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I can't do this


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I didn't know. I didn't have a chance to stop or prevent it. And now I am forced to live with it, for the rest of my life.

Nothing I will ever be able to do for myself will help this. No matter how skinny I get or how pretty I try to look, I will always be a diseased piece of shit.

I have read online surveys where most guys said they would be unwilling to ever sleep with a girl with herpes, even on their death bed. 

I'm 17 years old. This past year I suffered deep depression and anxiety which resulted in a drug and alcohol problem. I blacked out often. Almost every time I went out. One of these blackouts had consequences. I experienced the worst pain of my life a few days after the 4th of July not understanding the cause. I assumed it was an extreme yeast infection or a UTI. Never in a million years would I have imagined myself here. Herpes. 

I don't even remember the night that now left me with this horrible consequence FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 

College is next year but it is very hard to get excited about. Nothing I will ever do will be enough. 

Today at school, one of the girls from my lunch table recently had a rash on her vagina and received her results today that said she did not have herpes. This spiked a conversation among the entire table of how disgusting herpes is and 'THANK GOD' they don't have it. Others proceeded to 'joke' and say, "Guys, I have herpes" and then bursting into laughter as if that is the joke of the century. All while I must sit there with a neutral look upon my face, as if it does not bother me at all. as if it is not ripping apart any bit of self confidence I have worked to achieve. I can't say anything. I just have to endure. and endure. and endure. as they laugh and laugh and laugh. 

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There'll be vaccines and treatments on the market very soon. So for now it sucks. You can still date and it'll be okay, but yeah I get that it sucks. But in just a few years there'll be vaccines so that other people can't get it from you, and if you work on yourself till then, you'll be able to reap the fruits of all that self improvement. So no, it's not gonna be like this forever.

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I'm 40 and got diagnosed 2 mths ago. Recently left my infulfilled marriage and jumped head first into the dating scene. LOVED IT!! Until one night I broke my rules and slept with a dude the first night. Condom broke but kept going (damn booze). And now I'm stuck so I know how you feel. I left my husband and broke up my family for THIS? What the fuck now?!

well, keep looking online and online dating just to see what's out there. It's encourage, sweety trust me. Not ready for other sites yet so for now an sticking to my own kind. You're 17. You'll get through it. Plus, the longer you have it the more antibodies you'll develop. My GF has had it for a decade and her BF of 6 yrs is still clean.

It sucks knowing we got this drunk (shame, humiliation, guilt) I cried almost daily for a month. I snapped out of it. Thanks to sites like these. I'm still a sexy mo'fo' - and when I got it I had already decided to start looking for something serious. Got no choice now! Although, there are people on those sites I told u about who are looking for fun. Condoms though!!! 

Chin up. You got this ;)


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Don't trust surveys about what guys think. They're not necessarily accurate as guys will say one thing when asked on a survey and think another when they're in the moment. I wish I could say it was just as simple as thinking with one head or another, but in reality many are ignorant as to what herpes is but still jump on the herpes stigma bandwagon that has been sensationalized in popular culture. It's like a knee-jerk reaction and what you're thinking and feeling right now is partially a consequence of the same phenomenon.

Most people who are infected with herpes don't even realize that they are infected. Those that are affected with significant symptoms mostly find that subsequent outbreaks (if any) are much less severe and/or completely disappear.

Once someone is educated and informed, understanding what the risks are and how to minimize them, it's not hard for them to look past a simple skin condition. As vzhe has pointed out, there are also vaccines on the way. Meanwhile, there are antivirals to control symptoms and to minimize shedding in-between outbreaks (if you want to beat a sub 1% risk of transmission into a sub <<<<<1% risk).

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HEY Killmenowplease, welcome. At my daughter's university there are dozens of students with very visible cold sores (h type 1) and they laugh, hug and kiss their friends sing out loud and just show signs of being young adults at play enjoying college life. Those people you were with they sound very immature and its highly possible they do have something like herpes but just don't know to properly test. I was tested once before I gave birth and I'd had my Ghsv2, several years at that time, my doctor had to correct those findings by saying " Ms Aces does has herpes simplex genitally" which the other doctor was unsure whether he wanted to assist with my daughter's delivery. So don't let the ignorance of others define who or what you will or can have. College is a whole different world and no one will remember those girls or their silly jokes. Also if they are sexually active at this age, chances are they will be joining us in the h community soon enough. Many have the virus and just as many have no clue it's herpes. Take care Aces xo 

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Hehe, life is so funny.   You know, it's as if the world is out to poke at our insecurities.  And it'll continue to poke at them for as long as we're not at peace with them.  

It's a long haul of a journey but the more you can come to terms with it not bothering you then the less those situations will arise.  Or if they do arise then you won't be affected.

During my first outbreak and initial infection... Oh, the thought of kissing someone horrified me.  Before, when I saw couples be cute with each other, I was so happy for them.  But I would get depressed and discouraged for life when I would witness them 6 months ago...   Now, I'm back to being happy for those in love.   People talk about it and I don't think too much of it.    

But you must do the self-work!!! You must sit with yourself and work it out with yourself. Expose yourself to the forces that be that you want to be over this. That if you are to live with this; whether there's an upcoming cure, vaccine or it's for the rest of your life that you can be happy and unperturbed by the nonsense.   


Herpes is really interesting.  I appreciate it so much. I hate it.  I'm a lil' worried of the future and excited at the same time.  It's a grand challenge if you decide to accept it.   I mean, you ought to accept the challenge and work with it.  We have it and to not participate and engage at least a little bit in growing through, with and/or beyond It is kind of a waste of one's precious time.  Especially if the longer we avoid working with it the more discomfort it gives.  Who enjoys that?

