One night stands (with condoms)? Need to tell?

[Pseudonymph]

Hi, just before I start I know that one night stands can be controversial/some people disagree with them, but for this post I'd appreciate it if people could just run with it for now to give me their advice/opinion on disclosing.

I had a one night stand last night. We had safe sex with condoms, there was no unprotected contact between his genitals and mine. I have HSV-1 genital herpes which I've been told has a really low recurrence rate and my first (and hopefully last) outbreak was 2 months ago in August.

I didn't disclose to this guy. Was that the wrong thing to do even though I made sure all the safety precautions were in place?

[JBnATL]

I believe you will find many people on this website will tell you that it was wrong not to disclose.  A lot of people here wished they had been informed prior to getting this virus and feel it is only right to let others make the decision to have sex even if the risk is very minimal.  

You are correct, using condoms and having ghsv1 make the risk really small, but the fact that you had your initial outbreak 2 months ago means you are still new to this virus and are at the most contagious point.  Hopefully your immune system has kicked into gear and helped prevent transmission, but for many people that doesn't happen until around the 4 month mark.

So here is one vote that says you were wrong not to disclose.

JB

[VVK]

Just to put JB's statement about you being at the most contagious point into perspective: shedding events with genital HSV1 are very limited and, as with either type of HSV, transmission through shedding is a highly unlikely event to begin with. As long as you weren't having an outbreak, there likely wasn't any harm done. However, being cognizant of your situation, you still took away your partner's ability to choose. That's what it comes down to and that's the part that was wrong. However, when weighing it against all the possible wrongs that a person can do in this world, the wrong that you did barely registers as a *pip* in a noisy room. Further, take into consideration all that you don't know from your encounter. Did you two have a conversation where he told you his HSV status? Did he tell you about all the other potential STIs that he may be a carrier of? Probably not.. But that's just the reality of engaging in a lifestyle which includes one night stands. Disclosure usually doesn't happen.

[november13]

I also have gHSV1. The risk is really low (especially with a condom and since you're a female) and people don't disclose oHSV1, so I don't think it should be a big deal. That said, you have to do what YOU think is right. 

[Pseudonymph]

You've all got valid points, I probably should have told him (not that he'd have even remembered the next day, he was quite heavily drunk...).

Yeah, if I was on the other end of the stick I'd always want to know. I guess I was wrong, but all I can do is hope that the guy left mine healthy.

Thanks all x

[Taila]

You've all got valid points, I probably should have told him (not that he'd have even remembered the next day, he was quite heavily drunk...).

Yeah, if I was on the other end of the stick I'd always want to know. I guess I was wrong, but all I can do is hope that the guy left mine healthy.

Thanks all x

I'm not sure how old you are and I hope I don't come off wrong here but as nice as one night stands might be, take it from me, it isn't worth it. I left my one night stands to the teen days. Trying to obtain something meaningful would put you in a better place. If you told someone and they were okay with it well one night stand away with them but in this day and age, one night stands are dangerous, especially for us (feel like we are X-men here..lol..sorry) because herpes messes with our immune system and we have to fight double time to keep our immune system up and running. In other words herpes makes us susceptible to other sti's and d's. 

[Pseudonymph]

On 11/1/2015, 12:50:54, Taila said:

I'm not sure how old you are and I hope I don't come off wrong here but as nice as one night stands might be, take it from me, it isn't worth it. I left my one night stands to the teen days. Trying to obtain something meaningful would put you in a better place. If you told someone and they were okay with it well one night stand away with them but in this day and age, one night stands are dangerous, especially for us (feel like we are X-men here..lol..sorry) because herpes messes with our immune system and we have to fight double time to keep our immune system up and running. In other words herpes makes us susceptible to other sti's and d's. 

I hear what you're saying, I thought I'd done all my research (HSV1 genitally, low recurrence rate.. etc) but it's come back in the last few days as Outbreak Number 2.

One night stands, herpes aside, are something I'm learning to avoid. I'm 21, and have a few emotional issues which tend to make me gravitate towards those kinds of interactions. It's something I'll learn to deal with in due course, but I know that they're not ideal in any circumstance.