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Acceptance

Free73

By Free73
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Free73 Acknowledged Support Member

Free73

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Hi all,

Thank you to those responsible for this website and to the fellow H+ who post here. I was diagnosed last week with HSV2 and i'm not too proud to say it was totally devastated, a surreal experience and with it came all of the emotions and feelings that many of you have or are experiencing. I am trying quickly to move through the denial phase and to reach acceptance as I know that healing will only be possible once I have reached acceptance. The only disclosure i have made is to my parents and they have been incredibly supportive over the last week and are helping me reach acceptance by downplaying the 'significance' of Herpes. As a an independent male who has lived out of home for a very long time, I didn't appreciate just how comforting it was to speak to my parents about what i'm going through. I am lucky that I have always had a loving and supportive relationship with my parents, so the unconditional love that they have shown is helping to heal my heart.

I am doing my best not to fight this or to resist the emotions that hit me. Doing so will just lead to a much longer timeframe to reach acceptance. Cry, scream, yell, punch a wall...... do whatever it takes, but we need to remind ourselves that we can only heal once we accept that we have this and we need to do our best to accept it and live our lives. I do have a fear of what the future will hold, but that's understandable right now, everything is still quite raw and emotion is driving that. We are all sexual beings and so much of our modern culture is wrapped up in romance/intimacy so it's hard not to buy into the notion that someone has locked our genitals and thrown away the key......the perception is that we have lost our sexual and personal freedom. But we are so much more than an orgasm and we are now forced to accept that and nourish those other parts of our body and soul. Easy to say, hard to do!!

The other thing to note is that as human beings we all have insecurities, even the most confident of us. Being diagnosed with herpes and the emotions and feelings that it draws out of us is really showing us in a lot of ways where our insecurities and underlying shame lies. We all have it, many of us would like to believe that our lives were perfect prior to being given the diagnosis (perhaps some were), but the way we treat ourselves and the things we tell ourselves post diagnosis will tell us a lot about the fears, shame, guilt that we have been living with irrespective of Herpes or not.

It's a f***** feeling, I know, but if we can reach acceptance, then the best we can do is to use this as an opportunity to grow in the face of this sh*tty virus

 

  • Sillybrain2, SheIsBlue, Motherwhope and 1 other
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Sillybrain2 Honeycomb Member

Sillybrain2

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You have put in to words everything I have felt, am feeling and will feel. Thank you for such an eloquently written piece and you definitely have a better attitude about this than I have. Just know you're not alone in such a poo (not so eloquent haha) journey, we are here for you :)

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Free73 Acknowledged Support Member

Free73

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Hi Wilso,

A couple of weeks ago I noticed what appeared to be a large mosquito bite (about the size of a ladies watch face) developing in the middle of my right butt cheek. It was a very mild itch.......actually very little itch at all and certainly no pain or discomfort. Over the next day or so, I noticed a couple of small heads like pimples develop towards the outer edge of the 'bite'. I went to my GP and he had a look at it. He asked me if I had chicken pox as a child and I replied I had. He said that he thought it might be shingles. He pricked one of the pimple heads and took a culture swab. A couple of days later the results came back and he told me the culture was positive for HSV2 (Genital Herpes). I had a follow up medical two days ago in which he took blood and urine to test for other STD's and also IgG tests for Herpes.

I had a general STD check up back on June 30 but I didn't realise that they didn't include blood test for herpes when having a general STD checkup. The tests came back clear for everything they tested for.

I'm 42 and don't recall ever having any major noticeable symptoms to cause me any concern, other than occasional problems with jock itch and cold/flu symptoms which I have always assumed was cold/flu. I certainly don't recall having a breakout which directly affected my genitals soon after having sex with a partner that would have sparked my concern. I did notice a few weeks ago a small rash develop on my inner thigh about 4-5 inches below my groin. At the time I thought it was jock itch again, so I applied Lamisil cream and just let it heal. But again, no serious pain or discomfort, more of a mild itch and perhaps a mild burning sensation. In hindsight, I'm pretty sure it was a herpes outbreak, but i'm just making that assumption with the benefit of hindsight.

