I'm feeling blue

[crying 17]

Hey everyone out there, I guess I don't know where to start on this, or if I should even be on here, but here I am anyway. I wanted to reach out about this, and was suggested to find a support place like this by my counselor, which is why I'm here.

There is no easy way for me to say this, I contracted HSV 1 and 2, from being molested by my uncle. And ever since I have been depressed, and felt pretty disgusted with myself. Even more so after this diagnosis

My parents know, legal action has been taken, and a bunch of other things I wish I didn't have to be involved in happened. I've not been dealing with it well. I feel pretty shitty tbh, and I've just been crying a lot, and hiding in my room, not wanting to deal with anything. My first outbreak has been severe, it itches, hurts, and when I go to school I cover my lips/chin with my long sleave, I don't want people to see the red blotches on my face and know I have it. Knowing how long it takes for them to just go away and the fact I have an std makes me want to hide away.

And now I'm so scared, and feel really ashamed. I'm 15, and in highschool, I don't have any friends, but if I did it wouldn't matter because they'd judge me for it. I've never had a boyfriend and probably never will, because I have this virus, and it's gross, and I can't ever get intimate with someone knowing I'd spread it, but even now the thought of having sex makes me recoil in horror. I just wish that I would have been killed, or that it was just a nightmare. Now when ever other girls at my school say they hate their bodies, I want to cry, because I'm infected, and they're not, they are still healthy and attractive. I'm not. At this point I don't see it getting better, I don't know how to deal with this, I feel  dirty, used up, and ugly. I have herpes and I don't know what to do about it. 

 

Edited September 8, 2015 by crying

[blistering love 82]

dear crying.

I cannot stress how strong you are for reaching out and seeking help, not only from this forum but for seeing a counselor. Continue doing this.IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. I'm sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic experience,even more so that it was someone whom you must have trusted and who your parents would have as well. So many people have bfs,gfs, and husbands with this virus. If someone only wants you for such vain, superficial reasons then trust me, they arent for you. You want someone to love you for you, your personality, your strength and your presence. This virus will help weed out the loser,pathetic men out there. furthermore, Sex is such a small component of a relationship. It really is very overrated. Have a look over the forum, and have a look at the statistics.YOU ARE NOT ALONE. The first thing you should do is educate yourself about the virus, and have a look at the triggers, and medications that you can take for it it.Secondly, exercise, eat healthy, hydrate, and get enough sleep. There are a few forums on the internet that specialize in post traumatic stress disorder, and i think it would help you to vent out and connect with others who have had similar experiences. Just because those girls look healthy does not mean they are. So many girls suffer with eating disorders that eventually kills them or leads them on to long,path of self destructive behaviors. The grass is not always greener on the other side, and who knows some of these girls may have gone through similar traumatic experiences. I suggest having a think about getting involved in a sporting,art of craft club just to help keep you occupied. You are not 'dirty,used up,and ugly', this virus flares up like acne. However, the first year is the worst,over time the out breaks will lessen and some people only experience a few a year, or none for many years.It all comes down to your immune system etc.Which you can help build up by taking your vitamins, and looking after yourself. I hope this helps a little and if you want to speak privately please feel free to message me.Take care. 

[crying 17]

dear crying.

I cannot stress how strong you are for reaching out and seeking help, not only from this forum but for seeing a counselor. Continue doing this.IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. I'm sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic experience,even more so that it was someone whom you must have trusted and who your parents would have as well. So many people have bfs,gfs, and husbands with this virus. If someone only wants you for such vain, superficial reasons then trust me, they arent for you. You want someone to love you for you, your personality, your strength and your presence. This virus will help weed out the loser,pathetic men out there. furthermore, Sex is such a small component of a relationship. It really is very overrated. Have a look over the forum, and have a look at the statistics.YOU ARE NOT ALONE. The first thing you should do is educate yourself about the virus, and have a look at the triggers, and medications that you can take for it it.Secondly, exercise, eat healthy, hydrate, and get enough sleep. There are a few forums on the internet that specialize in post traumatic stress disorder, and i think it would help you to vent out and connect with others who have had similar experiences. Just because those girls look healthy does not mean they are. So many girls suffer with eating disorders that eventually kills them or leads them on to long,path of self destructive behaviors. The grass is not always greener on the other side, and who knows some of these girls may have gone through similar traumatic experiences. I suggest having a think about getting involved in a sporting,art of craft club just to help keep you occupied. You are not 'dirty,used up,and ugly', this virus flares up like acne. However, the first year is the worst,over time the out breaks will lessen and some people only experience a few a year, or none for many years.It all comes down to your immune system etc.Which you can help build up by taking your vitamins, and looking after yourself. I hope this helps a little and if you want to speak privately please feel free to message me.Take care. 

