I know I shouldn't

[crying]

Now that I have been diagnosed with hsv I have become more carefree. Not in the good way though. I don't care what happens to me or my body anymore. I have had previous depression, and this has worsened it. Last week I self harmed (yeah whatever make fun of me) all over my arms and thighs. My teacher noticed some scratches when I raised my hand, he gave me a talk, asked if I was hurting myself, told me not too, and now has made passive aggressive statements out loud urging me not too (yesterday he jokingly said scars are attractive on guys, not on girls) I'm the only one with any sort of scars, it was directed towards me. Not that I care about what he says, but it was pretty awkward and strange. 

 Lately now I just hate my body, I hate everything about myself, and herpes has only strengthened that thought. I've  tried smoking weed/cigarettes and alcohol, things that every high schooler does but doesn't want their parents to know. I am thinking about doing more hardcore drugs like heroin and meth, since I have the access/know where to get it. Nothing is stopping me but my friends, they smoke with me but they tell me not to try anything else or it will ruin my life. My life already feels ruined...

btw in case anyone is wondering, the weed barely helps. 

[inde21]

Ok hard core drugs not the answer. I dated a heroine addict for 4 years it ruined his life and all his relationships including ours. Herpes sucks it does and it feels like life is over but it's not. The chatroom on here really helped me when I was first diagnosed I felt the same way you did like I have herpes now so nothing else matters. Your teacher sounds like a double bag but good news once your out of school you do that have to deal with that anymore. Basically just keep your head up this disease does get better with time I know it doesn't seem like it will but it does.

[fortunate111]

On 9/19/2015 at 7:46 AM, crying said:

Now that I have been diagnosed with hsv I have become more carefree. Not in the good way though. I don't care what happens to me or my body anymore. I have had previous depression, and this has worsened it. Last week I self harmed (yeah whatever make fun of me) all over my arms and thighs. My teacher noticed some scratches when I raised my hand, he gave me a talk, asked if I was hurting myself, told me not too, and now has made passive aggressive statements out loud urging me not too (yesterday he jokingly said scars are attractive on guys, not on girls) I'm the only one with any sort of scars, it was directed towards me. Not that I care about what he says, but it was pretty awkward and strange. 

 Lately now I just hate my body, I hate everything about myself, and herpes has only strengthened that thought. I've  tried smoking weed/cigarettes and alcohol, things that every high schooler does but doesn't want their parents to know. I am thinking about doing more hardcore drugs like heroin and meth, since I have the access/know where to get it. Nothing is stopping me but my friends, they smoke with me but they tell me not to try anything else or it will ruin my life. My life already feels ruined...

btw in case anyone is wondering, the weed barely helps. 

I can certainly relate.  Before I even contracted H, I had (and still have) huge scars up and down both arms from cutting.  And you are right, weed barely helps (it's a nice little recreational herb, but it's not going to perform miracles and lift somebody out of deep depression).  Your teacher sounds like someone who actually does care but is ABSOLUTELY CLUELESS about how to communicate in a sensitive manner to a young person.  Up until recently, I've been in a super dark mind state as well.  You mentioned weed not helping, but if you bring heroin and/or meth into the mix, it's just going to make things 100x worse.  I realize that you are currently in a "f#%* it all" mindset, but I swear if you can just stay afloat for a little while (i.e. staying away from the heroin/meth), allow yourself to love and accept yourself, there will be somebody who will come into your life who loves and accepts you.  That is what happened to me.  An absolute angel has come into my life, a wonderful person who accepts both my scars and my hsv.  It happens.  It can happen to you.  Please just give yourself a chance.  I am rooting for you.  People on this forum who read your post are rooting for you.  *Sending you warmth, positive rays, and love