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Can't shake the feeling of being "dirty" and tainted"...


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As you probably know if you frequent this site quite a bit, I made a post a day ago asking if hsv 1 genital was that bad. I got some encouraging responses but I still can't shake this awful feeling that I'm dirty. I got diagnosed on August 31st and was ridiculously depressed for a weeks. I didn't eat, drink, go to class or talk to anyone during that time. I essentially just didn't move for that time and couldn't stop sobbing. And sobbing and more sobbing. 

I know that nearly 80% of people have hsv1 in their body somewhere and that it's common but that honestly doesn't make me feel any better. I know that it doesn't reoccur as much or shed and has a low transmission rate "down there". But it's just a haunting thought. I have herpes. I hate the word and I hate how it makes me feel. I'm in college and I feel like I can't really be my self now. I feel labeled. I feel like the pretty girl with herpes. I try to not think about it which makes it worse. It's just weighing heavy on my mind. I'm obsessing about it and every time I do it's like a rock is placed on my chest. Bad feeling. 

After every shower I still feel dirty. Like someone who is undeserving of things because I have this. 

The guy I care for and am talking to gave me this through a cold sore. I rather have a cold sore than have it down there. I just feel icky and gross. I can't look anyone in the eyes anymore or be social. I feel like this has stripped me of who I am. And now I'm someone new... The girl with herpes. 

Im really sad you guys :( 

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It's normal to be sad, but ultimately it's about perspective and not buying into the stigma. How does it stop you from being yourself? What has changed? You weren't involved in an accident where your face was disfigured. You didn't lose your limbs. You aren't in constant pain. You don't have to take drug cocktails to stay alive. What you do have is a skin condition which is rarely an issue - even never an issue for many people after the first occurrence due to the type (HSV1) and location (genital).

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have felt the same way too, but everyone has flaws. Herpes can be considered a flaw, a skin condition, something similar to things like fibromyalgia, or chronic stomach issues. They happen sometimes for very little reason. 

Don't feel like the pretty girl with herpes, that's the same as saying you're the pretty girl with acne, or with a mole. You are pretty, period. 

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just embrace it and accept it.   You need to be your own jedi and perform your own jedi mind tricks on yourself.   

We have it.  The priority is to get out of discomfort.  I'm not a big believer in vatrex, I think it's a big scam and will damage the body with regular use.  But you're young so you won't notice those changes until years later and wonder where they came from.    There's a saying in health, "up through one's 20's, they cheat disease. If one doesn't act and live right then, in their 30's and thereafter, disease will cheat them."

So you need to be active in working this out.  When you think of an MD, think that their job is to diagnose you and prescribe you a medication.

If you goto a Chinese medicine practitioner then you get someone who treats you as a whole.  They are clearing inflammation immediately, without drugs.  They are able to strengthen your body so that you can heal and better deal with hsv.  They are easing your mind so that your energy isn't consumed by your discomfort.  They allow you to evolve better physically, mentally and spiritually; not that those are disconnected at all.  They will consult you on your lifestyle, foods that would be beneficial for you.  And this isn't the lysine arginine stuff or going raw vegan... No, this is what you present.  Chinese medicine, like Ayurvedic medicine, is an ancient healing tradition.  It is thousands of years old (as far as recorded history goes).   Western Medicine is a baby. Don't get me wrong, an MD is good for a lot of things. And a competent MD, just like any competent practitioner, will help a person out in the right direction.  An MD needs lab results.  And chinese medicine practitioner has diagnostic tools that are able to detect problems before they show up on "lab results".

Let's say there's a spectrum from perfect health on the Left and the emergency room on the Right.  Chinese med will be able to detect, qualify and quantify the entire spectrum but the MD can only see what's in close proximity to the emergency room.

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I can honestly say I know how you feel. I was diagnosed soon after turning 21 and it hurt physically and most of all mentally. I have had sexual intercourse with another person and i was nervous but I used protection. I keep telling myself that there are so many people with herpes  , many are even unaware. I am not alone. I mean there are far worse things that people can suffer from and this is really not as bad as it it made out. It is not life threatening. And I have this feeling when I reach that point of coming to terms that I have the herpes virus and I can deal with it , I think it could change me hopefully for the better in the sense that I will use protection, take things slower with guys and improve my general health. All we can do is be positive, I won't let this defeat me and don't let it defeat you, you are still just as beautiful, Jessica alba has herpes and she is bloody stunning! And anyway true beauty comes down to who you are so herpes is irrelevant. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.. Chin up 

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