 

 

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    • WilsoInAus
      HSV 2 Testing

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      I really suggest that the best thing is for both you and your boyfriend to obtain the Westernblot HSV test. He has a 50%+ chance of being positive and you have a 50%+ chance of being negative. Only the Westernblot can sort this out for you.
    • WilsoInAus
      worried

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hi @kpn the first thing to note is that it is all OK to have HSV-1 or indeed any HSV type. It is not negligence, it is just being human. Oral HSV-1 is not an STD in the sense that the primary transmission is non sexual and the majority of it occurs between parents to children. If any of your children contracted HSV, you would know it. It wouldn't be a silent infection for children. HSV-2 tends not to shed from the oral region for people who have it there in any event. At age 73, about 80% of the population has HSV-1. There is no reason to believe that your mother isn't one of those people. About half of all carriers of oral HSV-1 do not realise they have it and have no living memory of cold sores as they were infected when very young. The most logical explanation is that your mother has oral HSV-1 from her childhood and that your daughter doesn't have oral HSV. Not that it is relevant to anyone but yourself, but your wife might find she actually has genital HSV-1 having had an untyped swab when she was diagnosed.
    • WilsoInAus
      Anyone with oral blisters but negative igm/igg tests ?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hi @Dylan86 and welcome to the website. First note that you cannot pragmatically become infected with HSV-1 from sharing a drink. If you carry HSV-1, it did not come from that episode. As such it is extremely unlikely HSV-1 is the primary cause of your issues. Can the WB miss a HSV-1 infection? Rarely but its feasible in less than 1% of carriers who test with WB. Note that the WB does not have values, it has positive or negative as you say. It is way more accurate than IgG as it looks for all 30+ antibodies that are in your blood for HSV. Could you have HSV-1? Yes it is feasible, but it would be a very old childhood infection. Could HSV-1 be causing your oral issues? No herpes will not cause the burning mouth syndrome you describe. Could some of the lesions be herpes related? It is feasible if you are a carrier. But it is unlikely to be the primary cause of the issues, but its an opportunistic virus that can cause issues when something else is taxing your immune system. The best thing you can do is the PCR test on a oral lesion and that will be pretty definitive. Either way, in summary. I'd suggest there is <1% chance you are part of about 70% of the population that has HSV-1. Further there is less than a 1% chance that herpes is the primary cause of your issues.   
    • kpn
      worried

      By kpn · Posted

      My wife has had hsv 2 for around 8 years. We have two young children 3 years old and 18 months old. My wife only had one outbreak when she was first infected so we didn't worry too much about passing it on to our children. I understand the risk to be pretty low under those circumstances. I don't believe my wife took antivirals during either pregnancy. My younger child has diaper rashes pretty often and has had what I thought was hand foot and mouth disease. That was going around the daycare a while back. I haven't really given it much concern though.  About a week ago, my mother kissed my youngest on the lips. My kid was congested at the time but they pretty much always are. About 3 days later, my mother developed a cold sore on her mouth. She has never had cold sores in her life and she is 73 and happily married so she is not going around messing with anyone. She pointed to the fact she had kissed my youngest and presumed that is where she was infected. At first I said that's not possible since my child has never had any cold sores but since then I have really started to consider that maybe it is possible she contracted it from my daughter. This has me worried that my daughter does indeed have hsv2 and was shedding in her mouth. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am really losing sleep about this. Two people I care so much about got hsv from my negligence. I am fine if I were to contract it, I am not worried about what others think at this point in my life. I just don't want anyone else to have it. 
    • CHT
      Could this be genital HSV or something else?

      By CHT · Posted

      Hello DavidGua.... based on the two pictures, I'm not seeing anything that resembles a typical herpes outbreak.  I am not sure what those spots are on your penis.  Please have a doctor take a look and I'm sure you'll get a proper diagnosis.  Have you ever received an HSV antibody test (IgG)?  Again, I doubt your symptoms are herpes-related but, if you'd like some peace of mind, you could request the IgG antibody test for HSV2.   Best of luck.... let us know if you have any other questions/concerns.
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