DID HE CHEAT

[kjoiner26]

So, the nurse called me while ago and said you are HSV1 positive. I was like what does that mean. She was not really sure. So, I NEED HELP, the internet confused me even more. So, here is my story. 

I have been married for 24 years and last Friday I broke out with genital sores. Went to Dr, got tested, and just found out that I am HSV1 positive, do not know about HSV2 yet. SO anyway, according to the internet HSV1 is oral. Me nor my husband has had any cold sores or fever blisters. I HAVE NOT had sex, oral sex or kissed anyone period..... (aside from my husband). So does the mean that he kissed someone with a sore or that he had sex with someone else? I NEED TO KNOW. Do i go accuse him of infidelity? DO I need more info from Dr first, or does this mean he has regardless of what the other test show? Do I make him go be tested? Will that answer any of my questions? I am freaking out completely and do not really want to talk to any of my friends at least until I have more answers. But I am not sure what answers tha nurse can give me and my GYN will not be back in offie until Tuesday. I can not freaking wait until Tuesday. HELP ME PLEAS

[WilsoInAus]

This is a very common story. Can you confirm that it was a swab test of the lesions that confirmed you were HSV-1 positive? Let's assume that is the case but let us know.

If so then there is a very rational explanation. Your husband does carry the HSV-1 virus orally. This is regardless of whether he can remember a cold sore or not. About half of people with HSV-1 cannot remember a cold sore and don't get outbreaks. Most likely your husband has had the virus since childhood! Do not accuse him of anything. He is only 'guilty' of not knowing about his HSV-1 infection just like a few billion people on the planet.

There is hence no reason to even begin thinking about cheating, HSV-1 does not lend itself to this given how common it is and how likely it is to be contracted in childhood.

What people do not full realise is that HSV-1 can spread to genitals through oral sex, even if there is not a cold sore present. I am guessing you may have had some oral sex a few days before the sores appeared?

Genital HSV-1 can be a very trivial matter for most people. In over half of cases, the first outbreak is it or nothing much after the first six months. You and your husband will now be immune to further infection.

Keep asking more questions, but try to focus on the innocent nature of what has happened in thinking about your husband.

[Acesheart]

Hey kjoiner welcome. I've had Ghsv 2for almost 3decades and I stayed in dormancy/asymptomatic for 23 straight years, no outbreaks. I'm married to a non h man. You can have herpes for decades and never show signs. You can have cold sores/fever blisters from childhood but never have had an outbreak. Cold sores are hsv1. This hsv 1 can be passed to genitals when oral pleasures are performed on you by your husband. It does NOT mean he cheated or went outside your marriage. I've spoken with several married couples who after 30 plus years of marriage JUST now show outbreaks in the genitals. Usually it's the females who tell me they tested positive, the poor husband's feel horrible that they did NOT know they had cold sores or that cold sores are in fact Oral h 1 .He could have had oral h1, from older family members, that is how many get h1, no one knows it is herps or that it can be passed through oral sexy times to the genital location.

Do get ssome antivirals medication if the outbreaks are painful, these meds can speed the healing process. Soaking in Epsom salts can dry the sores quicker and help with itching and soreness too.

Please express your concerns with your husband and you too support each other. I've been married over 26 years and husbands love to know we need them to help us get through the tough times. The upside to this is that your Ghsv 1 (g=genital) should be way less problematic than my Ghsv 2. It will produce less outbreaks and have less outbreaks after the first yr. Talk to your partner. Never assume an infidelity has occurred. Just understand that it's absolutely possible to have the virus for decades But never be properly TESTED to even get diagnosed, so therefore no one knows they have it until one partner or the other has an outbreak.

Try to relax and talk to your doctor about treatment options. Read up here for tips and DO NOT blame him. I know it gets hard not too, but every married couple I've spoken with no longer comes here since they got educated about herpes , they just went back to living and living. Let me know if I can help. Take care Hugs Aces 

[HerpedUpOne]

WilsoInAus - true, but if medications are used that impact the immune system (e.g. prednisone, some asthma and arthritis meds, etc), one will see more outbreaks occur and reinfection is possible elsewhere. The risk exists under those circumstances...

[Acesheart]

Ive used tons of steroids and allergy medications, only stresses seem to bring on outbreaks for me