How to move on

[Joperty]

I love someone. So much that I'm finding myself pushing him away because I feel like that's the only way to keep him "safe". I feel like causing the person I love this kind of mental anguish is not an option. I get its not that bigger deal physically but mentally it has destroyed any self confidence I ever had, I don't wanna do that to anyone else. And we could be together forever. And then it doesn't matter. But what if he gets it and it doesn't work? He doesn't think negatively like me. He wants to just be careful and not throw away a potential life of happiness together. How do you move on from this? How can I stop feeling like I'm going to ruin someone's life if I pass this? (I also realise transmission rates are really low but I got it from someone who never had symptoms after only sleeping with once or twice so they don't fill me with hope) 

[SheIsBlue]

I agree with your bf on this one, Joperty.  This relationship is obviously something special and you shouldn't allow this virus to get in the way.  Be careful like he says and know your body's symptoms.  Don't over-think this and drive yourself crazy with the "what ifs".  I say put your fears aside and enjoy your relationship. 

[moonrae]

I absolutely agree with your bf and SheIsBlue. You obviously mean a lot to him- more than anxieties over herpes. If he values your relationship over herpes fears, I think you should too. Does he think his life will be ruined if he ends up getting H? Probably not. But missing out on the opportunity to be with a potential lifelong partner would be devastating. 

It's probably silly to think this way, but I try to tell myself this...if you end up with this person for the rest of your life, your relationship will outlive the worst herpes can dish out, as the virus seems to calm down in most people after five years. There are also promising vaccines that will hopefully be out within the next five years that will likely reduce symptoms and might even prevent transmission. 

But if the relationship doesn't last, it shouldn't be because of a virus he could easily catch from someone else who doesn't know their HSV status, which is most people out there. 

Edited October 15, 2015 by moonrae

[Joperty]

Thankyou both so much! You've made me feel allot more positive. I'm going to see him on Sunday so hopefully will sort ourselves (myself) out. I just wanna always make him happy! 

 

Thanks again!

[moonrae]

Yay! I'm glad you're thinking more positively.  

[CanBro]

You can only do so much. You have to leave the rest up to fate. If you both know the risk and rewards and feel the reward outweighs the risk - then go for the reward and accept that you've taken the risk. Everyone does this on a daily basis with so many things in life. 

He's decided you're more important to him than some small risk of getting something that really isn't all that big of a deal. You worrying, being anxious about it will probably more detrimental than the thing itself .