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he couldn't enjoy sex


faithful1

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Hi this is my first post... I'm in need of some encouragement.

I recently left my boyfriend. Let me summarize the situation--I found out I had genital HSV2 while pregnant (we had been dating only a few months prior). We moved in together after finding out I was pregnant and were determined to make things work between us, spoke of marriage even... we would have sex every day just about until I found out about this virus. I was a month pregnant at the time. I really wanted to talk about his concerns and discuss the issue but he always changed the subject. He would make other excuses for not wanting sex--he was tired, we'd hurt the baby etc... anyway we grew very distant, we'd have sex maybe 2x/month and I'd always be the one to initiate. I was an emotional wreck as you can imagine... he showed absolutely zero interest in me. I would offer him info on the virus but he'd not be willing to listen or inform himself. Not only was there very little sex from then on but he would not show affection in other ways either--holding hands, cuddling, none of that... Well, I recently left not only because of the complete lack of affection but for other reasons as well. Am dealing with custody issues right now. Well after my leaving while speaking on the phone he informed me that he had been masturbating 3-4x / week b/c he could not enjoy sex with me. I did not suspect this honestly. I would constantly request sex/want to talk about our intimacy with no success...come to find out he was fearful to touch me. I am very saddened about this and feel like I will be facing a future of zero affection.

It would help for me to hear from someone who is in a loving, committed relationship where this virus is accepted. I have come to accept it (have only had the one outbreak in 13 mths) but hate knowing that someone who supposedly loved me was afraid to even touch me.

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I don't know if you got this from him or if you had this before and only found out when you were pregnant but this man has a personal problem.

If you take the time to look through the posts you'll find that there are plenty of people who have hsv, and other issues as well, who have healthy happy relationships and our partners are loving and affectionate and not afraid of showing it.

I'm sorry that he hurt you - I can tell that he really did and you deserve much better.

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I'm not sure if I had it before and just found out either, he says he checked out negative and that he normally would get tested together w/ partners before being intimate but I find that hard to believe b/c he once told me the # of partners he's had and it was staggering, inching toward triple digits even... that's just insane.

Yeah he did hurt me I really got wrapped up with an insensitive person. Thanks for your reply Caliope it's encouraging I'll look through the posts

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yeah, you know what...this guy sounds like he has some major issues. what a creep. Sorry you are going through all this at such a time in your life.

I think HE had/has some sexual hangups that have NOTHING to do with you, but he is using YOU as a scapegoat for HIS problems. Much easier to blame those around you then face up to what the REAL issues are...(and that is exactly what he is doing.)

I would bet my bottom dollar mister holier than thou gave this to you, (especially considering the number of his sexual escapades...he sounds like one of the many delusionoids in this world) but that is neither here nor there at this point. Focus on yourself, staying healthy and strong, and taking care of that baby. And if he wants to be a super putz and also play the custody battle game, then you are really in for a bumpy ride. But don't let him get you down. Just take care of yourself.

I hope things get better for you soon. Take care of yourself.

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im had HSV since 2005 - and am currently in a very very loving relasonship with the girl of my dreams - she doesnt have the HSV virus.

i told her proir to us engaging in sexual matters - she was very honest with me, asked a few questions to which i replied truthfully and didnt sugarcoat any of the answers...

within a few minutes she flung her amrs around me, told me she had totally fallen in love with me and nothing will stop us being together....

goes to show that loves conquers all. and HSV is no barrier when love is concernd.

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And if he wants to be a super putz and also play the custody battle game, then you are really in for a bumpy ride. But don't let him get you down. Just take care of yourself.

yeah he is being a super putz actually... filing for full custody on account of my being "mentally unstable" :-? but I'm not scared it's not as if I need to defend myself... I'm a perfectly suitable mother and he knows that. I think you may be right about him having some sexual hangups of his own, if he does he sure never communicated them with me. As your signature says gutted, I think that our relationship broke down due to a lack of communication (above other things...this dude's got several issues)

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the thing that really frustrates me is that this whole custody thing is a power struggle w/ him... that's all it boils down to. He's the type who must have the final say and MY leaving HIM just kills him I'm sure.

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the thing that really frustrates me is that this whole custody thing is a power struggle w/ him... that's all it boils down to. He's the type who must have the final say and MY leaving HIM just kills him I'm sure.

First and foremost, worry about your child before anything else. It really doesn't matter who gave you the virus (although your ex is obviously the leading candidate) because you have it and it is permanent.

It doesn't matter what drives him, he has obvious issues. Once we get into a relationship it is difficult to leave. I had that problem with my ex-wife who DID give me the virus but I primarily stayed in there because of her kids. Ultimately, I had to realize that I could no longer deal with her behavior and that, sad as it made me, I had no claim on the kids. I finally left. Stay smart and don't return to him.

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Most std screens do NOT include herpes so even if he did get tested with his staggering number of partners it is doubtful that they were all tested for the herp.

But - whatever - if you had it before, or got it from him, you can't truly know. Just hope that the custody thing works out for you since it sounds like he's being a total jerk; the good thing is that there is the stereotype out there of that kind of ex, and the judges are usually able to tell apart the "i'm only fighting her for custody cause of a power-struggle" type from the guys who are legitimately seeking custody.

While H can be awkward for new relationships, a guy worth having will not turn you away because of it. Think of the H as filtering out some scum...

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    • FeelingLost75
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    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
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