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Hi there,

I want to start off by saying how very hard this is for me and I have not taken the recent news of most likely having HSV well. I am a single 30 year old female. I have a great career, family and friends. My dating/relationships have not been on point but figured I would eventually meet the right person.

1 week ago (Wednesday) I noticed 3 small pimples on the bottom of my buttocks. I truly didn't even think twice because as we all know, pimples are common and I figured it was normal given I was on my period and didn't have the best eating week. I felt off and thought it was a mixture of my menstrual cycle and being worn down from stress at work. Continuing on with my week I didn't put anymore thought into the pimples, until I noticed there were now 5 or 6. I attempted to squeeze them thinking it would alleviate the pressure as now they began to hurt. I also put some antibiotic cream on them thinking this may prevent infection.

The pimples turned into scabby sores and I then noticed other symptoms that made me take a trip to the clinic. I had swelling in my left lymph node (by my groin) and redness. Sitting in the walk in clinic room waiting for the doctor I was petrified. I always practice safe sex, have STD checks often and always up to date on pap smears as I already have issue with yeast infections and bacterial infections due to my off balance PH levels.

The doctor looked at the scabby sores on my butt and said it could be one of two things. Shingles or genitals herpes. He took two swabs and said it is most likely herpes because he see's this a lot and given the location of the sores it makes more sense. I was devastated and burst into tears because I never thought it was possible given my safe sex rules and good hygiene. He mentioned the test may come back inconclusive as the sores were in the healing process.

He gave me the highest prescription of Valtrex and told me to come back in 2 weeks from that date to review the results. I wanted a second opinion so visited my family doctor later that day. She agreed with the previous doctors diagnosis and took yet another swab, pap smear and vaginal swab as she said I have a discharge. I asked my own doctor if there was a blood test I could have taken to determine if I was indeed positive for HSV1 or 2 and she said no. (P.s I live in Canada)

I went home that evening feeling dirty, disgusting and scared shitless. Being the person I am, I decided to do some research to see if I could perhaps find out more about HSV and the different types. I found a blog that was from a Canadian and it went over that YES you can have a typing blood test completed that would determine if I was in fact positive to either of the HSV complexes for $140 at a private lab.

I then went to a third doctor (walk in) and asked for the lab form required to have the test I researched completed. The doctor looked at me with a disgusted face and said "does it really matter which one you have?" "So many people have it so it really isn't that big of deal". I demanded the lab form and said I needed to know and that the swab testing I had done may not show a result. He gave it to me and said I was waiting my money. (I disagree). I went the next morning to have the blood test completed and now I wait.

My results for all of the testing will be in by Dec 21st (hopefully). I already know that indeed this is what I have. Just not sure which type it is. The past week has been the most traumatizing week of my life and I have been in so much pain. I am on my 4th day of Valtrex, also using tea tree oil (first day of this) to try to help heal the sores. I am having tingling, and prodome symptoms where the sores are so hoping that doesn't mean another outbreak is on the way. I also now have what I feel is a yeast infection on top of all of this so started a canesten treatment. The sores are nowhere near my vagina but now I am finding that it actually burns and is a bit uncomfortable to pee.

Can someone please shed some light on my scenario and provide any advice as to how to deal with this physically and emotionally. I have been talking with my close family and friends but have had some pretty scary thoughts and this is not like me at all! I feel so alone and don't know how I will be able to date, move on and explain this to others.




Edited by lostforwords1985
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Hi there, you have come to the right place.  Please realize you WILL be ok even if you are a Herpster.  Learn all you can about this and you will realize your doctors are right, genital herpes doesn't have to be a big deal and is very common.

Head to the "Secret to our Success" section of this website and you will find hundreds of stories from people who thought no one would ever want them and they ended up finding someone who did not care.  Personally I have given the 'talk' about a dozen times and have never been rejected.

 Where in Canada do you live?  There is a great support group in the GTA and many other large cities there have them too.  Over the years I have met hundreds of Canadians on this website, so you are not alone.

You can live a normal life with this, please believe that.


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Hi JB,


Thanks very much for your reply. I really appreciate it. I live in the Oshawa area but do work close to Toronto. could you tell me what the support groups name and location is? I know I need to talk to someone who understand what is going on. My friends and family have been so supportive but it's hard for them to give me advice because they know less about the virus then I do. I have been reading everything I can to get as much information to educate myself but it would still be nice to talk to someone who knows what I am going through.


Thanks again for you kind words!

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Hey lostforwords,


I have some bad news for you...the blood tests won't show your herpes type yet, because you are newly infected. It takes time for your body to build antibodies (about 4 - 6 months).

Good news - swab tests WILL give you your type. You just have to make sure to ask the doctor what type you are.

Toronto has a huge group of herpsters - both on this website, AND their in person meetings. I will send you the details.

Finally - don't beat yourself up for herpes. It's the one STD that's really hard to avoid (along with HPV). I even caught it off my first boyfriend EVER, AND I made sure to practice safe sex. It happens. Thankfully, its just a skin condition, and most people don't bat an eye at this. Once you get past the first year, your chances of passing this to a partner drop dramatically, especially if you practice safer sex and use antivirals.


Read this guide to STDs - its pretty awesome:



It will get better :)

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I feel so alone and don't know how I will be able to date, move on and explain this to others.

On that note...

You should definitely browse this website. There are people who haven't ever been rejected since they've caught herpes.

You are FAR from alone. Here's a "scary" fact - 80% of people who HAVE HSV-2 actually have no idea that they have it. They are undiagnosed. This is the reality of herpes. You are part of a small group of people who are actually aware of their infection. You don't need to explain how you caught it - who cares at this point? When you date, the important thing is that you acknowledge that you have it, disclose it, and show how you are able to protect the other person. That will go a long way to helping you.

People say that its all in how you present yourself. If you are afraid of the virus, and you express that, people will be turned off. But, if you are proactive about it, you can simply say you got unlucky (its true, it happens) people may sympathize. It also fits into a bigger conversation about safer sex - what does your partner bring to the table? Did you know that men cannot get tested for HPV? If your partner has ever had cold sores, well let them know - that's herpes too.

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I am sorry you are going through this. I was the same as you, always very safe, but unfortunately you cannot always trust everyone, at least in my case. I learned "long term monogamous relationship" means crap to some jerks. Regardless, about your pain, I had cold sores for years and I use the same topical cold sore treatments on the GHPV. My favorite is Campho-Phenique from Bayer because it not only helps with H but also prevents infection and works wonders for stopping the pain and itch. I used tea tree oil in the past for ingrown hairs after a brazilian wax and it made it itch like crazy and bright red. Doctor said it was a big N-O because it is not pH balanced and can actually cause more damage than good in that area.

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Wow! Thanks so much. I probably will have to redue blood tests then. Both doctors that did the swabbing test my sores were past the point of being able to get a good result. 

I am overwhelmed with our healthcare system not having better knowledge then me on herpes. 


You both have helped me so much and thank you. It's nice to know you are not alone :) 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey lost! There is a great support group that meets in toronto that you might want to look into. http://torontoherpes.com/ thats the website. They meet every month and have a social as well. The first year of my diagnosis I went there and met so many amazing people. I would definitely recommend it. 

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