Choosing not to disclose?

[Lovelylady1996]

I was diagnosed with gHSV 1. Which is the SAME type that causes cold sores. If 80% of people already have this type then I do not feel obligated to disclose. Type 1 hardly ever sheds, transmission rates are low and hardly ever reoccurs. 

I know this is a touchy subject but I don't feel it neccissary. 

[JBnATL]

Choosing not to disclose is your choice, but would you want someone you were intimate with withholding this information?  Chances are you won't pass this along, but what happens if you fall in love with someone and do pass it and then they leave you because you weren't truthful with this and didn't feel they could trust you the rest of their lives?

Your choice.

JB

[HerpedUpOne]

Gonna disagree here, because it is possible - though not common - to "re-transmit" the virus to different parts of the body, even if it's the same HSV1.

Never mind that nobody really knows the statistic, hence guesses of "50% - 90%". Nobody truly knows but I'm not going to play roulette with someone else's health.

I didn't get it until my 40s, only because my ex never bothered to tell me, treated it as a non-issue, or was a sociopath. Given the span of time and his he railed about his therapist making the accusation, I now side with her and think he was a sociopath (and for other reasons as well, not just how he went from "I must be an asymptomatic carrier and didn't know, I'm so sorry" to "Oh, when I get outbreaks I just use this"a couple years later... )

Most of us got it because a partner didn't have the guts or humanity or compassion to tell, much less give a damn to begin with. We cannot stoop down to their level in turn, that only makes the problem worse. We were fooled, lied to, whatever and got it because someone else was a jackhole. For us to go down to that level is, simply put, despicable and disgusting. We have moral and ethical obligations and I sure as hell don't want to play games with someone else's health. I know what I'm in for in the future thanks to my verminesque GD ex... I don't want to be responsible for making others suffer similarly.

Like my therapist said, people who genuinely love each other don't hide such information (or lie about it).

For the record, people who know they have something and spread it can be sued. Condoms don't always protect against HSV either, and the one who gets it should never be seen as being in the wrong. The person who has it and spreads it...

Sorry for my being emotional, it is an issue I take seriously. More people should, in which case these diseases wouldn't be so widespread to begin with.

Edited September 13, 2015 by HerpedUpOne

[HerpedUpOne]

@JBinATL - precisely. The core of any relationship is trust. While it's possible to spread something and build trust afterward, it is not easy but it is far easier for any built trust to collapse due to the JERK not disclosing and spreading things. That's not a dig at the OP, people who don't disclose are selfish, cowardly jerks that don't give a hoot about others' health, or at the very best believe popping a pill is a substitute for not spreading the disease to begin with, and even then with popping pills one can still spread HSV - despite the reduced risk, the risk is not eliminated. Good luck if one needs prednisone or other medications that play with the immune system as well, where re-transmission of the disease CAN HAPPEN....

So, yes, a lot of us need to be educated and mature on how we deal with other people. We become no better than the folks who gave it to us if we act like them.

[Pseudonymph]

I'm in a similar situation (genital type 1, was told it's unlikely to recur), but I know that if I was on the other end of the relationship I'd want to know if there was even the tiniest percentage of a risk of catching it, so that I could at least protect myself.

After my first outbreak last month, I don't think I'd ever want anyone to go through what I had to deal with!

Also, what HerpedUpOne said really resonates with me:

We become no better than the folks who gave it to us if we act like them.

I don't know who gave me Herpes, and it's highly unlikely that I'll ever find out. Wouldn't you rather your partner was aware just in case (in the worst case scenario if they contracted it)?

[DontJuan]

I think HSV is to a large extend stigma. I have read of cases where people do have it very badly and I am sure many of these people are on boards like this. . because they cannot talk about it at work etc. and/or ask friends for advice..So now they have to hide on forums like this.

60% of sexually active people have HPV infection in their lifetime. HPV infections get really bad and many types cause cancer. No one ever told me they have genital HPV as of yet and I had plenty sexual partners..HPV also stays dormant in your body for many years and hides from the immune system and some people get terrible cases of it.

Genital HSV causes well blisters and that's it. Yes there are cases where some people get it really bad but the same can be said about HSV 1 on the lips,  flu and even the common cold!

For most people Genital HSV is 99% stigma and 1% symptoms .  Oral HSV is treated as a non-issue and called a fever blisters ! People are even prepared to kiss you on your lips if u have a mild case of it!!! if you had HSV I on your  genital they would scream!

For HSV II If you take antivirals and  /or L-lysine and /or apply zinc sulfide ointment the symptoms for most are very very manageable / of very short duration and the periods of prodrome disappear completely. Most doctors and countries do not recommend disclosing it while dating or ever, provided you use condoms!

Has anyone ever disclosed HSV1 before kissing to you? We are talking dormant HSV 1 on the lips ..and yes people can get that one too very badly.

So why give into the stigma? while it is the right thing to do , if you disclose genital HSV despite using condoms you give the stigma power..you make it out to be this killing monster ..which it is not actually.

 

 

 

[VVK]

I've got dormant HSV1 on the lips and I disclose before I get intimate in a relationship, just because I don't even want to get to know them in any capacity beyond friendship if they can't accept that aspect of me right from the beginning. That's just the way I go about it.. I know many people don't disclose and in the end it's all about what you are able to do while still being able to sleep at night.

 

For HSV-1, the 80% statistic works when you take all ages into account, worldwide. If you look at people in their late teens to late twenties, that statistic drops down to as low as 20% in North America. Don't believe me.. do your own research, look up HSV epidemiology.

Edited September 21, 2015 by VVK

[Sanguine108]

I've got dormant HSV1 on the lips and I disclose before I get intimate in a relationship, just because I don't even want to get to know them in any capacity beyond friendship if they can't accept that aspect of me right from the beginning. That's just the way I go about it.. I know many people don't disclose and in the end it's all about what you are able to do while still being able to sleep at night.

bless your heart

[Acesheart]

I agree with VVK. I did the same and I'm still loving his choices and mine.

The number one thing members here tell me is "Ace, he or she didn't give me a choice in the matter, so how can I trust he or she EVER!

There are consequences for every action/decision  we make. 

[everywhereigo]

I had a friend who got hsv2 from a hook up, only one time using protection. One of his friends, (girl) got it from her boyfriend who used to get cold sores, and he went down

on her. Having sex is tricky business

[VVK]

Sex doesn't have to be tricky. Somehow the participants make it that way though because it's a turnoff to discuss sexual health. In this particular case - genital HSV-1 - the risk of transmission is the lowest out of all possible combinations for HSV infection (oral HSV-1, oral HSV-2, genital HSV-1 and genital HSV-2). @Lovelylady1996 if you're choosing not to disclose, are you at least planning to ask them about their status for HSV and other conditions?

[DontJuan]

I am changing my mind people should disclose but the stigma needs to be dropped. if everyone could talk freely about it , it would not be hard to disclose..however

HSV II  is always seens as the deal breaker meanwhile genital Warts, oral warts are more dangerous for your health especiallyfor  women, and even HSV I on the lips could be seen as a bigger health problem ( if the  Alzheimer link proves true). The unjustified stigma on genital herpes is the biggest problem!!

 

Edited September 22, 2015 by DontJuan