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Please don't hate me! Considering not disclosing hsv2

DrearyDaysAhead

By DrearyDaysAhead
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DrearyDaysAhead Established Member

DrearyDaysAhead

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I know.It's terrible! And I'm not sure that I can actually do it, but in my mind, I go back and forth about discolsure.

I haven't had sex since November of 2014 and I miss it.I only had 1 outbreak  for sure, in June of 2015, and that's what led to my diagnosis.I had a swab taken, followed by a blood test.The blood test had a high value so I must have had this for much longer than I've known.

I don't want to tell.

But I know that's not the right thing to do and that's why I've kind of given up on even trying to date.I know you all will say that there are people who will accept me and all that, but I just don't think I can do it.

I have told 2 guys and they haven't spoken to me since.I know they were jerks but still.

Edited by DrearyDaysAhead
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scaredbuthopeful2015 Established Member

scaredbuthopeful2015

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Dear Dreary, only you can decide what to do.  But to be honest, what's more important is how you well feel after...especially if they catch it...then also pass it on.  Many of us on here did not have a choice...but it would have been nice if we did.

I understand how you feel...because when I disclosed after I found out, I lost someone I really cared about who had just returned in my life.  He was scared and not willing to take the chance...so ya it sucks.

But I have to say...if you were sure you wanted to do it and were not having doubts I don't believe you would be posting here.  Right?  I wouldn't hate you...but I just hope you give this serious thought because the last thing you want is for YOU to hate you.  Be well.

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DrearyDaysAhead Established Member

DrearyDaysAhead

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Thanks for saying that Scaredbuthopeful.

I do have doubts. Most days I know I need to disclose, but then there are those other days where I just imagine how much easier things would be if I just acted like the 80% of herpsters who "don't know they have it"

It'sfunnythat I posted this today (I've been neaning to for a while now)but one of the guys who I mentioned that didn't talk to me after I told him...he texted me a few hours later today.

He wants to have sex knowing I have it. I couldn't meet up with him today but I said I would see him on Monday if he's up for it.He might be drunk, Idk. But still, that gave me a tiny bit of hope that maybe I can tell, and if a guy is horny enough,  he just might take the risk anyway.

 

Weird how that happened 

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scaredbuthopeful2015 Established Member

scaredbuthopeful2015

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No problem..I hope it helped.  I'm glad he text you...and I can tell you...some guys it really doesn't seem to matter to them.  The few friends and past partners I told said it would not bother them either.  So even if he is drunk, I'm sure someone will be only too happy to take his place lol.  Night

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VVK Platinum Support Member

VVK

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@DrearyDaysAhead just keep in mind that you should still remain vigilant about partners' sexual health. I see too many herpsters who get tunnel vision about HSV and completely forget that there are way worse conditions out there that are worth disclosing and that don't get disclosed just how HSV often doesn't get disclosed.

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blue84 Established Member

blue84

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You need to stop thinking of yourself and tell people true..from a mans point of view if a women lied I would dump her ass so fast if she lied about stds..am not sure if u can sue someone that lied to u about stds..but you need to grown up and live life stop thinking about what u have and why u can't have sex.. I done all and liven life to fullest its all confidence and how u approach every situation

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DrearyDaysAhead Established Member

DrearyDaysAhead

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I will be vigilant about my partner's health, yes, thank you VVK.

Blue, you're right.I think I will be honest.It was just a thought.I'm struggling a bit but I don't think I could go through with lying.It's just my mind plays devil's advocate sometimes.

P.S. I think I'm going to have sex tomorrow with a guy who knows.I'm excited and nervous.

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Mellisuga Established Member

Mellisuga

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As a general rule, I wouldn't let rejections or blow offs get you down. Just like you said, those guys were jerks, lol.

Not all guys are jerks. I certainly don't hate you for not wanting to disclose - I have HSV2 as well, and sometimes the thought really sucks - having to say that you are different, for some odd reason. We all know the stats - we know that we are unfairly penalized (and 80% of people with it just get to walk around, without the burden of disclosure).

That being said, we all have sex for different reasons. In my own case, I could only see myself becoming intimate with someone I care for - disclosure is not only a no brainer, but I wouldn't be able to stop myself even if I tried - it's just tied with the experiences making me who I've become at this point. I've spoken about it to friends, and to me, it really doesn't feel like a burden. I, personally, WANT to have that discussion with partners.

Also, my own isolation and hurt at my diagnosis would prompt me to disclose. I'd never want to put anyone through that, and if they take it hard, I'd want to help. That adds a bit of bias.

I'll admit, I could understand why the casual sex scene would be different. Everyone should exercise discretion in these cases, because more often than not, there isn't much incentive on either end for people to disclose, if that's the mindset people bring into the equation - so what are you being exposed to? Ultimately, you can choose to add to that culture (which I find rather disrespectful to the other person) or just go with it. I don't mean to  sound judgmental, but sex without disclosure on both ends is selfish sex. What else can you call it? But if both parties walk in with eyes fully open to that fact, then...*shrugs* it's your call.

From what I hear though, most people really don't care.

What would you say if they phoned you back, asking if you gave them herpes?

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DrearyDaysAhead Established Member

DrearyDaysAhead

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Hey guys, thanks for all your input and support! I forgot to update this.

 I did disclose...and had sex afterwards.So now I'm not afraid to disclose to anyone anymore.Wooo!

I mean, yeah, it sucks,  and some people might turn me down, but having sex with someone who knew the risks, showed me that some guys just dgaf.

Plus my ex is the only other guy who knows, and he's been wanting to see me again lately too. So he's the 2nd guy who knows and doesn't care.

A few months ago, I never would have believed it! Plus, I've got way bigger things that are stressing me out in life.Herpes feels like no big deal.Maybe I'm losing my mind a bit too but I'm okay with that.Haha

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