First Disclosure - better than expected!

[Dan10160]

So my first disclosure went a lot better  than expected!

I just started dental school in August, and a few weeks before that, I found out I was HSV2 positive (talk about life transitions). Apparently I had it for a while, and what I thought was just oral sores my sophomore year of college turned out to be HSV2 and that I most likely had it genitally as well. Those were a fun few weeks. Anyways, I was pretty closed off to the idea of getting intimate with anyone, mainly because I wasn't in a place where I was ready to disclose. 

When I started dental school however, my feelings about myself and my herpes improved tremendously. I think mainly because I didn't have time to dwell on it anymore, and with everything else that I was doing with my life it quickly fell on the list of things I felt defined who I was as a person. << this was key (The BEST advice I can give to anyone recently diagnosed is to immerse yourself completely in something else so that you don't think about it/have time to.)

Inevitably, I met a guy in my class and we very quickly got closer. Pretty much every time we went out we ended up back at his apartment or mine making out, and every time I had to cut it short or tell him I was tired. Every disclosure advice column says not to disclose when you're drunk, so I always avoided that. I knew I would have to do it eventually though.

SO, last night we were studying alone in his apartment (romantic I know), and we stopped around 12 to have a drink/chill (and to make out evidently). I could tell things were moving along so I just decided to do it right there! I turned on the light, tried to be as casual about it as possible, threw around a few jokes/statistics, and he was fine with it! I was SHOCKED. Of course he could change his mind at some point but he was so nice about it I don't think it will ruin our friendship. (unless I accidentally give it to him but like hey one thing to worry about at a time)

 I think some of the key points to my success are as follows:

1. We were already friends and our romantic feelings had been growing for a while. We are in school together so we were able to spend a lot of time together beforehand in different settings.

2. We are both in dental school and are aware of how viruses/infections work

3. We were in a casual setting, at his apartment, and alone.

4. We hadn't done ANYTHING other than kissing. I have yet to touch his penis in any way lol which I think added to my point that I'm trying to protect his sexual health.

oh also I'm a 22 year old female (even though my sn says Dan lol)

 

so, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!! And you can disclose to a non-H person successfully! You just need to make sure they know that you have the utmost respect for them - and that you are a mature human who understands your body and loves yourself enough to know what you want and deserve! Seriously if I can do it so can you. Now I just have to worry about shaving my legs/taking my Valtrex haha

[WilsoInAus]

This is great news and the way it should be all the time!

How have you been diagnosed with HSV-2 though? It isn't likely that it is oral.

 

 

 

[Dan10160]

yea I had two blood tests to confirm. No hsv1 just hsv2. I gave unprotected oral to a guy my sophomore year of college and had protected sex with him the same night. A few weeks later I got a nasty outbreak on my lip. I kind of thought that I might have it genitally too but I sort of ignored it for a while but then when I graduated college I got tested and was sort of forced to "face my herpes".

[WilsoInAus]

What blood test did you have and what were the results? Have you considered a Westernblot?

[Dan10160]

I think it was an antibody test my levels were above 8 both times for hsv2 so Id say that's confirmation enough for me lol 

[Free73]

Well done Dan and good for you. Thanks for sharing

[VVK]

Good for you Dan. Only one question: how do you know he's not HSV+?

[Dan10160]

@VVK that was actually one of the things I mentioned during my disclosure to him and I imagine as we actually get to the intimacy stuff he would want to get himself tested to see if we even have to worry about transmission in the first place. Maybe he'll come out and admit his status to me at some point who knows. One thing at a time I guess.