbreak, can't do this, can't do that and what's with the can't have sex b/c it might cause an outbreak, wtf?! And people say it's not so bad? I hate myself for that one-nighter and I had planned him to be my last (we started with condom but it broke so due to booze, we shrugged it off and continued unprotected, neither of us came anyway). I was ready to start something serious next time, I was over with the hook ups and FWB thing, now look!! I cry sporadically, I feel like a horrible mom for possibly getting HIV on top of all this, my Gawd, what an IDIOT!! I also smoke so wtf, I'm supposed to change my entire life to accommodate this THING that entered my body?? I don't even want to TRY to date someone 'clean' for fear of rejection/transmission. I'm 40 and am currently taking Famvir. Started it on day 2 of initial (or what I think it is??!) outbreak. So I've been on it for 5 days and already feeling better but now going through prodrome? ALREADY?? Another round coming up? Seriously? My GAWD I need my daily 2-3 glasses of wine, come on!! I can cut down on the cola but my wine?? I stress easily, can you tell? I need a hug.

Sending hugs

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Well most women infected with genital HSV1 know it, most painful experience of their lives its often said. Yes what you say is possible, but the smoking gun usually fired the shot if you know what I mean.

I still think you should wait for results before jumping too far ahead.

He got tested and it's ghsv1. I'll get swabbed tomorrow too and will most likely have same result.

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Well most women infected with genital HSV1 know it, most painful experience of their lives its often said. Yes what you say is possible, but the smoking gun usually fired the shot if you know what I mean.

I still think you should wait for results before jumping too far ahead.

He got tested and it's ghsv1. I'll get swabbed tomorrow too and will most likely have same result.

... the guy I unknowingly passed it on to.. which is a load of guilt in itself :(

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Oh my lord I feel your stress thru the message. Yes get the tests done. All my damn tests came back negative. Which is supposed to be a good thing. But I know what I had. It's gone now but I will never forget. I am taking all the stuff I learned on this website and just trying to be good to my body. But yes I smoke and I drink my wine. As u said. It's my vice as well. I am so sorry we all have to go thru this. It's always on my mind. And there is no point in me even looking at guys anymore. I am sooooo done. Somehow we will get thru this and be happy someday

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But you should confirm this. Visual diagnoses are only 75% accurate with a true expert! Further you will learn type and this will shape your expectations of future outbreaks and risks to partners etc.

75% is wrong?! So what else could this be?

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Oh my lord I feel your stress thru the message. Yes get the tests done. All my damn tests came back negative. Which is supposed to be a good thing. But I know what I had. It's gone now but I will never forget. I am taking all the stuff I learned on this website and just trying to be good to my body. But yes I smoke and I drink my wine. As u said. It's my vice as well. I am so sorry we all have to go thru this. It's always on my mind. And there is no point in me even looking at guys anymore. I am sooooo done. Somehow we will get thru this and be happy someday

My situation was symmetric to yours 3 doctors say it was cellulitis and then I got a cure performed which came back as hsv growth. Therefore, I order blood work performed all negative everything. 2 months later all negative again. Then a std specialist tested me below. 90 rather @ .50 which is below hsv load criteria. Well as you stated "I know what I experienced" and it was painful. Thanks to Christ Jesus for healing me spiritually, and physically, now I have to work on my mind. I really contemplated suicide, but the Bible got me through it and this site as well. It's been almost a year since that primary outbreak life has been a lot better.

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My situation was symmetric to yours 3 doctors say it was cellulitis and then I got a cure performed which came back as hsv growth. Therefore, I order blood work performed all negative everything. 2 months later all negative again. Then a std specialist tested me below. 90 rather @ .50 which is below hsv load criteria. Well as you stated "I know what I experienced" and it was painful. Thanks to Christ Jesus for healing me spiritually, and physically, now I have to work on my mind. I really contemplated suicide, but the Bible got me through it and this site as well. It's been almost a year since that primary outbreak life has been a lot better.

