how to tell previous partners

[inspired83]

I'm sure this has been covered at some point in time on here. I just found out I have hsv2. I was sexual with a guy from my past about a little more than a week ago. I told him and he is supportive. He told me that he was tested 4 weeks ago and it came back negative. He has been with a few that have had it but this was years ago. He didn't have an blisters or lesions that I noticed.

The question I am getting to is could I have been a carrier? Could it have been dormat in me for this long? I have been under stress by being laid off from work but the week before I got this I received a job offer and took it. I'm not stressed out like I have been. Could I have gotten it from someone I was with previously? If so, how do I tell them? It was easy telling the guy I was just with but I know not all guys are going to take it the same way. please help. need advice.

[memyselfI]

I'm not telling everyone

I wonder why this guy tested just four weeks ago ...but that is besides my point. I don't know if this is the right thing but for me right now it is.. I'm not telling my previous partners. I had a boyfriend when I was diagnoised and of course told him of my symtoms that I was going to the doc etc ..and that i'm positive for genital herpes. He tested negative. We were together six months but used a condom everytime. Prior to him i had a boyfriend a couple years ago and we used a condom everytime so I'm not going to tell him because if he doesn't have symtoms why burdon him ...he's safe enough to use condoms all the time (yes I know you can still give it/get it when wearing condoms) but why stress the guy; my last boyfriend didn't get it and we had tons of sex. Prior to my old boyfriend it had been well over a year with a one night stand in Mexico ...ummm two night stand (we actually kept in contact for a long time after) anyway he wore a condom. Prior to him it had been about a year and prior to that I'm not going there. I'm almost thirty two years old and although my recent record of sexual incounters has been limited (sense I got sober) I used to be somewhat ....my point is its a personal choice I've made not to tell past sexual partners. Judge me as you will but at the time i was drinking i wasn't dating guys who gave a damn anyway so ...what can I say? I actually encourage your judgements on this ...what do you guys think ...should we seek out and tell all sexual partners. I have no idea when I got this thing...

[inspired83]

Thanks. I appreciate the reply. Not going to judge you by any means. You are who are. I just don't know if I should tell my previous partners. I had a one night fling with a guy back in April. We barely talk now. I have been with an ex in May. And I was with a good friend in June. Just trying to get others opinions. I know it may not be their business of my sexual life but I guess to have a fair warning if they haven't gotten checked out yet.

[just diagnosed]

I am also struggling with this decision...how did you handle it? I was just diagnosed 3 days ago and have never had any symptoms or outbreaks. I was called by my previous partner two weeks ago that he had a genital wart (I will call him John). I panicked and had a full screening done two weeks ago and this Tuesday had the horrible phone call that I was clear of everything but I tested positive for herpes...that was the last thing I expected to hear. I of course called John and told him that I tested positive and that he needed to be tested immediatly, that was yesterday.

I have been with one person unprotected since being with John and that was less than 2 months ago. So now I am torn..who gave this to me?? Do I wait until I have the test results from him to tell my most recent partner or do I call him and tell him now?? If John comes back negative then I know I got this from my most recent partner, if John comes back positive...The thought of calling him and telling I possibly could have infected him is tearing me apart. I am already a mess just finding out that I have it...I can feel myself sinking into a black hole, I can't eat or sleep, I feel like I don't even recognize myself and to top it all off I think I have a genital wart from John...I am just disgusted by myself.

[Wanderer]

Tough Decision

just diagnosed, in terms of HPV (genital warts), if they did an HPV test when you were tested for STDs they were scraping the cervix to see if you had any high (cancer causing) or low-risk (wart causing) infections there. If that came back negative, you're in the clear for high-risk types. And, the HPV strains that cause actual warts on the skin are not the ones that cause cancer. So, if you do have a wart that manifests, you can treat it and the virus will eventually be cleared by your immune system. Don't feel disgusted with yourself, this is another common reality. In fact, it's more common than HSV 2! Nearly 80% of sexually active women will contract some strain of HPV in their lifetime, most are just unaware because the warts do not appear or are so insignificant they go unnoticed.

In terms of telling partners, my last two partners were both unintentional one-night stands--men I'd dated for a short period of time and had intended to see longer, but ... I am no longer in touch with the man I was with back in January, though I am in touch, or rather could be, with the man I was with just over a month ago. I have decided to wait to tell him until I 100% confirm my diagnosis. The main reason being that I don't want to cause him undue stress, especially if the blood testing available here in China turns out to be not that accurate.

I think that the reality of knowing you've infected someone else (particularly if you're aware of your infection), or of simply knowing you could be infected, is knowledge a person should have. At the very least, consider that it will, hopefully, encourage the person you are telling to adopt better practices in the future that will possibly prevent further spread of the virus. Circumstances may not allow you to contact everyone. I think it's a question of figuring out when the most likely time period of infection was, who you were with during that period, and go from there. Not everyone needs a heartfelt talk either, especially if you're no longer close. It's just a question of notifying them. This website also has an anonymous email system through which you can inform people, does it not? That's one possible way to go.