Help guys!! Need some disclosure feedback!

[honorejaxon]

Simply put, how many times have you disclosed? I'm a newbie here.  

What percentage have been successful? Any tips? Have you had mostly good or bad reactions??

who here is in a long term relationship or seeing someone? Thanks guys 

[honorejaxon]

Anyone please. I just want to hear experiences. Both positive and negative ones 

[Joperty]

I told one guy... my current boyf. He was amazing.  I almost wish he'd rejected me thou cos now I'm just terrified of passing it on :-/ but that's my issue - he looked it up and decided it wasn't worth loosing me over.

[honorejaxon]

I was always so careful and made a one time stupid decision after getting out of a really bad and cheating filled relationship.  Now I have an amazing girl who wants to be with me despite this and I just feel like I don't deserve her at all. I keep pushing her away but she says she loves me and wants to stay 

[Joperty]

I know how you feel, I really do, some days are ok thou right? You just have to remind yourself that your the same person you were before, your not suddenly a bad guy now and you still have all the same stuff to offer. If your a nice guy - and you've been honest about something that's really tough to be honest about so I think you probably are ,  then you deserve this girl, and herpes or not if you treat a girl well your a good guy and why shouldn't you be happy?

[honorejaxon]

5 minutes ago, Joperty said:

I know how you feel, I really do, some days are ok thou right? You just have to remind yourself that your the same person you were before, your not suddenly a bad guy now and you still have all the same stuff to offer. If your a nice guy - and you've been honest about something that's really tough to be honest about so I think you probably are ,  then you deserve this girl, and herpes or not if you treat a girl well your a good guy and why shouldn't you be happy?

I keep dwelling on if I didn't have this rebound. Or was more careful about it etc. Shit I could have got it from my ex who slept with two or three guys while we were together. But we were still communicating after we broke up and I feel bad because I should never have gotten involved with this other person. I am not typically the type of person to do hookups. I was just so damn hurt from my ex. I thought we were going to eventually get married.  But now my confidence is gone and I just feel gross when before I never had trouble with women and knew I was worthy etc. Now I just feel like I have bad judgement and decision making and this girl would be better without me. 

[Joperty]

Why does it matter where it came from. That's not really important in who you are, everyone makes mistakes. It's life. And herpes isn't a bug just for people who sleep around!! I've been with five guys in 15 years. I don't consider that many, they were all serious relationships.  It just turned out that one of them was a giant liar!! But we have this now. And life goes on anyway . We will  most likely meet people who will reject us, but now we both have people who show us how special we are to them by accepting  us and our baggage. I think as hard as it is sometimes  we should just enjoy life. Knowing  we have this should make it easier to  protect others.

[elnino]

I've disclosed once. It was to a non-H girl and she didn't care at all. And not because she couldn't do better...she is a stunning, major pageant winner, real life Kim K but with much prettier face and skin. Anyways, we had lots of sex over 3.5 years and she never got it. I took acyclovir and always used condoms for vaginal sex, never for oral. The relationship ended for completely unrelated reasons.

It's always hard, though. I had a couple of other potential relationships kind of fall into my lap recently but becuase of H I haven't pursued them (yet). I just haven't felt right about disclosure...don't have the trust level yet. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Time will tell.

[honorejaxon]

2 hours ago, elnino said:

I've disclosed once. It was to a non-H girl and she didn't care at all. And not because she couldn't do better...she is a stunning, major pageant winner, real life Kim K but with much prettier face and skin. Anyways, we had lots of sex over 3.5 years and she never got it. I took acyclovir and always used condoms for vaginal sex, never for oral. The relationship ended for completely unrelated reasons.

It's always hard, though. I had a couple of other potential relationships kind of fall into my lap recently but becuase of H I haven't pursued them (yet). I just haven't felt right about disclosure...don't have the trust level yet. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Time will tell.

How old are you roughly? Congrats by the way 

[elnino]

5 minutes ago, honorejaxon said:

How old are you roughly? Congrats by the way 

@honorejaxon Early thirties.

Edited December 8, 2015 by elnino

[honorejaxon]

12 minutes ago, elnino said:

@honorejaxon Early thirties.

Did you know her for a while before disclosing? Do you feel confident in disclosing again. Sorry for the questions. I'm just trying so hard to regain my confidence and forgive myself. 

[elnino]

We had dated casually for a while (a few months). Eventually, when it became evident that physical intimacy was imminent, I just stopped what we were doing and told her. She was shocked, cause I'm a very conservative, straight and narrow kind of guy in almost every way. But after a couple minutes, she didn't care anymore. She appreciated my honesty and trusted that I would never put her at risk. And we hardly ever talked about it again. 

I understand your feelings. I am sort of back at ground zero again also. Yes, I see myself disclosing again, but only to someone I am genuinely interested in and that I have complete trust in. 

