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I CANT do this.


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For those of you who are on this site often know I've been posting a lot within the past week. I hate to be so obsessed but being diagnosed with hsv has COMPLETELY consumed my mind. From the time I wake up from the time (try to) go to sleep. Herpes herpes herpes. 

I was diagnosed with gHSV 1 about 3 weeks ago. I contracted it from a cold sore that was on my partners mouth at the time. I was irresponsible and unaware that you could spread it that way. I know it's ignorant to not know that but I didn't. 

I am englulfed with remorse, anger and deep deep depression. I think about how bubbly, happy and care free I was prior to this. I feel like a piece of who I am has been ripped out of me. I've told me family and say that I'm not different and they love me for who I am but it doesn't make me feel better. Statistics don't make me feel any better. Stories on this forum don't make me feel better. I absolutely can't eat, can't focus on college and can't live me life. I felt beautiful in my own skin and now I hate myself. I despise myself and who I am. Which is sad. Because I worked so hard to build the confidence and self value that I did have. 

I can't get really any straight answers about my disease. Is type 1 basically just like having cold sores on your privates? I hear it doesn't reoccur, if at all. How come people with cold sores (same freaking type of herpes) don't normally disclose but those with genital herpes are ridiculed if they don't. 

I know it's sooo horrible but I honestly wish I had diabetes or cancer instead of this. Then I won't be considered dirty. I'm only 19 yrs old. I can't do this. I honestly want to be dead at the moment. I'm miserable. 

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Hey Lady, I've had Cancer three times different types, you don't want Cancer trust me on this! I have Ghsv 2, I remarried after I divorced my giver. I've lived a beautiful life and we had a child, we never let this virus control who or what we could have or the dreams we achieved. Why would you give this control over you. Don't let the stigmas get to you. Don't let this virus win. You wouldn't let just anyone tell you what to do or how to live so why let what 80% of the population of the population has define what or who you are or will become. Hugs Aces 

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Hang in there honey, research is getting really close to something that's going to help us all!! It's just a little while longer. You can come on here and vent all your frustration, trust me, most of us are angry or frustrated. It may take a while to get your head around what's happened, but you will get there sweetheart. Just remember you aren't any different or dirty. The best thing you can do is be kind to yourself so your body isn't under stress at the moment. Try and find something you love doing to distract yourself. There's no denying it's an awful thing to happen to anyone but it happens to so many people. I got ghsv 1 after a sexual assault from a friend!! I was completely shocked and devastated. You need to show this virus how small it is, and how big you are. You will overcome this, and ultimately you will learn things about yourself and make youself stronger. Good luck, and msg me any time if you need a chat, advice or to vent. Take care, Oneday.

Edited by oneday
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I made the mistake of forgiving my boyfriend after he raped and tried to kill me, so believe me when i say that i understand how youre feeling right now. It took me months to forgive him the first time and this time he gave me HVS. hes still in denial about it and has since moved to another province... the idea that ive been contaminated even worse by him this time around is consuming and devastating... im very lucky to have a much more mature and understanding ex boyfriend than the one mentioned previously... im seventeen, the dumb ex is sixteen, and the good one is twenty six. The good ex (we will call him jack) has been so wonderfully supportive in helping me accept and understand my diagnosis. Jack said to me: "dont let it put a hold on you sweetie. People, well the special ones, will understand and still love you. It doesn't make or break you." Hes since said even that he wouldn't be surprised if he had it too, given the statistics, which he shared with me, and that he wanted to go get tested as well just to be safe, even though we both know that he is unusually sexually inactive for a guy his age. Dont give up hope  

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I know how you feel, it's the first thing to come to mind when I wake up, but you have to remember that millions of other people have it too, it's no big deal in the scheme of things. Most people don't even know they have it, and sometimes show no symptoms. Once they go away and you start keeping them away your life will go back to normal, you probably won't think about them if nothing is there. 

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