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Crushed, defeated and feeling more alone than ever...

TreeFaerie13

By TreeFaerie13
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TreeFaerie13 Honeycomb Member

TreeFaerie13

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Hello~ Thank you to anyone who is taking the time to read this... I haven't been officially diagnosed, but it doesn't look too promising...seeing as the clinician I saw today told me to daily triple the valtrex I'm on for my cold sores for the next 7 days. I'm waiting on the test results that can take 7-10 days to get back. I have a small outbreak and looking at pictures online, well, I'm screwed. Plus, the clinician I saw today ruled out other STDs by just looking at me. Plus, my intuition tells me this is it.  :(I feel like my sex and love life are over. I am so crushed by this I can't even find the words to properly express the depth of my depression. Here's the kicker, I've been 2 months sober on September 6th, well, I'm drinking right now. I just let my sponsor and my entire support group in AA down and my family and I don't even care right now. I just want to escape this nightmare. I feel like nobody is going to want me now. Tears keep falling. I have never felt so alone in all of my life... I'm open to anything positive someone has to say. I really need it right now...

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JBnATL Platinum Support Member

JBnATL

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Hi there, I wish you had stayed in chat.  This is the best place for you to come.  

Visual diagnosis is the least accurate so please don't jump to conclusions until you get your test results back.  

Even if you do have it genitally it really is no different than the cold sores you get, and you can live a normal life with this.  Millions of people have genital herpes and live completely normal lives.  Its really just a very common, mostly harmless virus.  Personally I have had it a long time and have given the 'talk' about a dozen times and have never been rejected.  I know a lot of people who have never been rejected either. There is a great part of this website called "The Secret to our Success" it has hundreds of stories from people who thought no one would want them and they ended up finding someone who did not care.

I have been on this website daily for over 6 years and have chatted with thousands of Herpsters and many of them have told me that getting genital herpes changed their lives for the better.  Many people reevaluate their lives.  They start to eat healthier, start working out and are more selective in whom they date.

Having genital herpes is really no different than your cold sores.  Did have it oral stop your in any way?

I hope to see you in chat again soon!

JB

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t361 Honeycomb Member

t361

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Don't despair. I had those exact same feelings when I was diagnosed but they are not true! There are lots of people who won't care two bits about your diagnosis.

I recently quit drinking myself because I was diagnosed with depression. If you ever need to talk or some support, please don't hesitate to message me.

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TreeFaerie13 Honeycomb Member

TreeFaerie13

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Thank you JB for reading and taking the time to respond. I know you think I shouldn't jump to conclusions, but my gut is pretty accurate and that combined with what the clinician thinks...

At the moment it's not feeling like it's the same as my cold sores...it feels like a whole new world. You did say a lot of reassuring things to me, but at the moment I'm feeling like if I'm ever gonna be in a relationship again, I need to be with someone of similar diagnoses... The thought of disclosing this to anyone that isn't in this community is absolutely horrifying.

No, oral did not stop me and I was pretty much upfront about that with many men I was with. But this seems like a whole new ballgame. No, it is a whole new dilemma... I'm agnostic and I'm considering becoming a female monk rather then disclose this to anyone. This is all so raw and I don't know how to cope! Obviously! I just threw two months of sobriety out the window like it was nothing...Now I have to start over. But that seems like nothing compared with this new reality. And I know in my heart that is wrong to think.. I am so lost right now... wow. This sucks.

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