[november13]

8 hours ago, honorejaxon said:

Simply put, how many times have you disclosed? I'm a newbie here.  

What percentage have been successful? Any tips? Have you had mostly good or bad reactions??

who here is in a long term relationship or seeing someone? Thanks guys 

I've disclosed 6 times. I've been 100% successful. My advice is to pay attention to how kind they are, see how they talk about other people, and see how they react when you talk compassionately about others. If they seem kind and compassionate and don't say bad things about people, they will respond kindly to you--despite whether or not they want to continue the relationship. 

I am currently in a new relationship with a great guy who didn't care at all about my herp. I'm 27/f and have gHSV1. 

[honorejaxon]

15 hours ago, november13 said:

I've disclosed 6 times. I've been 100% successful. My advice is to pay attention to how kind they are, see how they talk about other people, and see how they react when you talk compassionately about others. If they seem kind and compassionate and don't say bad things about people, they will respond kindly to you--despite whether or not they want to continue the relationship. 

I am currently in a new relationship with a great guy who didn't care at all about my herp. I'm 27/f and have gHSV1. 

That's awesome you have been so successful but I really don't think that's the norm . You must be quite the looker haha

[Free73]

I'm not really sure why you ask the question. You say that you already have a girl who wants to be with you despite the herpes. So why are you concerned about disclosure if she already knows?

Do I detect that perhaps you are not quite sure if this girl is for you but you are scared of letting her go because you might not meet another girl who is ok with the fact you have herpes? If that's the case, then you are being unfair to both of you.

[JBnATL]

5 hours ago, honorejaxon said:

That's awesome you have been so successful but I really don't think that's the norm . You must be quite the looker haha

Over the 6+ years I have been coming to this website I have chatted with thousands of Herpsters and I would say I have met more people who have had greater success rate with the 'talk' than those who didn't.  There is a great section of this website, "The Secret to our Success" it has hundreds of stories from people who thought no one would want them and ended up finding someone who did not care.  I myself have given  the 'talk' about a dozen times and have never been rejected either.

And btw, november is quite the looker

JB

[Honda450r]

I'm new to this site but I was dx with ghsv2 over a year ago and have had the talk with my current bf who didn't think any less of me though I do worry abt passing the virus to him abt every day but don't let it interfere with my relationship.  I know it's something I have to work though in my head. 

We are open with each other and communicate.  I take valtrex and natural antivirals and take care of myself physically to keep him safe. . 

[honorejaxon]

2 hours ago, Free73 said:

I'm not really sure why you ask the question. You say that you already have a girl who wants to be with you despite the herpes. So why are you concerned about disclosure if she already knows?

Do I detect that perhaps you are not quite sure if this girl is for you but you are scared of letting her go because you might not meet another girl who is ok with the fact you have herpes? If that's the case, then you are being unfair to both of you.

That is not the case. Thanks for the reply though. I guess in general I'm just trying to regain my confidence in general. I really love this girl but don't want her to feel like she's settling. Which frustrates me cause I had quite a bit of luck before this. Not saying I was a woman's man or whatever but I had plenty of confidence. I just keep thinking she's gonna change her mind 

[Free73]

15 minutes ago, honorejaxon said:

That is not the case. Thanks for the reply though. I guess in general I'm just trying to regain my confidence in general. I really love this girl but don't want her to feel like she's settling. Which frustrates me cause I had quite a bit of luck before this. Not saying I was a woman's man or whatever but I had plenty of confidence. I just keep thinking she's gonna change her mind 

So you are terrified of being rejected by her at some point? At the end of the day, all relationships might fail, irrespective of whether one party has herpes or not. The fear of rejection is always with us. I guess when you are diagnosed with herpes, that fear is amplified. The only thing you can do is talk about your fears and communicate with her and allow yourself to be vulnerable. But if you let that fear consume you, it will no doubt poison the relationship.

[honorejaxon]

1 hour ago, Free73 said:

So you are terrified of being rejected by her at some point? At the end of the day, all relationships might fail, irrespective of whether one party has herpes or not. The fear of rejection is always with us. I guess when you are diagnosed with herpes, that fear is amplified. The only thing you can do is talk about your fears and communicate with her and allow yourself to be vulnerable. But if you let that fear consume you, it will no doubt poison the relationship.

How do you get past negative reactions you read online and stuff. I read like yahoo answers and I know it's not a good source but they're all like yuck gross never date some one with herpes etc. It is a huge blow to my self confidence

[Acesheart]

I say who gives a rat's ass what others say? You define you and your character and your heart are all your own honey. If what your reading is all negative then read the true successfully experiences here. I am one of those success stories and I'm proud of the fact I feel no shame in telling anyone to bite my ass if they don't like how I live or look or love. You are only responsible for your actions be they negative or positive, so please stop reading the silly ignorant stuff and read from OUR personal life's stories. Hugs Aces xo