Should I believe him

[Suezim]

My boyfriend of 4 and a half years has just informed me that I have given him herpes. I have never experienced any of the signs or symptons that I have read about. He says that he first noticed it on me 4 years ago but has said nothing all along. In an arguement a little while ago he sent me a text message saying that I had given him this disease. Is it possible for me to have had it for the last four years without ever having one outbreak, or an itch, or pain, or anything visible. I find it hard to believe. I suspected him at the beginning of the year of having a bit on the side and my thoughts are that he might have got it then and is now trying to blame me. How will I ever find out the truth?

[gutted.]

go and get yourself tested - simple.

[bluefrog]

in addition to getting yourself tested; follow your gut feeling.

[thiscantbe]

It is possible to have H and have no symptoms.

just curious... how did he notice it on you 4 years ago? that is the part that seems weird to me... cause how would he notice it unless you had something visible? I have to say I'd sure speak up if I saw something wrong with my partner's bits, rather than just diving right in...

Anyway, yeah, get tested. If you don't have it, then you can't have given it to him.

If you do have it, maybe you gave it to him, and maybe you didn't. Maybe he was the one who gave it to you. The thing with H is that unless you experience a massive primary outbreak and have evidence of seroconversion (i.e go from a negative to a positive test), it's pretty hard to tell when you contracted the virus. A lot of people out there have it and don't know it, so it's easy to play the blame game.

[It's.no.biggie!]

... how did he notice it on you 4 years ago? that is the part that seems weird to me...

Yeah, sounds like BS to me; like bluefrog said, trust yourself. If you've already suspected him of being a dog, well... Don't let anyone feed you s**t and call it sugar

[bluefrog]

YES, it is possible to have H and have no symptoms. Many in this forum have said as much. Scary but true.

[Unbelievable]

What an ass.... jeez.... I hope he is an ex-boyfriend now....

go get tested... and go from there... if you have it... so be it... but there won't really be a way to tell who had it first if he has it too....

and... I tested positive for HSV about 3 years ago... and never had an outbreak that I know of... so it is possible...

[Suezim]

Thanks you guys for all your answers. I plan to go get a test very soon. Just hope that have that kind of testing here where I come from. Is it best to go to a gyne or my local GP.?

[Suezim]

Am curious to know what made you go get tested if you never had an outbreak?

What I can't understand is if he saw something visible on me (an outbreak), how come I never experienced any kind of symptoms, an itch, a sore, burning anything to make me think something was not right. I have been reading and re-reading everyones stories and from what I can make out the norm is to be in so much pain etc.

Pardon me for sounding dim but I really am in denial about all this. Have made a booking for a test - can only see my doctor next Monday so another agonising week of wondering, reading other stories etc and my brain is in overdrive.

[Caliope]

Doesn't this cause bells to go off in your head that something is just not right about his story?

It seems unlikely that someone else would notice an ob on you that you would not notice yourself. If I observed sores on my partners genitals I would not be silent nor would I engage in sexual activity with them without knowing the cause of the sores.

If you are sexually active you should be having period sexual health exams by a dr. that include such things as routine pap smears, breast exams and testing for sexually transmitted diseases. This is an opportunity to ask your dr questions about your sexual health as well as advice on birth control and preventing std's. If you don't make your health a priority who will?

I'm sorry that this man has convinced you that you should question your own experiences. If you are not sure about his sexual integrity you should take note that something in your relationship is causing you not to trust him and this can apply to everything. He is admitting that he has herpes but until you get checked you will not know if you have it also. He could also have other diseases that you are not aware of as well. I would not continue to have relations with him if you don't know that he is completely trustworthy.

[Unbelievable]

Am curious to know what made you go get tested if you never had an outbreak?

What I can't understand is if he saw something visible on me (an outbreak), how come I never experienced any kind of symptoms, an itch, a sore, burning anything to make me think something was not right. I have been reading and re-reading everyones stories and from what I can make out the norm is to be in so much pain etc.

Pardon me for sounding dim but I really am in denial about all this. Have made a booking for a test - can only see my doctor next Monday so another agonising week of wondering, reading other stories etc and my brain is in overdrive.

I got tested because... I was told I gave it to someone.... but I later found out... that he gave it to me... his ex has it too... and she told me he played that same shit on her... saying she gave it to him.... and she found out that his ex before her had it too.... so it was his pattern to blame the current... I think it is his way of telling that he has it... but not taking any responsibility for passing it.... the blame game as I call it...

[Suezim]

Thanks for your reply. Yes in May I saw my gyne and had the routine annual pap test as well as a visual examination etc and the results all came back fine, but I have read on this website that a pap test does not confirm anything thats why I am so confused. When I see the gyne next Monday I will be able to explain to her the story and then she can do a blood test and I hope to have some clarity on the whole issue. Thanks again for your time in replying to me. Does anyone have any comments on whether herpes changes your periods eg, very heavy or anything like that.

[Caliope]

Just to clarify the pap smear is to test for abnormal cells and possible cancers it is not a test for std's that is a separate proceedure that usually requires blood testing.

Hsv is a virus just like a cold or the flu is a virus. They do not change your periods or your normal bodily functions. Your body has a response to them because they are foreign pathogens which is why we get repeated ob's from the hsv which happens to be tougher for our bodies to fight than the common cold or most flu's.

So did you get tested for hsv? If you do not have it and your bf does and he is known to cheat you should take this as an opportunity to protect yourself and try to avoid being infected.

