Oral vs. Genital hsv1.

[Lovelylady1996]

I know this is an age old question but why do people with cold sores not feel the need to disclose but people with the same strain on a different location have to? People do not guilt those with cold sores into disclosure but as soon as someone with genital hsv1 suggest the possibility of non disclosure, they are a coward and an awful person. 

Excuse me but oral hsv1 is WAY more contagious than genital and is is mainly responsible for giving people the stigmatized version of the same strain. 

Why is this? Literally the only reason I feel like I have to disclose is because people on these websites (which are supposed to be helpful) severely guilt trip me into doing so. I don't feel morally obligated to and don't feel like it's bad if I don't. 

People argue "well don't you wish you could've had a choice before hand", well duh, but that doesn't really mean I will or won't get it. I'm sorry but if I sleep with someone and disclosure doesn't happen, I won't feel bad. 

 

Stigma is is what makes people with genital hsv1 disclose, not the actual hsv. 

Edited November 1, 2015 by Lovelylady1996

[WilsoInAus]

I agree with you 100%. My own posts have been entirely consistent with this. I think you will find opinion pretty equally divided on this website.

Then there is the practical world reality. That reality is that probably 95% of people do not disclose an oral or genital HSV-1 infection. Some have their reasons, others do not know or do not care.

I guess the final point is that other people have opinions, that's all. Only you can determine what you feel you wish to do morally. Use opinions to inform your own and live life to your opinion whatever it happens to be.

[blistering love]

Either people arent aware that it is herpes, as everyone just brushes off colds sores as though they were pimples. Even medical staff.Sadly, people arent educated,its not considered a health emergency,or like WilsoninAus pointed out " people do not know or do not care'.

[Lovelylady1996]

It makes me feel better that other people share my opinion. Honestly though, I'm choosing not to disclose, even in a long term relationship. From experience of disclosing to close friends and family, 99.9% of the population is EXTREMELY ignorant in regards to herpes. My dad treated it like hiv and said I put the entire family at risk as he immediately started washing the all the sheets and sanatizing the toilets (wish I was exaggerating). He decided it was best that me and him don't talk anymore and I shouldn't come see him and the rest of the family. One of my closest friends literally told me "oh I get cold sores but they're not contagious". OH MY GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I continued to inform her and she also thought type 1 turned into type 2 because it's on the genitals and she ended the coversation with "you definitely need to disclose because you don't want to completely ruin someone's life like yours is now". My ex who I was really close with and trust(Ed) who also has hsv1 told me I'm constantly contagious and deserved what I got because I've slept with more than 3 people. I've faced other ignorance but these topped the list. I'm just over it everyone. 

[WilsoInAus]

I am so sorry you have so many close minded people in your life; it is very sad. Unfortunately if this a reaction to herpes, I'd hate to think what their thinking is around something more serious to you.

[Lovelylady1996]

Yeah, I pretty much just stay mad about it. 

[WilsoInAus]

Try not to, a wasted emotion all up.

[Lovelylady1996]

On November 1, 2015 at 7:51:24 PM, WilsoInAus said:

I agree with you 100%. My own posts have been entirely consistent with this. I think you will find opinion pretty equally divided on this website.

Then there is the practical world reality. That reality is that probably 95% of people do not disclose an oral or genital HSV-1 infection. Some have their reasons, others do not know or do not care.

I guess the final point is that other people have opinions, that's all. Only you can determine what you feel you wish to do morally. Use opinions to inform your own and live life to your opinion whatever it happens to be.

Do you really think that the majority of people don't disclose ghsv1?

[Aimless.artist]

Wow people are real idiots. 

I was just diagnosed with GHSV1, but it happens that about a year ago I got into reading about herpes and how many people have type 1 without symptoms and that type 2 just isn't a big deal. I guess I mentioned this to one of my good friends back while I was still "clean" and not self conscious about talking about herpes. 

Well I guess I enlightened her about the whole thing and she's brought up several times in conversation how I changed her whole perspective on it. One of the times she said this was actually during my second outbreak (and before diagnosis), when anxiety was eating a hole in my stomach and I could barely sleep or eat. It was so nice to hear that from someone while I was dealing with an OB.

I think I'll tell her about it soon, I didn't even know how common GHSV1 is and that its less contagious than oral HSV1. Had I known I think I'd have lost a lot less sleep during my first outbreaks before I had a culture test. People in general just need to know more about this. 

I'm planning on disclosing in the start of relationships mainly because as of now my outbreaks aren't infrequent (3 in the past four months) and I'll be starting suppressive therapy. I mainly don't want someone I'm dating to find out about my antivirals and assume that I'm lying to them about type 2, and I'd like to tell the truth/be able to talk about my outbreaks when I have them. Lying to my roommates, telling them I'm in bed most of the day because of a migraine or a cold is getting tiresome. It'd be nice if I could just say "its the herp, I'll be better in a few days". And I don't want to date anyone who's so ignorant about sex that they wouldn't understand. (Those types of people are usually really boring in bed.)

Maybe if I stop having outbreaks so often I won't disclose before casual sex. And if they stop all together I can see not disclosing at all. There's no difference between that and someone who's had cold sores in the past but not recently not disclosing. 

[Aimless.artist]

39 minutes ago, Lovelylady1996 said:

Do you really think that the majority of people don't disclose ghsv1?

Given that doctors have told me I don't have to and how self conscious people are about this, yeah, I'm guessing many many do not. Which is probably why I'd never heard of it until I was diagnosed. Most people do not know that passing cold sores to genitals is possible - if everyone was disclosing I think we'd all be well versed on it by now.

I don't think disclosure is necessary but it will certainly help brake down the stigma.