It could as be yeast over growth, or candida test by spitting in a clear glass early in the morning but eating. Doctors don't have an interest in this; however, they are more qualified to diagnose you then myself. People speak bad about doctors as if they have endured the intense education, training, and practice we must stop that some are good doctors. Finally, whatever, our situation is there appears to be something trying to get out of the body.

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    • WilsoInAus
      I really suggest that the best thing is for both you and your boyfriend to obtain the Westernblot HSV test. He has a 50%+ chance of being positive and you have a 50%+ chance of being negative. Only the Westernblot can sort this out for you.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @kpn the first thing to note is that it is all OK to have HSV-1 or indeed any HSV type. It is not negligence, it is just being human. Oral HSV-1 is not an STD in the sense that the primary transmission is non sexual and the majority of it occurs between parents to children. If any of your children contracted HSV, you would know it. It wouldn't be a silent infection for children. HSV-2 tends not to shed from the oral region for people who have it there in any event. At age 73, about 80% of the population has HSV-1. There is no reason to believe that your mother isn't one of those people. About half of all carriers of oral HSV-1 do not realise they have it and have no living memory of cold sores as they were infected when very young. The most logical explanation is that your mother has oral HSV-1 from her childhood and that your daughter doesn't have oral HSV. Not that it is relevant to anyone but yourself, but your wife might find she actually has genital HSV-1 having had an untyped swab when she was diagnosed.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @Dylan86 and welcome to the website. First note that you cannot pragmatically become infected with HSV-1 from sharing a drink. If you carry HSV-1, it did not come from that episode. As such it is extremely unlikely HSV-1 is the primary cause of your issues. Can the WB miss a HSV-1 infection? Rarely but its feasible in less than 1% of carriers who test with WB. Note that the WB does not have values, it has positive or negative as you say. It is way more accurate than IgG as it looks for all 30+ antibodies that are in your blood for HSV. Could you have HSV-1? Yes it is feasible, but it would be a very old childhood infection. Could HSV-1 be causing your oral issues? No herpes will not cause the burning mouth syndrome you describe. Could some of the lesions be herpes related? It is feasible if you are a carrier. But it is unlikely to be the primary cause of the issues, but its an opportunistic virus that can cause issues when something else is taxing your immune system. The best thing you can do is the PCR test on a oral lesion and that will be pretty definitive. Either way, in summary. I'd suggest there is <1% chance you are part of about 70% of the population that has HSV-1. Further there is less than a 1% chance that herpes is the primary cause of your issues.   
    • kpn
      My wife has had hsv 2 for around 8 years. We have two young children 3 years old and 18 months old. My wife only had one outbreak when she was first infected so we didn't worry too much about passing it on to our children. I understand the risk to be pretty low under those circumstances. I don't believe my wife took antivirals during either pregnancy. My younger child has diaper rashes pretty often and has had what I thought was hand foot and mouth disease. That was going around the daycare a while back. I haven't really given it much concern though.  About a week ago, my mother kissed my youngest on the lips. My kid was congested at the time but they pretty much always are. About 3 days later, my mother developed a cold sore on her mouth. She has never had cold sores in her life and she is 73 and happily married so she is not going around messing with anyone. She pointed to the fact she had kissed my youngest and presumed that is where she was infected. At first I said that's not possible since my child has never had any cold sores but since then I have really started to consider that maybe it is possible she contracted it from my daughter. This has me worried that my daughter does indeed have hsv2 and was shedding in her mouth. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am really losing sleep about this. Two people I care so much about got hsv from my negligence. I am fine if I were to contract it, I am not worried about what others think at this point in my life. I just don't want anyone else to have it. 
    • CHT
      Hello DavidGua.... based on the two pictures, I'm not seeing anything that resembles a typical herpes outbreak.  I am not sure what those spots are on your penis.  Please have a doctor take a look and I'm sure you'll get a proper diagnosis.  Have you ever received an HSV antibody test (IgG)?  Again, I doubt your symptoms are herpes-related but, if you'd like some peace of mind, you could request the IgG antibody test for HSV2.   Best of luck.... let us know if you have any other questions/concerns.
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