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I'm really scared


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I feel like something is wrong with me and I don't want it to be it but I feel like it's it. A few weeks ago I felt tingling around my face and I kept itching my face and at the time I was so full of anxiety cause I was worried that I got something from my boyfriend. I trust him but I was withdrawing from Klonopin at the time and it was making me super paranoid. I kept itching my face and corners of my face all night. I got up the next morning and went to an appointment and came home later on that day and took a nap, when I woke up I got on my computer and went on about my day like usual. Than I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw this purple thing on the side of my mouth, I freaked out. It didn't burn or anythng but it did hurt for like a day when I ate. I felt really cheap at this point and deep down I felt like it could be something. I've asked so many people on what they think it is and they all say different things. It's still there on the side of my mouth and that was on the 8th of this month. It's purple, it's not a blister or anything but it's under my lip. Why would it be under my lip? Is this possible? I'm so scared, I don't want to have herpes but I feel like it is. Now I'm on antibiotics and some of the side effects are tingly and burning of the mouth but it happens on and off through out the day. And under my mouth feels like it's tingly too.. I'm so confused, is it the antibiotics doing this? Or do I have herpes? Why won't that purple thing on my lip go away? My eye was red a little while ago and it's clearing up a little bit but there's still some red veins there. I'm freaking out! I feel like my whole world is over. I keep telling my mother that I have something and that something is wrong with me but she keeps telling me that there's nothing wrong. I keep getting bladder infections and urinating a lot and I want it to go away and if it doesn't I could possibly have herpes 2. I want to go to the hospital and find out what's wrong. Deep down I'm worried that my parents will disown me and won't love me anymore. I'm so worried. I don't think I could live with myself if I found out I had both. I loved my boyfriend and he got rid of me. He doesn't love me anymore cause I was worried I got herpes from him cause of what I've been feeling. He told me he was married for 8 years and nothing ever happened. And his wife never had a break out. But he's the kind of guy that I don't trust. After we made love, I found out that he slept around and had many girlfriends. I always used a condom but I know that doesn't stop anything. Man I'm so stupid and naive, I hate myself. I still have a bladder infection and it hasn't cleared up any. I feel like I'm going insane. Wish I could go back in time and wish that I never met him, I feel so cheap and used. He's so cold and distant, he told me to never call him cause he thinks I gave him scabies by sleeping with someone else. Deep down I feel like he did that so he could get rid of me. Please someone help me, someone help me! :(

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There are a number of different things going on here. But I actually do not thnk herpes is one of them.

Given the prevalence of herpes, there is a huge chance that at least one of your parents as an oral HSV-1 infection and do you. This does not represent any issues in terms of your parents or boyfriends.

In life, most people have HSV-1 and some don't. Some people will become infected and some won't. It really doesn't matter a great deal and just part of human existence. An existence that is accepted by over 99% of people.

I'm afraid only you can help yourself here. You are your own value that needs no validation from loser boyfriends or even parents. You must be the best version of yourself. There are only two human emotions in the end; fear and love. I read a lot of fear in what you write. Choose love, come from a place of love every minute of the day and love will find you. Love is confidence, value, happiness, fulfilment all in one!!

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