So someone I love just found out...

[Centepede90]

Okay so I need help from people that might have been through this and know what my friend, let's call her Kelly, is going through and how I can help her. She is 30 has 2 kids and was just with a guy that wasn't the most honest. She has been through a lot in her life but always has done the right thing and she feels like her life is over. More significantly her dating life.

Our history is the fact that we were once a couple, living together and planning a future together. I love her more than anything and will do anything for her. Things happened back then and we had to break it off. That was about a year ago. Since we have remained in contact, even when she ended up dating this other highly irresponsible guy. When they did break up we started communicating a lot we even planned on meeting up just to hang out and possibly discuss somethings. The week of us meeting up she gets results from a test she had taken due to other non-related problems and they tell her that she has herpes. Kelly being the person she is says that she could not live with herself if she ever passed it on to anyone. That she doesn't want to even be touched by anyone again. She said if she didn't have her kids she probably would not care to live anymore.

We still ended up meeting just the other day and we had an amazing time like we used to, at the end of the day I told her that I still very much so cared for her and that I would want the chance for us again. I told her that I knew her position on that right now but asked if she hadn't found out would she feel different? Kelly said she would and that she would have liked to give us another shot. I told her I have been doing my research ever since and it isn't as huge a deal as everyone makes it out to be. I know about the transmission rates, I know about how many people actually have it. That it is just a very bad stigma on the disease. She says she just can't do it. She couldn't ever think of giving it to me. She felt sick to her stomach. I told her that on top of it all if that did happen if I did get it. It wouldn't matter because I would never plan on being with her for a short term anyways. She just said she couldn't do it.

My question is... how do I help, I do care if we end up together or not, but that isn't the most important thing. How do I make her understand this is no the end of her love life? Is it just a matter of time heals all wounds? or would it be better for me to say something or do something?

[Scared12345]

She will eventually get over this feeling. Taking anti virals daily or natural anti virals reduce risk and condoms as well even more. I have slept with 2 people and have not passed it. It is most contagious in its first year. I think the more educated she is the more comfortable she will feel. Taking anti virals gave me a piece of mind as well and now I take natural ones as I don't want to be on meds for life. I felt badly at first a year ago too. Thought no one would love me. I met a guy and had bad anxiety that I would pass it. He had slept with over 300 women so I figured he has already come in contact with the virus before me. I went to counselling even. It will take some time.

[Centepede90]

Thank you, I know from what I have read is that she is not alone in feeling this way. It sounds like she will in the meantime just need support along the way.

[Scared12345]

Tell her you guys can use condoms and take it from there. She will eventually feel more comfortable after months of using Condoms. Virus need to get into your body through a cut or open wound as wel. It is harder to transmit to a guy then it is felt guy to girl

[Scared12345]

Tell her you guys can use condoms and take it from there. She will eventually feel more comfortable after months of using Condoms. Virus need to get into your body through a cut or open wound as wel. It is harder to transmit to a guy then it is felt guy to girl

From not felt

[Centepede90]

Thank you. I will keep this in mind and that does go with what I have read on herpes and transmission rates, but unfortunately she is not close to even thinking about being in a relationship with anyone, let alone sex. I definitely don't want to bombard her with websites and facts either. I know it is already very overwhelming for her.

[Scared12345]

Just be there for her not pressure her. She will come around. Right now she is going through her emotions of regret, self hate , depression etc

[newhere]

And sex is the absolutely last thing she is thinking about. Be a friend as you are and give her some time.

[Centepede90]

Thank you both so much! I will continue to do as I have. If there is ever any more advice you can give I will always be willing to listen.

[newhere]

Do you have a brother or perhaps a single father!? Because you sound like a good person and all us single h people hope to find someone as accepting and open minded as you are

[Centepede90]

I unfortunately do not. I think when a people educate themselves, they will realize how small of an issue h is. I know there are more people like me out there though, they just tend to be hidden in the corners not drawing a lot of attention to themselves, unfortunately. I appreciate what you said though, I would be lying if I said this was in any way easy, but she is worth it.

[Scared12345]

Wow I wish I had someone to love me as much as you love her one day. I am freaking out about passing it. Even though this guy slept with me unprotected before I even knew and he did not get it. Now we are sleeping together again and just started having unprotected sex again and just anxiety all the time

[CanBro]

It's about perspective.

Very few things on the planet can eclipse falling madly in love with someone.

I do hope she comes around for you, and good on you for not perpetuating the stigma