Thank you for the message, I am trying my best to deal with it. I'm just feeling really sad everyday now, so maybe I'll try and go back on an antidepressant alongside a herpes medication. I am just having a hard time coping with this. I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable in my own skin.

Edited September 9, 2015 by crying

[Agreer303 2]

BabyGirl , this made me cry and I truly want to tell you that it's not your fault at all . I was diagnosed with genital herpes 7 months ago and I'm still going through it. I swear I felt the same way as you feel. But I can say is your life not over at all, stressing makes it worser. Yes it's hurtful the fact you was diagnosed with it and how the way you got it was even worse. But everything happens for a reason , God will not put you in a situation that he know you cannot handle. Take your meds how you suppose to and take it everyday and you will never have a outbreak again. And if nobody won't accept you then they are NOT the one for you at all, God will bless you with someone that will accept you for you and will be understanding and supportive. Maybe. Not now because your only 15 , and these young boys are immature and will not understand but when you get older , you will find someone. & as the days go by the better you will feel about the situation. Yes You Will have your days when you down but just remember God got you and have something planned for you soon. God work in mysterious ways

[VVK 828]

If there is any way that you can get to see a cognitive behavioural therapist, that may be more helpful for you than anti-depressants. You're rational and having trouble dealing with your history, which is a bit different than being depressed over some chemical imbalances in your brain. There's a reason behind how you feel and you need someone to help you through the thought processes needed to learn how to deal with your past. There's way more to life that is yet to come for you. At 15, you are just getting started and there are many good things that will come your way if you only let them.

Firstly, try to learn more about HSV. That's a great thing to do about it. You have a lot to learn! First, you're not likely to spread it at all (<<<<1%) if you're not showing any symptoms, so it doesn't affect your ability to be intimate as much as you think. Many people also already carry HSV, so you are likely to encounter partners that will face no additional risk from being with you because they are already carriers of one or both types of HSV. Those that are not carriers will be more likely to appreciate your honesty in telling them about your HSV status than actually being bothered by it. These are just a few things to know.

Keep posting on here and get as much support as you can. You've still got your whole life ahead of you and I think it will be a bright future despite what you're going through right now.

 

[dont quit! 316]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you get better little by little. If anything, I truly believe we will have better therapeutics within the next decade or so. You are still young and hopefully by the time you hit 35-40, there will be a functional or sterilizing cure. Good luck. I wish you nothing but the best. Stay up!

[girlygirl702 35]

Hmmm 15 wow . How brave of you in just that little story I can tell you have a lot of courage to yourself . First id say that at 15 dealing with all you have endured is a lot and more than what you should be expecting. I take it your in highschool and I know how that could be I been there I'm 25 now and at 13/14 I experienced the same thing as you . I will two you that time heals all wounds and you being so young you have to give yourself time to grieve . A lot was taken from you at a young age and it's okay if you don't feel like you can handle it cause your not suppose to . It'll be great if we all could live life like we are suppose to but that's life for you . We never really know what we are going to get I still battle feeling like this to this day. I won't tell you don't be embarrassed cause that's human nature but I will tell you that as each day passes you will lose a bit of that embarrassment and in the meantime focus on your books and loving yourself I'm sure your beautiful and smart and I bet you have pretty cool things about you focus on that cause you will always come in contact with mean an hurtful people kill them with kindness or even better quote a scripture lol people hate when you Sweetly shut them down . Much love babe you have your whole life ahead of you relax a little and do things 15 year olds would do you have a long way to go

[Acesheart 1,562]

Hey everyone out there, I guess I don't know where to start on this, or if I should even be on here, but here I am anyway. I wanted to reach out about this, and was suggested to find a support place like this by my counselor, which is why I'm here.

There is no easy way for me to say this, I contracted HSV 1 and 2, from being molested by my uncle. And ever since I have been depressed, and felt pretty disgusted with myself. Even more so after this diagnosis

My parents know, legal action has been taken, and a bunch of other things I wish I didn't have to be involved in happened. I've not been dealing with it well. I feel pretty shitty tbh, and I've just been crying a lot, and hiding in my room, not wanting to deal with anything. My first outbreak has been severe, it itches, hurts, and when I go to school I cover my lips/chin with my long sleave, I don't want people to see the red blotches on my face and know I have it. Knowing how long it takes for them to just go away and the fact I have an std makes me want to hide away.

And now I'm so scared, and feel really ashamed. I'm 15, and in highschool, I don't have any friends, but if I did it wouldn't matter because they'd judge me for it. I've never had a boyfriend and probably never will, because I have this virus, and it's gross, and I can't ever get intimate with someone knowing I'd spread it, but even now the thought of having sex makes me recoil in horror. I just wish that I would have been killed, or that it was just a nightmare. Now when ever other girls at my school say they hate their bodies, I want to cry, because I'm infected, and they're not, they are still healthy and attractive. I'm not. At this point I don't see it getting better, I don't know how to deal with this, I feel  dirty, used up, and ugly. I have herpes and I don't know what to do about it. 