[Lovelylady1996]

Thanks for the replies everyone! It's really encouraging to see that other people don't think non disclosing every time is such a bad thing. It really is no different than those who don't disclose their cold sores when they're the main cause for what we have in the first place. I can see both points though. I'm currently not with anyone and haven't faced the decision of disclosing yet. 

[blistering love]

maybe its not such a bad thing those tossers are out of you life! jesus christ! they should  be ashamed!

 

[Cinderellathefake]

Totally agree w/ you! I choose not to disclose for the fact that i believe i can fight off the virus ive built up my immune system & i feel that I CAN CONTROL this w/ antivirals & other natural remedies. nobody else should know b/c people are a bunch of judgemental assholes. Most of the time i totally forget i have this 

[Lovelylady1996]

4 hours ago, Cinderellathefake said:

Totally agree w/ you! I choose not to disclose for the fact that i believe i can fight off the virus ive built up my immune system & i feel that I CAN CONTROL this w/ antivirals & other natural remedies. nobody else should know b/c people are a bunch of judgemental assholes. Most of the time i totally forget i have this 

You haven't passed it to anyone? And do you wear comdoms?

[Cinderellathefake]

Noo. & noo

[ST]

, I told the guy I'm dating as soon as I got my diagnosis (I met him two weeks before finding out) and gave him his exit slip. We've had some rough days of questions and fears but he hasn't left me. I felt it was best to disclose, whether he hated me or not. After him I told two other people and my doctor (I got tested somewhere else). I'm not telling my family, ever. I am going to make this relationship work because my guy is willing but I don't think I want another relationship after this unless the guy has hsv 1 also.

[angela1212]

I contracted H because somebody was unfaithful/did not disclose in a long term relationship.  I have only had 1 outbreak to my knowledge...I would still think it necessary to disclose (have done for the first time recently and been rejected ), particularly in a long term relationship, what if they contracted it from you? I agree condoms/anti viral reduce the risk, but surely you would have wanted to make an informed decision if given the choice? (potentially you may not want to use condoms forever long term?)

[SureWhyNot]

Ignorance is Not Bliss!!!!! Just My Opinion!

Yes we have Free Will so we can make our own choices. Does that give us the right to make choices for others?

How can you be quilted into doing the right thing, is it not our moral obligation to treat other earthlings with respect???? "Treat others as you wish to be treated" has a whole new connotation.

Easy enough to walk away from someone after you have given them a life altering virus because it had little effect on you. That's their problem their body reacts different than yours did!

Perhaps they did not know what you know about yourself. Perhaps they trust and believe in you! Good reason not to commit to anyone special, too much responsibility on you.

Nice approach to life!!!!  Oh well, other people, their lives and how I impact them are not my problem, I am living my life My Way! Too bad if they feel the need to commit suicide because they can't deal with a simple virus. They must be weak so they don't matter! I have it so others may as well, not my problem! MeMeMe!

We create the stigma when We don't talk about what We have! Education is the antithesis of stigma!

The more I read about peoples attitudes to this virus the more I understand why it is running rampant! I choose to be able to face my mirror with a clear conscience. I make my choices and let others make theirs.

Sorry if my belief makes anyone feel guilty. I have no guilt around this, only education! 

[ST]

a friend of mine was recently infected with another virus (HIV) and her partner ( her new husband) basically said "I didn't tell you because I was afraid you would leave me..." Just took her ability to choose.

[SureWhyNot]

That is such a despicable case of selfish betrayal to a so called loved one! I feel HSV does not fall too far behind, though I certainly do not categorize them the same, just the life altering affects.

That is all we can ask in this life "Our Right to Free Will" and nobody should be able to take that from us but it happens everywhere and to some in the most horrible ways.  

Is it really acceptable to chance irreparably altering an others life for your own selfish reasons, whatever they are? Mirror Mirror on the Wall!!!!!

Wow, after 35yrs I am still too volatile about the disclosure question. I would have liked the choice, thank you!

[Sanguine108]

Treat others how you'd like to be treated.

[hashtag realtalk]

On 11/1/2015 at 9:37 PM, Lovelylady1996 said:

It makes me feel better that other people share my opinion. Honestly though, I'm choosing not to disclose, even in a long term relationship. From experience of disclosing to close friends and family, 99.9% of the population is EXTREMELY ignorant in regards to herpes. My dad treated it like hiv and said I put the entire family at risk as he immediately started washing the all the sheets and sanatizing the toilets (wish I was exaggerating). He decided it was best that me and him don't talk anymore and I shouldn't come see him and the rest of the family. One of my closest friends literally told me "oh I get cold sores but they're not contagious". OH MY GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I continued to inform her and she also thought type 1 turned into type 2 because it's on the genitals and she ended the coversation with "you definitely need to disclose because you don't want to completely ruin someone's life like yours is now". My ex who I was really close with and trust(Ed) who also has hsv1 told me I'm constantly contagious and deserved what I got because I've slept with more than 3 people. I've faced other ignorance but these topped the list. I'm just over it everyone. 

WOW HOW IGNORANT! This certainly weeds out the negative, closed minded, and YOU CAN FILL IN THE BLANK HERE people from your life! 

[hashtag realtalk]

I also would have liked the choice in my HSV. Too bad my guy at the time "didn't know" he had oral HSV (or did he? You can't trust anyone these days) and that choice was taken from me. I still would have continued being intimate with him regardless, because I cared about him and us, but def would have liked to know what I was getting myself in instead of being blindsided. 

[WilsoInAus]

Yes but what choice? Are you saying you would reject 70% of guys as unworthy? If you had oral HSV-1 would you consider that grounds for no relationship if a guy rejected you?

[hashtag realtalk]

I'm not sure if I understand that last sentence, Wilso..