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putting dating behind you


ST

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Just curious, are there any people here that have decided to forget about forming romantic relationships because of HSV? I'm not saying people should or shouldn't, just wondering if someone has made that decision and why.

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I have thought of that since my diagnosis, but for some reason, It has made me more focussed to hopefully meet someone special. I was already on a path of opening myself up to love and being more receptive to it prior to being diagnosed. And while this has been a kick in the teeth, I feel like the best way to deal with this is to continue to open myself up to the possibility of love. If it does or doesn't happen, then so be it.......but having HSV has certainly provided me with a reality check about my life and where i'm heading and I would like to meet someone to share my life with

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I have chosen to forget about forming romantic relationships with non-positives, preferring not to ever give the talk again. I am open to someone who is positive, and therefore we can empathize with each other, and never have to wonder what one will think about the other having H.  So you can say that I've halfway made that decision, because as SheIsBlue said, finding love is hard enough the older we are (get), and I've narrowed my playing field considerably through my decision. May as well have cut myself off and forgotten about romance, but I have faith too. I'm at peace with my decision, and as Free73 says,  If it does or doesn't happen, then so be it."

But if I was a lot younger, I doubt if I could be as flippant or as patient as I am now. I remember those days, lol, when sex and romance were everything. I made great effort and tolerated much to obtain and keep it. Back then I would have thought that subjecting myself to talk after talk to broaden my selection, hoping that someone would accept me, or if not accept me not out me, would have been worth it all. But now, thank God, I don't need any of it anymore. I would, however, like to have another chance at true romance, love and marriage, with a sweet but strong, positive man who is creative like me and who doesn't need a meat and potatoes meal every night. I don't ask for much.

~Something's wrong. :( Can't see all of the emojis to pick from them. Wonder if it's Honeycomb, or Firefox's 50,000th update?

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1 hour ago, Createss Galore said:

I have chosen to forget about forming romantic relationships with non-positives, preferring not to ever give the talk again. I am open to someone who is positive, and therefore we can empathize with each other, and never have to wonder what one will think about the other having H. 

Hi Createss,

Has it been that difficult to meet non-positives? Perhaps I am being naïve in thinking that I have a chance. I was only diagnosed recently, so haven't dated yet, but I didn't want to limit myself only to H positive people.

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  • 2 weeks later...

It gets better! Don't give up. I've given the talk many times and haven't been rejected. I've posted some of the stories in the disclosure forum if you're interested, and I'm here if anyone wants to talk.

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On 11/10/2015, 1:09:43, Free73 said:

Hi Createss,

Has it been that difficult to meet non-positives? Perhaps I am being naïve in thinking that I have a chance. I was only diagnosed recently, so haven't dated yet, but I didn't want to limit myself only to H positive people.

Not at all! Very easy to meet different types of people. I just made what is a quality decision for myself. My goal in sharing my philosophy is not to discourage someone from giving the talk. My goal is to support those who don't want to give the talk, and let them know that I feel the same way, and that there is a good option.

So, it's not that difficult to meet non-positives, and it's not that hard to give the talk. I just don't want to do it. Even more pertinent is that I don't want to live my H-life with a non-positive. So with that being one of the roots of the matter, why would I ever have to give the talk anyway?

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On 11/21/2015, 11:44:59, 312life said:

Don't think i could actualy give the disclosure talk. But i am new to the community.. so maybe with time that will change with time.

Feeling that you can never give the talk, and choosing not to as a way of life (as I have) are two different things. One day you may change your thoughts to "maybe I'll give it a try." It may work out great for you, or at least you may decide to continue to do it until you meet the right one. Anyway, whatever you decide, the important thing is to learn to love yourself more and to create a new, happy life for yourself. Good luck to you!!!:)

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6 minutes ago, Createss Galore said:

Not at all! Very easy to meet different types of people. I just made what is a quality decision for myself. My goal in sharing my philosophy is not to discourage someone from giving the talk. My goal is to support those who don't want to give the talk, and let them know that I feel the same way, and that there is a good option.

So, it's not that difficult to meet non-positives, and it's not that hard to give the talk. I just don't want to do it. Even more pertinent is that I don't want to live my H-life with a non-positive. So with that being one of the roots of the matter, why would I ever have to give the talk anyway?

Thanks for the eloquent explanation Createss :)

 

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3 minutes ago, Free73 said:

Thanks for the eloquent explanation Createss :)

 

BTW, don't ever think that you have to limit yourself. Go for it! The sky is the limit!!!

I don't see my choice as limiting myself, but rather as being true to who I am, and living authentically. It's all in how you see it, and there's nothing wrong with either viewpoint. Take care!

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I gave the talk right after I got my formal diagnosis just because I didn't want to put the guy at risk. We had just met. We are friends but he still calls like he's interested. He still flirts. He still says he likes me. We are both afraid so we are hesitant. But our phone conversations are awesome

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  • 8 months later...

Interesting Topic.

At 46 I don't really care for relationships anymore. I don't want a family or kids and I enjoy my freedom.

 I would however like to see what my options are in the H+ world but getting together seems to be more difficult than expected. I don't dare post a photo on a H+ website for fear someone else might see it nor do I want to go to a meet up in my area for fear of outing myself to non H+ people.

I am surprised to read about healthy significant others willing to continue a relationship with a + person. I certainly wouldn't do it if I had a choice.

 

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On 11/9/2015 at 3:21 PM, Free73 said:

I have thought of that since my diagnosis, but for some reason, It has made me more focussed to hopefully meet someone special. I was already on a path of opening myself up to love and being more receptive to it prior to being diagnosed. And while this has been a kick in the teeth, I feel like the best way to deal with this is to continue to open myself up to the possibility of love. If it does or doesn't happen, then so be it.......but having HSV has certainly provided me with a reality check about my life and where i'm heading and I would like to meet someone to share my life with

Nice!!  Love this!!  

