Robbed of my strength 31M

[Ihaditall]

I need someone to talk to. This virus has consumed all of my thoughts. On the outside I am fine and happy and still laugh loud, but I have been crying myself to sleep every night. My friends are getting married and having children, or just plain dating, and I am damaged goods from one stupid drunk mistake. I am consumed by the fear of being alone forever. For the past 3 months I have been in constant pain, even on anti-virals. I want to feel normal again and don't think I ever will. I've dealt with death of friends and family, but this is breaking me. I used to feel so strong and that I could get through anything, but I cannot get back on my feet. My pride and sexuality have been destroyed. Reading about statistics and everything isn't helping and I just feel more and more alone in my small town. Like, I am a statistic now. I am the 1/5 now, and those other 4 are gone from the table and aren't options to me anymore. I used to feel like I could get any girl I wanted, but now I can't even flirt with my old flings out of fear it will turn overly sexual and I will have to deny them, or worse tell them my condition and have it spread through this small town. I am scared to talk to women now. It's so horrible. I haven't even told my childhood friends. It just really sucks because I know that my life just got that much harder. A lot harder and lonelier. 

[JBnATL]

You have come to the right place.  The more you know about what you have the better  you should feel.

I have had genital herpes for 26 years and it has never stopped me from doing anything or anyone I wanted.  I have given the 'talk' about a dozen times and have NEVER been rejected.  I have been coming to this website daily for over 6 years and have chatted with thousands of Herpsters over those years and many people have told me that getting genital herpes changed their lives for the better.

90% of all adults have herpes in one form or another so what you have really isn't a big deal.  I hope you can see that soon!

Good luck!

JB

[tom343]

Hey ihaditall, I'm in the same situation as you, I caught genital herpes about a year ago and it totally screwed me physically and mentally. I was 31 too at the time. I caught it off my ex gf who obviously told me lies that she was clean and manipulated me into not using condoms. Anyway I quit my job as I couldn't deal with the whole situation, moved back in with my parents and I contemplated suicide at one stage, sometimes I still do but what keeps me going is that firstly after around 7-8 months by taking grapefruit juice almost daily my constant outbreaks got alot better and also the ppl who are working on vaccines for us. Be strong mate, we just have to be strong for the time being. Herpes affects everyone differently due to body composition and mine was terrible, I basically had a 6 month outbreak of this shit. Anyway have a look at the vaccine section and have hope that you will be able to live herpes free soon or find someone with herpes through various herpes dating sites. You are not alone in your suffering. 

Edited October 27, 2015 by tom343

[Sillybrain2]

Let's hear it for the 31 year olds! It's funny how my 30s started off so freaking well and then this hit! 

It is a very emotional time but we will get through it. This virus doesn't care who it infects but we are bigger, better and sexier than it!

just know you have us all for support and know you're not alone, we are all dealing with this along with you. Vent any time you need to as everything you are feeling, we have no doubt felt it too!

and just to add, like Tom said, keep an eye out on the research section of the forum, not only does it contain interesting reads but it is positive to see the research that is being done to combat this virus. It is a little ray of sunshine for us, i think anyway. It is also a great place to ask questions and have informed people answer them or decipher any scientific jargon! 

 

Edited October 27, 2015 by Sillybrain2

[Ihaditall]

I appreciate the support, but even knowing other people suffer from this, I am still alone. I'm sorry for being so gloom and doom but this is the only place I can talk about how I feel. I don't have any people I can talk with IRL. I can't tell anyone, I don't have a shoulder to cry on or anyone to give me a hug. I am completely physically alone. I look at Positive Singles, and there aren't even a million users. That's the pool I have now? I had every ocean in the world and now I have some shitty kiddy pool with old leaves in it. And you have to pay, which of course, why wouldn't you have to pay to get into the leafy kiddy pool of despair.  I've been in pretty constant pain for 3 months, it just never stops. Its unbearable. There is absolutely no way I would ever date anyone who doesn't have this. I would never let them do this to themselves. I've had coldsores since I was 21, and that sucked a little bit and wasn't that bad, and I didn't have one for about 7 years. But this is soul crushing. The first and favorite toy has been taken from me and broken. "Oh, your having a bad day, go rub one out, you'll feel better." NOPE! Not anymore! I feel so defeated. I've been through so much in my life but this feels like I will never get over it, and that is exactly what I read on this forum. Its fucking terrifying. The medical community should do a lot more to help people with this, like support groups or pamphlets or tell people to immediately sign up for positive singles. Being a leper wouldn't be so bad if I was surrounded by other lepers, or knew where to find them to be around them. I think being alone is the biggest natural fear of being a human, and this virus is making that fear very real for me. I know I will be alright, eventually, someday. I have so much hardship ahead of me now, more than before, but it will never stop. I have to build myself a new secret support group. I feel like Sisyphus.

Thank you all very much for listening and talking to me. The vaccine stuff is hopeful, but I'm not going to hold my breath. It won't be available for years, even if it is successful and gets past Phase 3.

[tom343]

You sound a lot like me. I had an initial outbreak for 6 months. It was hell. Your body composition like mine must be stuffed. As I said try taking grapefruit juice everyday, it may help. This disease is fucked, my body basically shutdown because of this shit. It's far more than some minor thing, I agree with you. But the vaccines are coming and some people who have already taken vaccines such as Gen-003 in trials feel like they have been cured when they've been like us before, in constant pain and suffering. Yes, it's not good to get this but the likes of the genocea vaccine are meant to be released in 2019. That's effectively only 3 years away, you will be 34, I will be 35. We can still find someone to love and do what we want. 

