Feeling defeated...

[moonrae]

I just really need to vent...I'm in my fifth month of ghsv1 and I haven't had a single day without symptoms. It all started out with intense vaginal itch/burn/discharge, and then more symptoms kept popping up: dizziness, back pain, swollen left leg, fevers, nausea, fatigue, lesions on my thighs, skin crawling all over my body, hot stingy feelings in my thighs and legs, purpura on random parts of my body, intense headaches, stingy eyes...I feel like I'm trapped in a prison and going insane. My life has gone completely down the toilet since this happened to me. I honestly don't know how or why to keep going...

When I first realized what I had, I thought it would be two or three weeks of feeling like crap and then maybe I'd get one more outbreak and it would all be over, at least physically. I knew I'd have years and years of psychological damage and shame. I was trying to deal with the trauma of having been sexually assaulted, which is how I caught this. But I've been sick and unable to live a normal life for five months...

The only thing that gives me any hope is reading about cure research/development, but I don't know how I can take one more month of this, let alone years and years...this disease and the disgusting pathetic monster who gave it to me have ruined my life...and I won't get any justice or any relief. 

I've long given up on waking up and feeling better...but what is the point of going on with my life if I can't realistically imagine ever feeling comfortable or pain-free ever again? Let alone free of the shame and trauma of having this disease and knowing how I caught it? 

Edited November 13, 2015 by moonrae

[Sillybrain2]

Feel free to vent, swear, blow your top, we are here for you beautiful Rae.

I hate that you are gong through this as it is, but to have the constant symptoms, I am sorry. I know it doesn't mean much but I really understand the emotional pain you're going through. 

You have no reason to feel any shame at all, this is not your fault, please don't blame yourself.

They say it gets better, maybe your body just needs more time to adjust to it all? 

I wish I had the words and cure to make it better for you and to take away your pain. Hopefully the cure comes before any useful words I have.

Much love and lots of hugs to you.

SB2 xo

 

[moonrae]

Thank you so much Sillybrain! You're such a sweetheart!! Your kind words really help, and the fact that I know you know what I'm going through makes it feel easier to bear. 

Hugs!!

Rae xxxxx

[Acesheart]

You are never defeated when you face your fears with convictions and courage sweetypie. Hugs Aces xo 

[depressed17]

Did you have a blood test done six months after exposure? This sounds like HSV2 to me.

[moonrae]

It's been just over five months. I was thinking of retesting this week, just to be safe. 

[depressed17]

did you have actual intercourse or just oral sex and did your partner have any symptoms at the time or ever

[Sillybrain2]

On 15 November 2015 4:07:55 pm, moonrae said:

It's been just over five months. I was thinking of retesting this week, just to be safe. 

Keep us updated if you do get retested xo

[Aimless.artist]

Are you taking daily antivirals? They help most people A LOT. Also, anxiety and depression can make symptoms worse or even cause them. This very well could not be the virus but simply physical manifestations of anxiety. 

Get antivirals, find a therapist, meditate, go to a support group. You can't just wait depression out, it won't get better on its own. 

[SureWhyNot]

I feel your pain. Been there, done that! There are Monsters out there but we wont be defeated by them. They can harm us at the time but it is up to us to fight for our self! You cannot unring that bell but you can go forward with the knowledge of how to care for your health and put this condition in its manageable place.

Believe it or not the knowledge I gained from having this virus and learning how to deal with it probably saved my life. I was left with Hep C after a surgery. I had all tests for viral activity, twice, before the surgery and had no indications of Hep C but after, there it was. Doctor told me it was my lifestyle though they knew nothing about me!!!! Probably one of the most ignorant things I have heard from a caring medical practitioner! Of course there has never been such an incident in medical history!

I sought Holistic help and have the papers to prove I am clear, only came in contact. I fought back with supervision from an accredited Master Herbalist and Naturopath and Strict food and supplement guidelines. I really don't care what others say how ridiculous this sounds. I am happy proof of my convictions.

You can be your own success story! There are many options and knowledge is strength. You admitted that your mental state is hampering your recovery. You have discovered one of the most important aspects of treatment. We are what we believe. You will be amazed at yourself and your powers to overcome.

If you are interested look up Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) as a way of dealing with the trauma. You will understand it's power if you find the right words for yourself. You will actually feel a mental and physical shift.

There are incredibly knowledgeable people here regarding Allopathic treatments so never stop seeking your health in the way that is comfortable for you. You deserve the best!!!