Need to vent.

[Gsxr1000]

I really can't take this anymore. I have contemplated going on these sites for sometime... I don't know what to achieve from this other then literally writing this down to the only group of people in my situation...

 

i was diagnosed in May 2015. It came out of no where and it crushed me. My whole life spiraled. All I can do is distract my self. I'm disgusted with myself. I stopped going to the gym, I stopped eating right. I started smoking again.  Many people would say I'm only making it worse for myself but I can't help it.  

 

I started dating my best friend before this. She is amazing and for sure the love of my life. She was by my side and we had not had sex... When I started getting the synptoms I thought it was a rash from soap ect. Herpes never crossed my mind.

once the doctor saw the rash he suggested herpes and swabbed. I still couldn't believe it. But 1 week of sleepless nights later it was confirmed.....

 

I love my girlfriend so much. She's more then just a girlfriend, she's a best friend.  She's like no other I've ever met in my life. 

 

After a long time we tried sex with a condolence carefully I guess....  It was awful. I wanted to make love to the love of my life. Instead I found my self unsettled with thoughts racing threw my mind.  I'm a danger to her.... The thought of passing this onto her crushed me. And to make it worse I have sensitive skin and the condom was causing me discomfort.

 

months later I find every doctor has a diffrent storey, a diffrent opinion....  

My family doctor acted like it was nothing. Just nothing. Std doctor acted like I couldn't pass it on with out OB, he literally said only females can because they can't tell if there having an out break. 

I read horror story's. I feel bad for women because it seams much worse for them. How could I chance giving such and amazing women who I love dearly this disgusting virus. 

We almost never have sex. We get emotional and into the moment and then it always hits me. I stop, i freeze. So many emotions hit me... And this is why I'm in my living room typing this.  I want to pull my ducking hair out..

 

the other morning we started kissing ect. I was half awake and completely forgot about the herpes for once. So in the moment and somewhat sedated. 

It then hit like a brick, I was wide awake again, remembered I'm a fucking walking disaster and left the room. I just wanna jump off my balcony. Everyone says it's so stupid to act this way but the frustration is killing me. 

 

Im not even sure if anyone will read this but if you did thanks for hearing me out. In not a firm believer in psychological therapy so in all honestly I don't think anyone can help me. 

I guess I'll go back to the room now and throw on a fake smile and act like everything is ok...:: I can't bare to proof read this and I'm extremely frustrated so I'm sorry for any errors  

 

 

 

i c

[SheIsBlue]

Gsxr, I know exactly what you are going through and exactly how you feel and what you are feeling is totally normal.  I know it's hard, but try not to let the virus get in the way.  If your gf is not worried then neither should you.  As long as you know your symptoms, you can have sex as much as you want.  When you don't feel safe, you refrain from intimacy.  I dated someone for three years and never passed it and I have constant symptoms and outbreaks, but I knew when to say no.  So take it slow, relax, and try to enjoy your relationship.  Your gf is lucky to have such a caring, considerate partner.

[Gsxr1000]

How do you know when it's safe tho? I feel normal most of the time. I am lucky tho because I have only had 3 out breaks in 8 months. When I do get them tho they stay for almost 3 weeks before they are completely held despite best efforts not to irritate the area and to do the best I can to keep it in check. I was told once to use tea tree oil tho. It was a very bad idea for me and severely burned my skin due to it already being so sensitive. At the time time I didn't realize it was the tea tree oil causing it, I thought it was the OB and just put more on.  Anyways. I'm not sure if that works for anyone else but be careful because it really hurt me. 

 

After I posted this msg last night I did ask my girlfriend if we could see an actual std doctor together. Not my family doctor who I feel doesn't know enough information. 

she said yes. I'm hoping I get some good information. 

If suppression therapy is the answer I would do it no issue. I would do what ever it takes.  

I just wish there was some way of knowing when your able to give the virus and when it's dormant. I would be happy to have sex once a month at this point if that was the only time i could. 

 

Thank ni you for the reply 

[Free73]

It's impossible for anyone to tell you when the virus is actively shedding because no one knows.

I went to a specialist sexual health clinic and even they downplayed herpes telling me to basically get on with my life and unless i'm having an outbreak, not to worry about transmitting to others. Of course, they say that on the assumption that people are using condoms.

It's hard man, I feel your pain, we all do. The thought of having to use a condom with someone I love in a long term relationship all the time is very disheartening.