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Sanguine's post is beautifully written and speaks to something a lot of us on this website encounter - do you face herpes and accept it, and grow for the better with it? Or do you hide from it, take it negatively and stay stuck in that negativity.

The majority of us who come to this website arrive looking for support because the diagnosis hit us hard. I'll let you know that there are a bunch of people out there with herpes and know it, who will never visit this support group. Why is that?

It's time to answer the question - what is it about herpes that is hurting you? Really think on it.

Is it shame? Is it feeling undesirable? Is it fear? Why? What are the roots of these feelings?

What can you do to change that attitude?


VVK is right - I've spoken to many people here, and I've finally opened up to people in my own life. There are people who will accept you. Don't be fooled by appearances.


The world will change the moment you change. Perspective is everything. It is difficult at the beginning - it always is. That's no excuse though - tell yourself to get up every morning. Make a plan for the day. Then do it again, and again.

Stop speaking to yourself in negative ways - if you tell yourself that you are diseased, then that's all you are defining yourself by. Frankly, every single human being on this planet is diseased (yes, we are - chicken pox? You carry that for life too). When we are hurt, in distress, we focus inward. If you want to feel better, start by looking out. I know its difficult - I've been there, we all have. But start living, and soon, your brain will get new memories and focus less on what's bugging you.


When it becomes too much, talk to us, or speak to a councilor or therapist. Find an in person herpes group - meet other people with herpes (they're normal people too!! Surprise!) Express what you need to feel but remember - "this too shall pass" :)


Finally, I'll draw your attention to some really cool news...

This man has HIV - he also has a family.

If he can do it, so can we.



Nothing and no one is stopping you from living, dating, and experiencing the life you want. Who cares about the people who say otherwise - never let an opinion drag you down! The people who matter will always care for you, including that future someone who will want you for who you are :)

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You're doing one of the best things that you can do for yourself by letting it all out here. Keep sharing. It gets the poison out. Before long you will see some important things differently and you'll have hope. Then one day you'll find yourself laughing again.

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    • WilsoInAus
      I really suggest that the best thing is for both you and your boyfriend to obtain the Westernblot HSV test. He has a 50%+ chance of being positive and you have a 50%+ chance of being negative. Only the Westernblot can sort this out for you.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @kpn the first thing to note is that it is all OK to have HSV-1 or indeed any HSV type. It is not negligence, it is just being human. Oral HSV-1 is not an STD in the sense that the primary transmission is non sexual and the majority of it occurs between parents to children. If any of your children contracted HSV, you would know it. It wouldn't be a silent infection for children. HSV-2 tends not to shed from the oral region for people who have it there in any event. At age 73, about 80% of the population has HSV-1. There is no reason to believe that your mother isn't one of those people. About half of all carriers of oral HSV-1 do not realise they have it and have no living memory of cold sores as they were infected when very young. The most logical explanation is that your mother has oral HSV-1 from her childhood and that your daughter doesn't have oral HSV. Not that it is relevant to anyone but yourself, but your wife might find she actually has genital HSV-1 having had an untyped swab when she was diagnosed.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @Dylan86 and welcome to the website. First note that you cannot pragmatically become infected with HSV-1 from sharing a drink. If you carry HSV-1, it did not come from that episode. As such it is extremely unlikely HSV-1 is the primary cause of your issues. Can the WB miss a HSV-1 infection? Rarely but its feasible in less than 1% of carriers who test with WB. Note that the WB does not have values, it has positive or negative as you say. It is way more accurate than IgG as it looks for all 30+ antibodies that are in your blood for HSV. Could you have HSV-1? Yes it is feasible, but it would be a very old childhood infection. Could HSV-1 be causing your oral issues? No herpes will not cause the burning mouth syndrome you describe. Could some of the lesions be herpes related? It is feasible if you are a carrier. But it is unlikely to be the primary cause of the issues, but its an opportunistic virus that can cause issues when something else is taxing your immune system. The best thing you can do is the PCR test on a oral lesion and that will be pretty definitive. Either way, in summary. I'd suggest there is <1% chance you are part of about 70% of the population that has HSV-1. Further there is less than a 1% chance that herpes is the primary cause of your issues.   
    • kpn
      My wife has had hsv 2 for around 8 years. We have two young children 3 years old and 18 months old. My wife only had one outbreak when she was first infected so we didn't worry too much about passing it on to our children. I understand the risk to be pretty low under those circumstances. I don't believe my wife took antivirals during either pregnancy. My younger child has diaper rashes pretty often and has had what I thought was hand foot and mouth disease. That was going around the daycare a while back. I haven't really given it much concern though.  About a week ago, my mother kissed my youngest on the lips. My kid was congested at the time but they pretty much always are. About 3 days later, my mother developed a cold sore on her mouth. She has never had cold sores in her life and she is 73 and happily married so she is not going around messing with anyone. She pointed to the fact she had kissed my youngest and presumed that is where she was infected. At first I said that's not possible since my child has never had any cold sores but since then I have really started to consider that maybe it is possible she contracted it from my daughter. This has me worried that my daughter does indeed have hsv2 and was shedding in her mouth. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am really losing sleep about this. Two people I care so much about got hsv from my negligence. I am fine if I were to contract it, I am not worried about what others think at this point in my life. I just don't want anyone else to have it. 
    • CHT
      Hello DavidGua.... based on the two pictures, I'm not seeing anything that resembles a typical herpes outbreak.  I am not sure what those spots are on your penis.  Please have a doctor take a look and I'm sure you'll get a proper diagnosis.  Have you ever received an HSV antibody test (IgG)?  Again, I doubt your symptoms are herpes-related but, if you'd like some peace of mind, you could request the IgG antibody test for HSV2.   Best of luck.... let us know if you have any other questions/concerns.
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