Seriously, how do I go about dating now?

[Thatonegirl1986]

I was recently diagnosed with HSV2. They say it's so common but I don't know anyone with it. The idea of having to tell people I date seems terrifying. Did you guys go to sites specifically for people with herpes? That seems so limiting. I never meet people in real life so usually resort to online dating. I don't want to tell people right away but I'm scared just messaging people I'll feel like I'm lying by holding this bad huge secret in. So just want to know how did everyone else go about dating after their diagnosis? I'm 29 I'd really like to find a long term partner. Help :/

[oneday]

hey first thing to remember is you are still the same you as before getting hsv. And still the same beautiful, unique you. The right person will see it as something that will fall by the wayside over time. It is really common, the sad thing is no one talks about it publicly so it seems as though no one has it. Treat dating the same way as in get to know them and if you like them and feel comfortable around them and you get along..then in the right environment bring it up. Do your research first because no doubt they'll have lots of questions. If you don't end up hitting it off, you never need to have that conversation with them. If it doesn't go well and they don't want to proceed because of the HSV, that's THEIR loss, not yours..you are upholding integrity to yourself and others by disclosing. And that's more than the person who gave it to you did. You will find more people are accepting of HSV than those who aren't. It is an inconvenience for sure but believe you are worth it. Most people find it once they learn more it isn't such a big deal. Things will get better over time. Offer to take antivirals and abstain from intimacy whenever you get any prodrome or symptoms. Best of luck.

[Thatonegirl1986]

hey first thing to remember is you are still the same you as before getting hsv. And still the same beautiful, unique you. The right person will see it as something that will fall by the wayside over time. It is really common, the sad thing is no one talks about it publicly so it seems as though no one has it. Treat dating the same way as in get to know them and if you like them and feel comfortable around them and you get along..then in the right environment bring it up. Do your research first because no doubt they'll have lots of questions. If you don't end up hitting it off, you never need to have that conversation with them. If it doesn't go well and they don't want to proceed because of the HSV, that's THEIR loss, not yours..you are upholding integrity to yourself and others by disclosing. And that's more than the person who gave it to you did. You will find more people are accepting of HSV than those who aren't. It is an inconvenience for sure but believe you are worth it. Most people find it once they learn more it isn't such a big deal. Things will get better over time. Offer to take antivirals and abstain from intimacy whenever you get any prodrome or symptoms. Best of luck.

Thank you

Did you date after being diagnosed or were you already in a relationship? I like to hear stories to know it can happen lol

[CuteSabrina]

Just the same way you used to! Go to dates, have fun. As oneday said, you don't have to tell a person if you DON'T hit it off. You can tell them whenever you want, even if you guys have been dating for a while. The important thing is to do it BEFORE intimacy.

Also, it would be helpful to abstain from dating while you're so recently diagnosed, just so you get used to yourself having this stupid virus. That way, approaching the conversation with future partners will be a little easier, because you've already accepted yourself and the fact that YOU'RE GREAT.

Also, don't bring the topic with something like "I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU", "I'M SORRY BUT I HAVE THIS HORRIBLE THING", "I'VE GOT THIS TERRIBLE SECRET". That will make it way too scary for a potential partner. Get to know the person, and just talk about it like it was this pain in the back you'll get every now and then, or the cold that hits you when your immune system is weak. That way you won't be telling them to decide whether you're worth contracting a virus, but you will be just discussing your general health. Just my two cents

[Thatonegirl1986]

Just the same way you used to! Go to dates, have fun. As oneday said, you don't have to tell a person if you DON'T hit it off. You can tell them whenever you want, even if you guys have been dating for a while. The important thing is to do it BEFORE intimacy.

Also, it would be helpful to abstain from dating while you're so recently diagnosed, just so you get used to yourself having this stupid virus. That way, approaching the conversation with future partners will be a little easier, because you've already accepted yourself and the fact that YOU'RE GREAT.

