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reality check-i got used and i got herpes pt2

flower petals 1

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I have hsv2 ..First thing I thought when I got my results back from the doctor was why . But obviously I know I should have paid attention in sex ed class and of coarse used protection . So now I've missed 4 days of work because all I can do to cope is take 2-3 xanx and go to sleep . Then I wake up and I'm facing a new emotion . Today is anger and uncertainty. Yesterday was day 2 of my nightmare and it started with a text from the guy .. he told me he couldn't talk to me anymore he liked someone else and he never liked me like that . I was hurt because all night I tried reaching out to him about what I had found out now this. I was gonna tell him in a proper way but then he texted me this . It was like salt to a wound . I told him I hope she likes you when she finds out. And he said finds out what . Long story short we went back and forth in a petty argument . He told me he doesn't have feelings for me , he likes her and that I should tell him what's going on.  We finally met up and I showed him my results . He looked shocked . And told me he was going to get tested . Now here's the back story . I've been sleeping with this guy for maybe a year or 2 and it's been ... moments of him being a complete asshole to being withdrawn but still coming around on and off . I really liked him so in my mind I was always making excuses for him , he's too shy too busy he needs convincing but my intuition had been compromised . But he's right he never gave me hope .. it was me giving myself hope that he would see that I was successful , smart funny pretty . So yesterday he tells me he doesn't think he has genital herpes because he's never had an ob-  last year in apirl I did have ob but I dismissed it as a yeast infection- that I thought he had given me because he was uncircumcised. I have no one who I can talk to about this who won't tell anyone else .. And when we talked about it he told me I was dramatic , I always try to play the victim. But it's a dramatic situation. He says he's never had an ob, so now I'm thinking what if it wasn't him . But my doctor told Me she's 100% sure I got checked during pregnancy . I had a baby in 2012 and met him in 2013 . I had sex with one other guy but he was so afraid of pregnancy that he used condoms. So our conversation ended and he said he would text me when he got the results thing is I never want to talk to him again ... I got used and I got herpes . So I blocked him from all social media and changed my number .... was I wrong for that at all ?? I just don't feel like talking about it with him anymore .. what if he's right what if he doesn't have it .. what if just got it when I was 18 or something I'm just so confused . Doctors are so misleading I just hate that he has information about me like that so if he's negative he can tell other people .. I just am certain it was him and I just thought he should know .. I feel all these emotions like I'm not good enough ... disgusting .. tainted . And even tho I know it's not the end of the world or life threatening I'm mad and sad and I just want to be alone ... because I don't want to be reminded of how I'm different now and there's nothing I can do to go back to how I use to be . If he's negative he can go back to his whorish ways and live the way he wants . And me I just don't know how this happend. This is my new normal. And I don't know who I am anymore or how to deal.

Edited by flower petals 1
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    • WilsoInAus
      I really suggest that the best thing is for both you and your boyfriend to obtain the Westernblot HSV test. He has a 50%+ chance of being positive and you have a 50%+ chance of being negative. Only the Westernblot can sort this out for you.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @kpn the first thing to note is that it is all OK to have HSV-1 or indeed any HSV type. It is not negligence, it is just being human. Oral HSV-1 is not an STD in the sense that the primary transmission is non sexual and the majority of it occurs between parents to children. If any of your children contracted HSV, you would know it. It wouldn't be a silent infection for children. HSV-2 tends not to shed from the oral region for people who have it there in any event. At age 73, about 80% of the population has HSV-1. There is no reason to believe that your mother isn't one of those people. About half of all carriers of oral HSV-1 do not realise they have it and have no living memory of cold sores as they were infected when very young. The most logical explanation is that your mother has oral HSV-1 from her childhood and that your daughter doesn't have oral HSV. Not that it is relevant to anyone but yourself, but your wife might find she actually has genital HSV-1 having had an untyped swab when she was diagnosed.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @Dylan86 and welcome to the website. First note that you cannot pragmatically become infected with HSV-1 from sharing a drink. If you carry HSV-1, it did not come from that episode. As such it is extremely unlikely HSV-1 is the primary cause of your issues. Can the WB miss a HSV-1 infection? Rarely but its feasible in less than 1% of carriers who test with WB. Note that the WB does not have values, it has positive or negative as you say. It is way more accurate than IgG as it looks for all 30+ antibodies that are in your blood for HSV. Could you have HSV-1? Yes it is feasible, but it would be a very old childhood infection. Could HSV-1 be causing your oral issues? No herpes will not cause the burning mouth syndrome you describe. Could some of the lesions be herpes related? It is feasible if you are a carrier. But it is unlikely to be the primary cause of the issues, but its an opportunistic virus that can cause issues when something else is taxing your immune system. The best thing you can do is the PCR test on a oral lesion and that will be pretty definitive. Either way, in summary. I'd suggest there is <1% chance you are part of about 70% of the population that has HSV-1. Further there is less than a 1% chance that herpes is the primary cause of your issues.   
    • kpn
      My wife has had hsv 2 for around 8 years. We have two young children 3 years old and 18 months old. My wife only had one outbreak when she was first infected so we didn't worry too much about passing it on to our children. I understand the risk to be pretty low under those circumstances. I don't believe my wife took antivirals during either pregnancy. My younger child has diaper rashes pretty often and has had what I thought was hand foot and mouth disease. That was going around the daycare a while back. I haven't really given it much concern though.  About a week ago, my mother kissed my youngest on the lips. My kid was congested at the time but they pretty much always are. About 3 days later, my mother developed a cold sore on her mouth. She has never had cold sores in her life and she is 73 and happily married so she is not going around messing with anyone. She pointed to the fact she had kissed my youngest and presumed that is where she was infected. At first I said that's not possible since my child has never had any cold sores but since then I have really started to consider that maybe it is possible she contracted it from my daughter. This has me worried that my daughter does indeed have hsv2 and was shedding in her mouth. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am really losing sleep about this. Two people I care so much about got hsv from my negligence. I am fine if I were to contract it, I am not worried about what others think at this point in my life. I just don't want anyone else to have it. 
    • CHT
      Hello DavidGua.... based on the two pictures, I'm not seeing anything that resembles a typical herpes outbreak.  I am not sure what those spots are on your penis.  Please have a doctor take a look and I'm sure you'll get a proper diagnosis.  Have you ever received an HSV antibody test (IgG)?  Again, I doubt your symptoms are herpes-related but, if you'd like some peace of mind, you could request the IgG antibody test for HSV2.   Best of luck.... let us know if you have any other questions/concerns.
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