Dad's reaction was very traumatic.

[Lovelylady1996]

I was recently diagnosed with hsv1 genitally and wanted to talk about it with my family and disclose to them. You want to know what my dads reaction was? 

 

He IMMEDIATELY started washing all the sheets in the house and saying how the whole family should get testing and how I will always be infectious until I die. He stated that I put my brother and sister in "danger" like that. And said I was irresponsible. 

How mortifying is that? 

I'm sad. 

[Mellisuga]

Ok, that is just wrong. I'm so sorry Lovelylady - I want you to know that your father is WAY off base. You are not putting anyone in danger. I'm guessing you already know that, but I wanted to reassure you.

I hope after a couple of days that some sense will be knocked into your dad's head. We're here to support you until that happens *hug!!*

[musumegirl]

I'm sorry hun. Honestly, any Dad on some level is going to be incredibly uncomfortable knowing/being aware of any aspect of his daughters sex life. Let alone an std. Let alone the std with the worst reputation. I think we don't like to think of our parents as sexual beings. But perhaps he has some weird experience of HSV that has caused him to be so irrational. If you are closer with your Mom maybe you should talk to her a bit. 

You have put no one in danger.
Its the cold sore virus...nothing more.
You are not irresponsible.

You are handling this like an adult by wanting to talk about it. <3

[Sanguine108]

Damn, that's really tough.  There's always a question about whether or not one should disclose to certain people.  I think it's very real of you to open up with your family.  We are born into situations with certain people for a reason.  We are all in this together.  It's hard to tell what the struggles and lessons others are going through when we have our own going on, simultaneously. 

Don't worry.  He just needs time to reflect and educate himself on the matter.  <3

[JBnATL]

Please ask your father to come to this website.  He is acting out of ignorance so try and help him learn about this.  Chances are he already has it oral.  

Good luck!

JB

[SheIsBlue]

Lovelylady, so sorry to hear that was his reaction.  Everything the other members already said was spot on.  This virus is not life threatening and you cannot spread it to family members.  Don't let him get to you; you didn't do anything wrong.  Since he is not a supportive type person, you will need to find someone else to confide in.  Just come here; we understand and try to help anyway we can.

[Lovelylady1996]

Thank you everyone. I already felt disgusted with myself about having this but his reaction just sent me over the edge. I couldn't control the crying. He said he done research on it and that he knows it's highly contagious. I don't live with my dad since my parents are divorced but he told me maybe it's best that I shouldn't come to see him or my brother or sister for a while. If he did his research, how could he even begin to think that I could transmit it to them? I visited them about two months ago and that's why he said he's making everyone in the house get tested. It just hurts so much. My dad is treating me like a have a major life threatening desiease. I hate that.  

 

 

 

 

[Jelly]

Awww  hunni I'm really sorry about that. I just think cause your dad doesn't know much about it. My mum was telling me It could kill me make me go blind. I just found it funny. But yh most parents won't understand I think it's much worst then it seems. But as long as you do your research your kl 

[tom343]

Your dad as jbn stated probably has it orally. Hsv1 is so common like some estimates are around 80% of the population. Some people get it straight after birth genitally because of the circumcision process, this is particularly prominent in the Jewish community. Imagine that like those children one month old and already with hsv1 genital herpes, your dad is clueless on the reality of herpes. Particularly hsv1 genital herpes. 

Edited September 15, 2015 by tom343

[Sanguine108]

Just forgive your dad for his own personal conflict.  Let it roll off your shoulders.  You don't have to verbalize it to him just do something for your own moving on.  Compassion trumps all.

[hsv1owner]

Your Dad is acting out of ignorance and being a bit of an asshat. You may have to try and explain it to him, better yet, get him to go to an MD. I told a new doctor today that I contract herpes. His reaction "Yeah, you and everyone else." then he shook my hand and I left.

Seriously, if only the general population got to see half the things doctors see on a daily basis.

[Guy12]

He literally started washing the sheets?  How does he think you are going to give it to your siblings?   This guy is very misinformed!  I'd encourage them to test so when they test + for hsv1 or perhaps even 2 you can smile....

Is Your dad a type A dominant overbearing type?  

 

If if my daughter came to me with something this serious I would love on her not react like a 7th grader...sorry young lady.  Give it time. What's your mum say?