[tom343]

I live in Australia mate, I got 5 real ppl to choose from on positive singles. At least you got a million. 

[VVK]

If you're in constant pain, then that's something to focus on. Herpes does not typically lead to constant pain for three months and the fact that you're on anti-virals further suggests that herpes is not the cause. Instead, there are other aspects to your health that usually contribute to what you are experiencing. You have made two posts on these forums. I'd suggest you make another topic and describe your situation, signs, and symptoms in more detail.

Millions and millions of people are just fine living with herpes - genital and oral - and don't even know that they have it because the symptoms either don't exist or are so mild that they are mistaken for something else. That's how the virus passes most of the time, through people who are not aware that they are infected and who then inadvertently expose their partners during an infectious phase. I realize that you're in a dark place mentally right now and you're effectively seeing only what perpetuates your current feelings. In reality, it's common to have normal relationships - listen to what JB is saying in the second post in this topic.

[tom343]

With all due respect VVK, herpes affects different people, differently. There is no stock standard body response and despite various people on here claiming that herpes is nothing for most people for some people it completely wrecks the functioning of their bodies. I went through this myself and lets face it antivirals are effectively a joke. Alot of ppl get zero benefit from them. 

Edited October 27, 2015 by tom343

[VVK]

tom, I consider things from a statistical point of view. While there will be some people that will have an unusual response to herpes, those are far and few in-between statistically. They are also the interesting cases, since it becomes a question of whether the issue is herpes or whether there is an underlying reason that exacerbates what herpes can do to them. There actually is a stock standard body response, which is what the average person goes through. I don't mean to downplay your experience, but you are a minority in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't make your experience any less real or less valid, but it is what it is: atypical.

I don't agree with your view on antivirals. They're not a joke. If you're going to state that a lot of people get zero benefit from them, would you like to maybe also quantify that as a percentage of all people who use them?

[tom343]

As you said atypical doesn't mean it doesn't exist. How many ppl have those type of reactions to hsv? Well I believe a fair few, hey some ppl die from it. 

Anyway as for antivirals, I'd say for 95% of people current antivirals are a waste of time. They don't do jack in the relieving of symptoms, infact what most ppl deem antiviral effectiveness imo is merely their immune system adjusting after the initial period of virus incubation. They may have some benefit in viral shedding but other than that all they seem to do is lead to possible other issues for these individuals later on in life. i.e. antivirals are a joke. Plus its even been shown there are strains of hsv completely resistant to current antivirals. 

 

 

 

Edited October 27, 2015 by tom343

[Ihaditall]

What I don't understand is that anti-virals do help with my cold sores. As in it kicks their ass. I feel the deep tingle on my chin, and if I press on it, I can feel the nerve "ping" to my lips, and slightly creep up my face and neck. I'll take an extra dose of anti-virals that night, and it will be gone in the next day or 3. I take 500 mg of the anti-virals every morning.

But this pain on the left side of my shaft and on my glans does not stop, ever. The pain starts there and travels down my left leg to the arch of my foot and sometimes to the big toe. It feels like I've fallen on my ass sometimes, and I get random pings and itches on my buttocks. Felt like I had a hemorrhoid a few times. The other symptoms come and go slightly, but the glans pain is constant.

[VVK]

Have you seen a doctor about the pain? There may be an unrelated underlying condition that could be treatable.

[Ihaditall]

Yes. I've been to 3 urologists and my primary doctor (multiple times). They have not offered any other diagnosis.

 

[VVK]

Okay, so how about a bit more background then? When did the pain start? Was it gradual onset or sudden? Did the pain change over time or has it always been the same? Are there times during the day that it is more intense or less intense? If so, what are you doing during those times?

[WilsoInAus]

I have to agree and support VVK, there is a lot going on here with enormous potential for misinterpretation and fueling myths about herpes.

We would love to help Ihaditall, we collectively have much more experience and knowledge of herpes than quite a few medical providers!

As VVK says in order to help you we need more to the story. What herpes types do you have? Where? How was it diagnosed? Where is the pain? What is the pain, how does it manifest itself?

[Sillybrain2]

Everything you have stated resonates with me but with time you will slowly (being honest here when I say slowly) realise, you're not damaged goods, you're the same person you were before this and people still love and care about you. As time goes on, being a stat doesn't seem to be as scary (yea it is shitty) but after educating yourself, the majority of people you see in the streets have this virus in some form or another. 

I still feel down and really pissed off about this predicament but I can see small positive changes in how I am feeling and I am reacting differently now compared to when I first found out. I don't think you will feel like this forever.

VVK is great to get updates from in regards to research, he (I am hoping you're male VVK, sorry if you're not and I referred to you as one) is a wealth of knowledge in that area and I have found that has helped me a lot with questions I have in regards to medical advances they are making towards combating this virus. Keeps me hopeful something successful will be discovered soon. 

Use the people here as they are such a great support network and you can vent as much as you like and no one will judge. We have all been in your shoes so we empathise! 

My theory is, this virus is an asshole and infects the gooduns as it wants to be more like us, that and we have the sexiest genitals going round! What wouldn't want to be a part of us? Sorry, just trying to lighten your mood :)