 

Hey crying I am a mother so just let say I am so very sorry that man hurt you in such a tragic act of control and violence. My arms go out to hug you sweetgirl. I also wanted to let you know posting your story on the forum will help you release everything you most probably have been bottling up inside, don't hold back sweety go for it. Yell, kick, scream and cry all you need to cleanse your body and mind of these thoughts, then we heal. I remarried after my herpes, I have a daughter too. When I disclosed to my daughter (she was in high school) several of her friends had oral h1 visible and even now in college, many show signs of cold sores which tells you and shows you, these (cold sores) do not define who you are or what you will become. I have genital h2, my husband doesn't, I have never passed it on. That doesn't define who or what you will or can have either. You control you and you can get your mindset straight. I promise if you found a park bench, sat down, you looked around, you would see many who are not hiding their oral h, why would they. So many show signs of cold sores and they live their lives and they get married , have babies and live their dreams . Once the horrific memories are put behind you (back of the brain) you will slowly come to realize that what he did will be his punishment in "hell" not something you have to be afraid of anymore. I know this is hard at first and may even seem impossible, trust me it isn't. I have spoken with a few younger then you sweetgirl, same circumstances, and today those few are living again and enjoying their lives again. The past stay in the past, You sweetheart can control and pick and choose your destiny. Big open arm hugs to you and if I can help, let me know. Aces 

[crying 17]

BabyGirl , this made me cry and I truly want to tell you that it's not your fault at all . I was diagnosed with genital herpes 7 months ago and I'm still going through it. I swear I felt the same way as you feel. But I can say is your life not over at all, stressing makes it worser. Yes it's hurtful the fact you was diagnosed with it and how the way you got it was even worse. But everything happens for a reason , God will not put you in a situation that he know you cannot handle. Take your meds how you suppose to and take it everyday and you will never have a outbreak again. And if nobody won't accept you then they are NOT the one for you at all, God will bless you with someone that will accept you for you and will be understanding and supportive. Maybe. Not now because your only 15 , and these young boys are immature and will not understand but when you get older , you will find someone. & as the days go by the better you will feel about the situation. Yes You Will have your days when you down but just remember God got you and have something planned for you soon. God work in mysterious ways

Thanks, I hope some day I do find someone out there like you said.

[crying 17]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you get better little by little. If anything, I truly believe we will have better therapeutics within the next decade or so. You are still young and hopefully by the time you hit 35-40, there will be a functional or sterilizing cure. Good luck. I wish you nothing but the best. Stay up!

ahh maybe but I doubt it, there's always hope I guess.

[crying 17]

Hmmm 15 wow . How brave of you in just that little story I can tell you have a lot of courage to yourself . First id say that at 15 dealing with all you have endured is a lot and more than what you should be expecting. I take it your in highschool and I know how that could be I been there I'm 25 now and at 13/14 I experienced the same thing as you . I will two you that time heals all wounds and you being so young you have to give yourself time to grieve . A lot was taken from you at a young age and it's okay if you don't feel like you can handle it cause your not suppose to . It'll be great if we all could live life like we are suppose to but that's life for you . We never really know what we are going to get I still battle feeling like this to this day. I won't tell you don't be embarrassed cause that's human nature but I will tell you that as each day passes you will lose a bit of that embarrassment and in the meantime focus on your books and loving yourself I'm sure your beautiful and smart and I bet you have pretty cool things about you focus on that cause you will always come in contact with mean an hurtful people kill them with kindness or even better quote a scripture lol people hate when you Sweetly shut them down . Much love babe you have your whole life ahead of you relax a little and do things 15 year olds would do you have a long way to go

Sending love to you too, it definitely makes me feel better reading back these posts. I am trying my hardest.

Edited September 19, 2015 by crying

[KansasGirl 2]

Hugs to you! I too have experienced being betrayed by someone you trust. I just got diagnosed a little over a month ago with hsv1.  I unfortunately don't know where it is as I've never had an outbreak with sores. But my doctor believes it is genital due to the complications I've been having down there since then.  Let me tell you that it will get better. Maybe not tomorrow or next week but eventually you will realize all that you are worth. 

I have seen many people on here say that getting H has actually been a blessing in disguise as far as dating goes. I've been blessed enough to have an amazing boyfriend who has stood with me through all of this. We have been together 2 years in October.  

 

This site has so much advice and many times when I couldn't stop crying I would turn to here and just read and realize I was not alone. I genuinely hope that this forum can be a shoulder to lean on for you. 

You are worth so much more than you see to someone else out there. Remember that always.