Edited September 19, 2015 by Guy12

[Acesheart]

Hi sweety, I am a Mother of a college age daughter. We have open relationship. She has a best friend who has h1 , she got it from her sweet grandfather. We educated her on what cold sores are, her Mother's reactions were more ignorant then anyone could imagine. She has pushed her daughter farther away, makes her do her own laundry. Never shows any physical affection to this poor girl. When I tried to explain why we explained to her daughter what she had, her mother called us liars and refused to accept the truth. She forbid her daughter to speak to us. Well, my daughter and her are still best friends, we still have her over and smother her with hugs and cuddles. No child should ever be treated like that, parents fear what they don't understand or cannot control, just be yourself, be strong and don't let the ignorance of others define you. I would never in a zillion years treat any child, no matter how old, the way this girl's parents treat her. You don't need them to grow and you are old enough to know make certain decisive decisions. Respect as one should their parents, but don't live by their ignorance about herpes. You will find more peace of mind with more knowledge then you will with stone age ignorance. Hugs Aces xo

[Createss Galore]

Thank you everyone. I already felt disgusted with myself about having this but his reaction just sent me over the edge. I couldn't control the crying. He said he done research on it and that he knows it's highly contagious. I don't live with my dad since my parents are divorced but he told me maybe it's best that I shouldn't come to see him or my brother or sister for a while. If he did his research, how could he even begin to think that I could transmit it to them? I visited them about two months ago and that's why he said he's making everyone in the house get tested. It just hurts so much. My dad is treating me like a have a major life threatening desiease. I hate that.  

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry you are suffering from your dad's fears and shunning. The emotional hurt and pain is deep, I know.  I have learned that we have to learn to think of our parents and family members as just people, that's all. The chances of each of them being good or bad to us is just as much as anyone out in the street, 50-50. I recently read a sad account of a teenager who told his mom that he is gay. She began throwing his things out of the house. When he continued trying to talk to her she pushed him and he fell down the steps. Heartbreaking!

Once you're able to see your father, and any other family member who treats you with such nastiness and callousness, as just a person like other people, you'll begin to heal. The pain of his rejection will be there, but you'll recover enough to be happy again. And you can still love him. Also, there's always the chance that he will become more understanding and reach out to you again. Be encouraged!

[inde21]

I was soo miss informed when I was first diagnosed I wore rubber gloves to the bathroom to pee because I thought wiping would spread it to my hand and then everything else I touched.. there's a lot of missing information out there hopefully your dad calms down and realizes it's not an contagious as some people say. And no one is in danger from you

[Lovelylady1996]

Thank you all for the replies. Here's an update of the situation: 

I tried explaining all the correct information to my Dad as yall suggested. And gave him time to cool off and think. He has decided that it's best that we don't have a relationship. He told me it was best that I didn't come over anymore in fear that I might infect that side of the family. 

I'm really hurt by this. Who knew this disease could tear a family apart. 

[Acesheart]

Thank you all for the replies. Here's an update of the situation: 

I tried explaining all the correct information to my Dad as yall suggested. And gave him time to cool off and think. He has decided that it's best that we don't have a relationship. He told me it was best that I didn't come over anymore in fear that I might infect that side of the family. 

I'm really hurt by this. Who knew this disease could tear a family apart. 

Sweetheart I'm so sorry, as a parent it's unimaginable that he would choose this. But as a child who was abandoned at age 8 , it's what my bio parents did, I am telling you he will regret his selfishness. Your a beautiful spirit and a gift from God and one day he will regret his decision. But having NO parents is better then having toxic parental guidance. Can I ask how your mother feels about this decision? As a Mother and a woman of a daughter, I'd never except his decision! You were carried by your mother for 9 nine months and held close to her heart, I'd never except this very ignorant decision. If you need a fill-in parent, my arms are always open and heart holds many here, so if you need me, I'm here. Btw, I did better without parents then many do with BOTH  ! You are loved and your cherished and YOU sweetheart matter to me! Hugs Aces xo

[SheIsBlue]

Sorry to hear that Lovelylady, he is obviously an ignorant person.  Remember, there is nothing wrong with you; it's just a virus that produces some blisters.  Herpes is something that happened to you; it's not who you are.  You are still smart, beautiful, lovable and a whole list of other things.  If he doesn't see that, it's his loss.  I know it will be hard to move on from this, but you might be better off.  If it helps any, we are here for you and will help any way we can.

[Createss Galore]

Thank you all for the replies. Here's an update of the situation: 

I tried explaining all the correct information to my Dad as yall suggested. And gave him time to cool off and think. He has decided that it's best that we don't have a relationship. He told me it was best that I didn't come over anymore in fear that I might infect that side of the family. 

I'm really hurt by this. Who knew this disease could tear a family apart. 

Well it's not your fault. And though the pain in your heart tells you otherwise, it's really not you either. He would react that way towards anyone with the diagnosis. But we always feel that we should be the exception to our parents. Strong prejudices and fears from family members who are so inclined, however, extend towards everyone, even their own blood. Try not to become bitter as you move on. You need your strength, level-headedness and calm emotions. There's always still a chance that he will have a change of heart one day. Remember that YOU are the one that you can depend on and you must and you will take good care of yourself from now on. Also, families are torn apart for less than this.

Edited September 28, 2015 by Createss Galore