help!!

[seeksupport]

Seeking some help here... 

I am newly diagnosed (early 2015) living with HSV-2. I took a break from dating to work on evaluating what I would like in a partner for the future. I met someone unexpectedly a few months ago. We began dating and really connected. After about a month and half it seemed like things were progressing towards sex. I disclosed my status to him. He reacted well (way better than I expected) and said that he would think about how he felt about it and we would go from there. He spoke to his friend who is a doctor that reassured him, spent his own time researching, and we talked about risks at length. After a few weeks we had sex. I could tell he was holding back but decided to see where it would go. A few days ago he expressed still being uncomfortable and unsure of what to do. We talked about it but it seems he still needs some time. I am beginning to worry that this will be a sexless relationship. My question is: how long do I wait to see if he is "ok" with my status? I worry if he still is concerned he may never be able to enjoy such an intimate act with me.

[New93]

This is a hard one. I've recently been diagnosed too, so I don't have much experience with the virus yet, but maybe communicating more with your partner will help. If he is really uncomfortable, then maybe it would be better to find someone else who is comfortable with the diagnosis. You shouldn't have to wait around like this. But if you feel like its worth it, then just keep the communication lines open and see where it goes.

[TatsTastic]

I had a non H boyfriend.  We saw each other for 10 months and it was not a sex less relationship.  We broke up and he did not get infected.

- He used condom every time having sex to reduce a chance of getting it.

- He washed himself especially the genital area after sex.

- I was on suppressive medication to prevent transmission.

- Also best to use lubricant during sex to prevent yourself getting outbreak.

Edited November 29, 2015 by TatsTastic
I corrected spelling.

[lexyz22]

6 hours ago, TatsTastic said:

I had a non H boyfriend.  We saw each other for 10 months and it was not a sex less relationship.  We broke up and he did not get infected.

- He used condom every time having sex to reduce a chance of getting it.

- He washed himself especially the genital area after sex.

- I was on suppressive medication to prevent transmission.

- Also best to use lubricant during sex to prevent yourself getting outbreak.

This is all that needs to be done, but sadly its not always the case. 

My ex girlfriend made me feel guilty for using condoms, and obviously when you are blinded by emotion you tend to make stupid choices. Also she wasnt on antiviral meds, needless to say i ended the relationship a year later.

[november13]

The answer to your question really depends on how long YOU want to wait. If it were me, I would end things now. It sounds like you've waited long enough. I would tell him that I like him a lot but I want to be with someone who is going to be comfortable having sex with me. And I would give him credit for being kind and for considering it, despite his fears. I would move on now because even if he changes his mind in a few weeks, I would always worry that he is worried about it, and that would ruin the sex for me. There ARE people out there who don't give a crap about hsv and I would rather be with someone like that (and am currently). Plus, no matter what you do, you can't protect him 100% from getting the virus. If he's reacting this way now, imagine how he would react if he caught the virus from you. 

[TatsTastic]

2 hours ago, lexyz22 said:

This is all that needs to be done, but sadly its not always the case. 

My ex girlfriend made me feel guilty for using condoms, and obviously when you are blinded by emotion you tend to make stupid choices. Also she wasnt on antiviral meds, needless to say i ended the relationship a year later.

Both parties need to sit down and talk. Also being honest is helping each other get thru the problem. We agreed on to do those stuff so he was sure he had a very very tidy chance to get it. It was a peace of mind for me as well because I did not want to pass on to anyone.  In my case herpes was not a reason to end the relationship but something else.

[honorejaxon]

2 hours ago, november13 said:

The answer to your question really depends on how long YOU want to wait. If it were me, I would end things now. It sounds like you've waited long enough. I would tell him that I like him a lot but I want to be with someone who is going to be comfortable having sex with me. And I would give him credit for being kind and for considering it, despite his fears. I would move on now because even if he changes his mind in a few weeks, I would always worry that he is worried about it, and that would ruin the sex for me. There ARE people out there who don't give a crap about hsv and I would rather be with someone like that (and am currently). Plus, no matter what you do, you can't protect him 100% from getting the virus. If he's reacting this way now, imagine how he would react if he caught the virus from you. 

Do you really think there are people who don't give a crap about the virus? I am still so depressed over having it. 

[november13]

Yes! I have disclosed to several guys since acquiring the virus a year ago and none have turned me down or made me feel unwanted. (That was NOT my expectation at all and I am sure eventually I will be rejected for it, but so far so good!) The guy I'm currently dating didn't hesitate AT ALL when I told him; instead, he immediately said he didn't care. And I haven't had to lower my standards; he is very kind and smart and attractive. Actually, I think I'm dating better men now because I look for different qualities. When we have sex, there is no part of me that worries about whether he is worried about contracting the virus. I was really depressed at first too but it can get better. You have so much more to offer someone than just sex, and don't forget it!

Edited November 29, 2015 by november13

[JBnATL]

On 11/29/2015, 4:16:57, honorejaxon said:

Do you really think there are people who don't give a crap about the virus? I am still so depressed over having it. 

Absolutely!  There is a part of this website called "The Secret to our Success" it has hundreds of stories from people who thought no one would want them and they ended up finding someone who didn't care.

Personally, I have given the 'talk' about a dozen times and it has never been a problem.  Most of the sex I have had over this time has been unprotected (their choice) and I have never passed this along.

There are a lot of people out there who won't care about this virus.

JB

[JBnATL]

On 11/22/2015, 1:26:10, seeksupport said:

Seeking some help here... 

I am newly diagnosed (early 2015) living with HSV-2. I took a break from dating to work on evaluating what I would like in a partner for the future. I met someone unexpectedly a few months ago. We began dating and really connected. After about a month and half it seemed like things were progressing towards sex. I disclosed my status to him. He reacted well (way better than I expected) and said that he would think about how he felt about it and we would go from there. He spoke to his friend who is a doctor that reassured him, spent his own time researching, and we talked about risks at length. After a few weeks we had sex. I could tell he was holding back but decided to see where it would go. A few days ago he expressed still being uncomfortable and unsure of what to do. We talked about it but it seems he still needs some time. I am beginning to worry that this will be a sexless relationship. My question is: how long do I wait to see if he is "ok" with my status? I worry if he still is concerned he may never be able to enjoy such an intimate act with me.

Would you like for me to chat with him?  I am a male and have had this virus a long time.  Learning about something is one thing but speaking with someone who has lived with it may put his mind at ease.  I have no problems talking to him on the phone or perhaps in the chat room here.

Good luck!

JB

[honorejaxon]

13 minutes ago, JBnATL said:

Absolutely!  There is a part of this website called "The Secret to our Success" it has hundreds of stories from people who thought no one would want them and they ended up finding someone who didn't care.

Personally, I have given the 'talk' about a dozen times and it has never been a problem.  Most of the sex I have had over this time has been unprotected (their choice) and I have never passed this along.

There are a lot of people out there who won't care about this virus.

JB

Talk to me on the phone haha