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Had sex and haven't told him

scaredlydia

By scaredlydia
in Disclosure (telling)

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scaredlydia Newbie

scaredlydia

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I've been dating this amazing guy for a few weeks. We are crazy about each other. We had sex this past weekend and I didn't tell him about my HSV2. I knew that if I told him he wouldn't want to be with me because he specifically told me that he turned a girl down recently b/c of her HSV2. I have had it for 15 years and have never passed it on to someone. 5 out of my last 4 sexual relationships we didn't use protection because I was on the pill and none of them contracted HSV2 from me. 3 of those 4 had HSV1, does that make them less susceptible to HSV2? I wasn't too concerned about this past weekend because we used protection but one of the times the condom failed. I'm freaking out now. What are the odds of passing it to him when I've never passed it on before? He also has HSV1.

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WilsoInAus Platinum Support Member

WilsoInAus

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Did you have your infection confirmed as HSV-2? 15 years ago the diagnosis may just have been assumed to be HSV-2 given the location. We now know that around 1 in 3 female genital infections are HSV-1.

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scaredlydia Newbie

scaredlydia

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I don't think they ever really tested. I had a sore so my doc said it was herpes. I take Valtrex when I'm dating someone but even when I'm not on Valtrex, I only have an outbreak once a year or so.

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november13 Established Member

november13

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I definitely don't judge you for not telling. I know it sucks to disclose. But you should either 1) disclose now, 2) end things now, or 3) ask him to get a full STD screening and get one yourself (find out what type you have!) and then tell him the results. I say this because look at how much you're freaking out right now! Do you want to feel like this all of the time? Also, what if you guys are good and then you pass it to him and ruin all the trust you two had? You're playing with fire.

Also, definitely go get tested no matter what you decide! You may only have type 1, which would be awesome cause then he basically can't get it from you (very rare to pass it to someone who already has it).

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everywhereigo Honeycomb Member

everywhereigo

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I understand your predicament completely. I've never had a problem with rejection after disclosing. I did meet this one guy though, it was more of a physical thing, I didn't disclose until after... in an email, so bad of me. He was pissed, rightly so. He forgave me, but we haven't spoken since then. Moral of story is be upfront.

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Acesheart Platinum Support Member

Acesheart

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Another moral is do unto others! Treat them the way you'd want to be treated. The NEXT partner could have a much bigger sexual health status and NOT disclose until it's too late.

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WilsoInAus Platinum Support Member

WilsoInAus

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Well let's get tested here, a visual diagnosis 15 years ago is hardly conclusive for HSV.

It would be best to mutually test for all STDs

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