[starphyse]

Sadly they say men are most prone to know they have a std and not tell a partner they have it. Especially if they have rejection problems from the beginning.

[tothefuture]

To answer the original question - no, you shouldn't believe him.

It's bullshit. Who's ever heard of seeing signs of an STD on your partner and not...err, mentioning it?????

[tohealth]

It's bullshit.

I LOVE the candor of this thread. <<APPLAUSE TO ALL>>

I got tested because... I was told I gave it to someone.... but I later found out... that he gave it to me... his ex has it too... and she told me he played that same shit on her... saying she gave it to him.... and she found out that his ex before her had it too.... so it was his pattern to blame the current... I think it is his way of telling that he has it... but not taking any responsibility for passing it.... the blame game as I call it...

Exactly. And all of you should have cleaned his sorry clock in court (don't mind me, it's just a legal dream case--this is EXACTLY what the court would dig deep to punish. He is a demented, manipulative, public health threat. People like that should disappear msyteriously...)

[starphyse]

I LOVE the candor of this thread. <<APPLAUSE TO ALL>>

Exactly. And all of you should have cleaned his sorry clock in court (don't mind me, it's just a legal dream case--this is EXACTLY what the court would dig deep to punish. He is a demented, manipulative, public health threat. People like that should disappear msyteriously...)

Alot of times the std cases of I was tricked gets treated along the same lines of I got drunk and had sex and I was raped. Especially if alcohol is involved. Alot of men with herpes are alot less open about it if not in denial totally. Honestly if you meet someone hardly know them and sleep with them the first night you meet them or even within the first 3 days your accepting the fact that your partner is prolly a full time sex whore. Most guys like that really don't care much about checking themselves for std's they just want to get laid as often as possible without a relationship. On the brighter note its not always like that best to know yourself before you try to know someone else.

[justagirl]

I stand by everyone else that has said his story sounds fishy. He saw what he knew to be a herpes sore on your genitals... 4 years ago... but didn't mention it? Yeah right, especially if he is suddenly flipping his top over it.

You need to get tested.

For me, I could've contracted the virus anywhere in the 4 month span I was seeing the person that gave it to me. I found out I have H about a month ago, and didn't experience a visible outbreak until Monday. So yeah, you CAN have it and not show symptoms (as many others have said) but all in all this story sounds like exactly that: a story.

The thing is, when they do paps they aren't looking for herpes. Unless you are having an outbreak the swab they do won't show it as far as I've come to understand. A blood test will be the tell-all for you. I think you could go to a GP or a gyno and get the same testing--but you may be more comfortable in a gyno's office since I'm sure they see this on a far more regular basis. After all, vaginas are their life's work.

Best of luck sweetheart, keep us updated.

[starphyse]

Blood tests can sometimes show negetive for months before positive it all depends my girlfriend she found out from a swab however during a outbreak so but as justagirl said best of luck.

[bcdavis]

Belive Him

Dear Suzie,

I am so sorry that your boyfriend is now saying that you passed this on to him. The truth is unfortuantely this a very good possibility. But you will not know until you are tested even if you have it. The other unfortunately reality is that he could be right. I have learned that you can have the virus in your body and exhibit no symptoms at all. Same thing with your boyfriend. He could have passed it to you and not knowing that he had it. I hope you will go get tested.

I wish you all the very best!

P.S Even if you have the virus, you are still of value and worth! Never forget that!

[starphyse]

Dear Suzie,

I am so sorry that your boyfriend is now saying that you passed this on to him. The truth is unfortuantely this a very good possibility. But you will not know until you are tested even if you have it. The other unfortunately reality is that he could be right. I have learned that you can have the virus in your body and exhibit no symptoms at all. Same thing with your boyfriend. He could have passed it to you and not knowing that he had it. I hope you will go get tested.

I wish you all the very best!

P.S Even if you have the virus, you are still of value and worth! Never forget that!

Yeah bcdavis is right don't destory yourself cause of it.. its really nothing to worry about like having a rash very so often that has a chance of being spread nothing major. There are far worse things you could have happen to you. I myself don't have herpes my girlfriend does and we are very happy together and sex isn't really a issue if I get herpes I salt bath it when its wet and powder it when it itchs till it goes away and I go on like nothing happened.

[lostforwords]

Saying hi and wondering what to do not to loose my partner

I can alomost understand SueZim's parner's desperate attempt to blame her. I just got the phonecall from my doctor an hour ago and it came as a bit of a shock. I know my partner is faithful or at least I think. When I had the test done he promised me that it will come out negative because he had a blood test done as part of a routine exsam and he was negative. He also said that he never displayed any symptoms.

So here I come with a positive test and all the symptoms so how do I expain that one to him? The easiest thing to say is that I got it from him because I don't want to loose him but I think I must have picked it up somewhere else. I just can't explain it though.

1. Can I pick it up from someone as a female years before our relationship and then suddenly have it manifest?

2. Can I pick it up without sexual contact like touching someones hand who may have touched their own infected genitals?

3. He showed flu like symptoms but no breakout. Did I give it to him?

[starphyse]

Any partner of someone that has herpes needs to be tested if they just found out. Basicly it can be spread without symptoms. There is always a chance of picking up herpes in any form on other parts of the body its uncommon however most common places are mouth and genitals. Most people with mouth have hsv1 oral but you can get the genital hsv2 as well on your mouth but its not as bad since its much more happy and productive in the genitals and same with the oral hsv1 is more productive. Its hard to spread though to area's other then where its preferenced especially if you already have it. If you don't have it better chance though.