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Dating with Herpes :( I think Not!


Obsolete

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Everyday is a emotional Rollercoaster

I'm up I'm Down I'm sideways 

When I think about the future with someone I see

No more Children

No Ring or Marriage

No Falling in Love 

No sex  

No intimacy

No Oral :(:( Such a Bummer 

I see a life of secrets because who do I dare tell my business too? 

I can say these things are not important I can say Yea one day A guy will get on one knee and propose to me.. I couldn't get a ring without herpes I guess this complicates things huh.. 

Edited by Obsolete
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Obsolete, 

I know exactly how you feel. I was just diagnosed about a month ago and spent about a week straight crying literally ever minute I was awake. I still have crying episodes and have the same thoughts as you. I'm just hoping it really does get better with time.  Just know your not alone. 

Serenity

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I know how you feel. It's discouraging. I'm going to wait until Jan. it'll be almost 6mths by then, hopefully I'll have have developed a good amount of antibodies... There are online dating sites for those with cooties... I met someone, nothing serious but I did.

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Everyday is a emotional Rollercoaster

I'm up I'm Down I'm sideways 

When I think about the future with someone I see

No more Children

No Ring or Marriage

No Falling in Love 

No sex  

No intimacy

No Oral :(:( Such a Bummer 

I see a life of secrets because who do I dare tell my business too? 

I can say these things are not important I can say Yea one day A guy will get on one knee and propose to me.. I couldn't get a ring without herpes I guess this complicates things huh.. 

Hey Obsolete, sweetheart I was newly married when I got my herpes. I thought saving myself for this man, best friend of 5 yrs, was the most important thing I could do. But as life would have it my happily ever after ended in divorce. Everything I'd wanted was gone, I thought I'd never get married again and I was told (before I got herpes) I'd never have children, it was a lie I'd settled on, more comfortable in my mind. I'm now remarried to a non h man we also have a beautiful daughter too. We just celebrated 26 yrs and I got everything i never thought I'd get after I got herpes. I too would have never thought I'd get all my dreams fulfilled after getting the virus, it just wasn't logical in my mindset. But once you get through the initial mindset and you start to heal , you can open your heart to allow your heart to accept another's love. I had my mind set on "never again" but God had other plans for me. Never give up hope and always love who you are. Once you accept you, other's will too :) !  Hugs Aces xo 

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 Ace is been married for millions of years ...and has a great sex life ...and is ok ...its all the head hunn it migth take you 1 month or 6 months but once you get passed the reality of life ...the faster you can be yourself ...just like me and ACE....In the long run think about the people that are very sick for example cancer or HIV that migth not make it passed this year ...count your blessings you got eyes to see ...a voice to speak ...and hands to grab on to stuff ...we aint as bad once you start opening your mine ...your not a bad person just because you got herpes ...i swear if you saw me in the street you would never think i had herpes and i can have converstations with people for hours ...but thats all my confidence ..am not willing to allow warts or rashes kick my ass ...because am live ..and young...

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@Obsolete

Its not over. I'm not going to sugar coat it, but its going to take time for you to come to terms with your diagnosis. I was devastated and cried for weeks. Stayed with a COMPLETE jerk (my giver) for 3 miserable months thinking no one else would want me. Take some time for yourself. Its important. See how your body reacts and you have an array of options to manage it. Most of the time, H sort of chills out as the body gets used to the virus. I am still single but have had my fair share of flings, short lived romances, and an almost engagement since my H diagnosis. It will all work out. 

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blue iis absolutely correct :D   It's what you make it and blue and myself and hundreds of members here choose to make it a damn good life! I choose what I'd have who'd be lucky enough to have me and its just that simple. I saw blue across the street the other day and I truly didn't recognize him with his herpes, of course I did recognise his his beautiful , confident attitude and his aura was shining like a bright light with rainbow reflection. Hugs Aces 

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Everyday is a emotional Rollercoaster

I'm up I'm Down I'm sideways 

When I think about the future with someone I see

No more Children

No Ring or Marriage

No Falling in Love 

No sex  

No intimacy

No Oral :(:( Such a Bummer 

I see a life of secrets because who do I dare tell my business too? 

I can say these things are not important I can say Yea one day A guy will get on one knee and propose to me.. I couldn't get a ring without herpes I guess this complicates things huh.. 

Hey I felt exactly the same way when I was diagnosed….. I was in my early 30's and single. Like you, I couldn't find a nice feller without herpes so I figured I had no chance.

I was SOOOOO wrong! Since then I have married an amazing man (who didn't bat an eyelid when I told him I had herpes) and we are have two beautiful kids…. and he still doesn't have the virus after 5 years together. 

For me, getting H was a huge wakeup call - it taught me to be much more selective on who I let into my life and how I behaved. I couldn't imagine the happy ending back in the early days with herpes but it definitely is possible.

Take some time to process what has happened, reach out for support (this site was a lifesaver to me) and try and think positive.  I realised that I was lucky to just have herpes - it wouldn't kill me, take away my right to have kids (I had two vaginal deliveries with zero complications to me or the kids), or impact my ability to live a normal, full life. The impact was all in my head and I absolutely wasn't going to give a virus the chance to ruin my life.

 

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  • 1 month later...

It is not over! Ive had a few partners since I first got herpes (always using condoms and never during an outbreak) never telling them because I knew they couldn't be trusted with my secret. But now I have been in a serious relationship with someone who does not have herpes for over a year (and we have a lot of sex including oral) and told him I had herpes about 4 months into knowing each other thinking he would run away! but instead he stayed and asked me every question he had and never treated me with disgust over my problem. we are in our early 20s so i thought it would be hard to find someone this age who would be understanding and I am so grateful he was okay with it knowing the risk! hang in there because I know what it feels like to feel like you can no longer live a normal life and when you find the right person just make sure you are honest with him because sometimes it can be hard to tell someone but I always was afraid I would spread it to him and was paranoid all the time when he didn't know  and now I am the happiest girl ever living a normal life and you will be too! Best of luck! :)

Edited by MustangGirlx3
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  • 4 weeks later...
On 27 September 2015 at 1:29:43 PM, Obsolete said:

Everyday is a emotional Rollercoaster

I'm up I'm Down I'm sideways 

When I think about the future with someone I see

No more Children

No Ring or Marriage

No Falling in Love 

No sex  

No intimacy

No Oral :(:( Such a Bummer 

I see a life of secrets because who do I dare tell my business too? 

I can say these things are not important I can say Yea one day A guy will get on one knee and propose to me.. I couldn't get a ring without herpes I guess this complicates things huh.. 

I can ensure you won't miss allot that. You will find someone who love you as who you are, marry and have children. You will have lots of sex and intimacy and of course oral will be one of them.

I caught herpes after I have 3 kids so no experience but Aceheart ( our super moderator) she got married, has kid and her husband and daughter are H free.  I had lots of sex after got infected and my ex boyfriend did not get infected. Well lots of oral too and all good. Herpes is a skin condition. We are the boss to keep it in control. You won't let herpes define or control you. 

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    • WilsoInAus
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