 

1 hour ago, ThatGuy2 said:

Interesting Topic.

At 46 I don't really care for relationships anymore. I don't want a family or kids and I enjoy my freedom.

 I would however like to see what my options are in the H+ world but getting together seems to be more difficult than expected. I don't dare post a photo on a H+ website for fear someone else might see it nor do I want to go to a meet up in my area for fear of outing myself to non H+ people.

I am surprised to read about healthy significant others willing to continue a relationship with a + person. I certainly wouldn't do it if I had a choice.

 

Thatguy: Post a picture of a favorite hobby on H+ dating website.  I have a friend who used a playing card as a profile picture..  they don't check the validity of the picture.  And I think meetups are pretty safe...  kinda like A.A. for H+ people.  Unless you are a local celebrity or something. 

My partner (HSV negative) elected to stay with me five days ago after I received an official diagnosis. I would have done the same in his shoes without missing a beat.  Herpes is not a big deal, nor will it keep me from what I love or who I love.  Apparently there are a lot of people who don't have herpes who feel the same way.  And if this relationship doesn't work out, it won't be because of some small, slightly annoying virus, and I'll continue to date as normal.

My question is... would you date a HSV negative person given the opportunity? 

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18 minutes ago, boricacid said:

My question is... would you date a HSV negative person given the opportunity? 

 Maybe you meant H+ ?

 YES I would date someone who is negative as long as they didn't mind I was +

What do people think about one night stands being H+ ? Do people who are promiscuous deserve each other whatever the outcome is ? 

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5 minutes ago, ThatGuy2 said:

Maybe you meant H+ ?

 YES I would date someone who is negative as long as they didn't mind I was +

What do people think about one night stands being H+ ? Do people who are promiscuous deserve each other whatever the outcome is ? 

I was just wondering...  it seemed like you were looking for only H+ people.  That's why I asked if you would date a H- person.  There are plenty of H- people who look past someone being H+. 

I don't know how to answer your next question, haha!  I don't believe sex is shameful and I don't know if the word "promiscuous" really applies in 2016.  I firmly believe in safe sex, for the safety of all.  There are other STDs out there, more serious than herpes. 

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Absolutely not.  There is one thing that I have learnt in my year of having a diagnosis is that you don't assume that someone will reject you.  You don't know another person situation or their experience dating someone with HSV and you are just being unkind to yourself and not giving another person a chance.  I have met 4 guys and I knew 2 at the time and the 2 of the time couldn't deal with it and that hurt but since then I've only had positive reactions.

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^ I wonder what the stats are for guys being more forgiving of an H+ woman versus women being forgiving of an H+ guy.

 

 I see don't see many posts from guys saying " it worked out ".

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  • 2 weeks later...

Personally I have chosen to not date anyone since getting HSV2. It has been the only change in my life and I haven't regretted it at all! I can genuinely say for the first time in my life that I am happy on my own which is really empowering. Each to their own though :) From reading this forum it seems my experience is quite unique.

 

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Can't be alone forever and be happy. We're meant to pair up, it's in our DNA. I've always been independent and not felt a burning need to be with someone all the time but since getting this retched disease and having that option taken away from me, I feel desperately lonely and sad. All the joy has been sucked out of life for me.

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On 6 August 2016 at 1:42 PM, boricacid said:

Nice!!  Love this!!  

 

Thatguy: Post a picture of a favorite hobby on H+ dating website.  I have a friend who used a playing card as a profile picture..  they don't check the validity of the picture.  And I think meetups are pretty safe...  kinda like A.A. for H+ people.  Unless you are a local celebrity or something. 

My partner (HSV negative) elected to stay with me five days ago after I received an official diagnosis. I would have done the same in his shoes without missing a beat.  Herpes is not a big deal, nor will it keep me from what I love or who I love.  Apparently there are a lot of people who don't have herpes who feel the same way.  And if this relationship doesn't work out, it won't be because of some small, slightly annoying virus, and I'll continue to date as normal.

My question is... would you date a HSV negative person given the opportunity? 

If I loved them I would but people who don't have it don't really understand what it's like to have it

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On 6 August 2016 at 3:48 PM, ThatGuy2 said:

^ I wonder what the stats are for guys being more forgiving of an H+ woman versus women being forgiving of an H+ guy.

 

 I see don't see many posts from guys saying " it worked out ".

I agree. It's usually easier for a woman to date and find a partner than it is for most guys. Almost all the girls I know have lots of guy constantly sniffing around. That doesn't change just because of herpes. However, considering girls often have lots of choices of who to date, why would they pick a guy with a communicable disease? They wouldn't.

On 6 August 2016 at 5:09 PM, Lisajd said:

That's because the risk from women to men is a lot lower than the other way around which could be a factor.

You got any facts to back that up? I got it from a woman

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On 6 August 2016 at 1:42 PM, boricacid said:

Nice!!  Love this!!  

 

Thatguy: Post a picture of a favorite hobby on H+ dating website.  I have a friend who used a playing card as a profile picture..  they don't check the validity of the picture.  And I think meetups are pretty safe...  kinda like A.A. for H+ people.  Unless you are a local celebrity or something. 

My partner (HSV negative) elected to stay with me five days ago after I received an official diagnosis. I would have done the same in his shoes without missing a beat.  Herpes is not a big deal, nor will it keep me from what I love or who I love.  Apparently there are a lot of people who don't have herpes who feel the same way.  And if this relationship doesn't work out, it won't be because of some small, slightly annoying virus, and I'll continue to date as normal.

My question is... would you date a HSV negative person given the opportunity? 

If he had rejected you, would you still be saying herpes isn't a big deal??

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