Also, don't bring the topic with something like "I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU", "I'M SORRY BUT I HAVE THIS HORRIBLE THING", "I'VE GOT THIS TERRIBLE SECRET". That will make it way too scary for a potential partner. Get to know the person, and just talk about it like it was this pain in the back you'll get every now and then, or the cold that hits you when your immune system is weak. That way you won't be telling them to decide whether you're worth contracting a virus, but you will be just discussing your general health. Just my two cents

That sounds like a good idea to lay it out that way...still sounds terrifying. I went on some sites geared towards people with herpes and it's so limiting. No joke there's only about 20 guys on it in the state of Washington :/

[oneday]

Thank you

Did you date after being diagnosed or were you already in a relationship? I like to hear stories to know it can happen lol

Unfortunately I got hsv as a result of sexual assault from a guy who said he cared about me at the time. I got very depressed afterwards as I had only got out of a long term relationship with a guy who I still had tremendously strong feelings for, even though we had broken up. I wasn't ready to be intimate with anyone, was just looking for companionship but this guy just kept telling me to relax. After I went to the doctors with a new rash, I called him and said look what "just relax" got me into. And now I have a reminder of that horrible experience ever since. Also, the friends of mine who knew him took his side when he denied he did anything unwillingly on my part. So I also lost long term friends out of it..and that still bothers me hugely. Like I think about it daily. But if they can't believe what had happened, not that it's their business, then they're not worth having as friends. It was still a loss for me and makes me very sad.

Anyway, I long round about way to answer your question. But yes I did date afterwards. I told each guy too and as best to my knowledge none of them have caught hsv from me. I get genital outbreaks fairly infrequently. Shortly after getting the virus I was uneducated and used the same razor for my underarms. So I get hsv outbreaks time to time under my arms. It is the worst place ever to get it. And all this from an unpleasant experience. To say it's a pain in the arse is a total understatement!

The most important thing to remember is hsv doesn't define you or make you any less of a person. It's a pest that's for sure but life throws you hurdles, I just see it as another one to overcome.

Best of luck!

[oneday]

By the way, I have hsv 1

[Thatonegirl1986]

That is terrible and really shitty of your friends. Sorry that happened to you.

On the opposite side I didn't realize about the razor thing. I will get a separate one for underarms.

[HerpedUpOne]

I was recently diagnosed with HSV2. They say it's so common but I don't know anyone with it. The idea of having to tell people I date seems terrifying. Did you guys go to sites specifically for people with herpes? That seems so limiting. I never meet people in real life so usually resort to online dating. I don't want to tell people right away but I'm scared just messaging people I'll feel like I'm lying by holding this bad huge secret in. So just want to know how did everyone else go about dating after their diagnosis? I'm 29 I'd really like to find a long term partner. Help :/

I tell people upfront, citing the reason why (the "human being that gave it to me" lied about not having STDs. Clean means "having nothing"...) Not everyone who has a STD is a (jerk), and it's not bad because we've never gave it to people without their knowledge or consent. But (jerks) are the reasons why the rest of us get to suffer. If people don't believe me and think all people with STDs go around infecting others for fun or whatever stereotypes exist that I'm not looking forward to getting to read or hear, they're not worth the time. I'll do my part to build trust, but it's a two-way street.

[Blink2011]

When I was first diagnosed I basically stopped thinking about dating for a while. After a couple of months I started dating a guy and when I told him about my hsv2, he ran. I was so humiliated until I thought that hsv was not that big a part of my life and if he wanted that small thing about me to scare him off.. Good riddance! I went on a dating site geared towards people with STDs and started dating a little more.

Then I met my current boyfriend. When we met he did not have hsv2 he just had 1, core sores. When I told him, it wasn't a big deal. It was just an afterthought. When you meet the right person, it isn't something that will effect your relationship.

Just have fun and do your thing. Don't be pressured into anything you don't want to do. When it comes time to tell the person, if they stick around, they are the good ones.