I'm no sure what to say to you, but try not to dwell on this so much that it poisons your relationships because it sounds like you have a loving partner and to lose that would be even worse.

[JBnATL]

17 hours ago, Gsxr1000 said:

 

I started dating my best friend before this. She is amazing and for sure the love of my life. She was by my side and we had not had sex... When I started getting the synptoms I thought it was a rash from soap ect. Herpes never crossed my mind.

 

 

You said you had not had sex with your gf but did she ever perform oral sex on you?  Most people who do get an outbreak do so 2 - 20 days after acquiring the virus, so if she did perform oral on you then she has it too.  Has she ever been tested?  90% of all adults have this virus in one form or another.  Anyone who has ever had mono, chicken pox or a cold sore has herpes.

Your fear of passing this along to her is very valid.  No one wants to infect their loved ones, but it is possible to have a very robust sex life with this and not spread it.  I have had this a very long time and have dated about a dozen women and never passed it.  Almost all of my sex has been unprotected (their choice).  I also know many married people who have been married decades and never passed it to their spouse.  Most people get this from someone who does not know they have it, not from someone who does.  Whenever I date I take daily antivirals and that gives me a sense of peace knowing I am doing something proactive in not passing this.

Good luck!

JB

[Gsxr1000]

2 hours ago, Free73 said:

It's impossible for anyone to tell you when the virus is actively shedding because no one knows.

I went to a specialist sexual health clinic and even they downplayed herpes telling me to basically get on with my life and unless i'm having an outbreak, not to worry about transmitting to others. Of course, they say that on the assumption that people are using condoms.

It's hard man, I feel your pain, we all do. The thought of having to use a condom with someone I love in a long term relationship all the time is very disheartening.

I'm no sure what to say to you, but try not to dwell on this so much that it poisons your relationships because it sounds like you have a loving partner and to lose that would be even worse.

I hear you. I've tried so many doctors. Like I said mine also dowb played it like it was nothing. Just a rash. We went to talk to a specialist today and I found out they are just the same doctors used in the walk in clincs. I've talked to 6 of them already and never been given an answer 

[Gsxr1000]

1 hour ago, JBnATL said:

You said you had not had sex with your gf but did she ever perform oral sex on you?  Most people who do get an outbreak do so 2 - 20 days after acquiring the virus, so if she did perform oral on you then she has it too.  Has she ever been tested?  90% of all adults have this virus in one form or another.  Anyone who has ever had mono, chicken pox or a cold sore has herpes.

Your fear of passing this along to her is very valid.  No one wants to infect their loved ones, but it is possible to have a very robust sex life with this and not spread it.  I have had this a very long time and have dated about a dozen women and never passed it.  Almost all of my sex has been unprotected (their choice).  I also know many married people who have been married decades and never passed it to their spouse.  Most people get this from someone who does not know they have it, not from someone who does.  Whenever I date I take daily antivirals and that gives me a sense of peace knowing I am doing something proactive in not passing this.

Good luck!

JB

She has never performed oral on me actually. I have done it to her tho. I really hope I can't spread the virus that way. I know I have  had mono and chicken pox. I never realized they are related but I have not asked her. 

 

I tried telling her how I feel today and it didn't end well. I told her for now I would like

to stop having sex.  I tried to put it light. When we do have sex I'm more worried about the condom and now that I'm having reactions to the condom it's worse.  It's been the same thing with diffrent condoms ect for a while. It always ends up with me in the living room upset and her in the bedroom upset. I don't see a point in trying anymore. I just want a break from sex for a while. I just want to try and feel ok for a bit. Im

waiting to have another OB from the stress. 

[Gsxr1000]

Since I don't have a reliable doctor can someone tell me what a prescription to suppress herpes would be? Like the daily dose. They perscrbed me 10 days of Valtrax when I was first diagnosed and it was 160 plus tax. Maybe the daily dose is less and cheaper?

[Free73]

The daily dose is just one pill each day (500mg). Ask for the generic brands rather than Valtrex (if you haven't already done so). The generic brands should be cheaper.

You have to start thinking less about this because the stress will just make it worse. I actually stopped taking the daily suppressant and I stopped obsessing about it and it has been much better, not only physically but emotionally and psychologically.

Stop wasting your money on doctors. There is nothing anyone can tell you that will make any difference. It is a virus that manifests as a skin rash and sores and no one knows when or where it sheds when there are no outbreaks. Anyone that thinks they can tell you that is full of sh*t.

Get your diet right, exercise regularly, keep alcohol to a minimum, stay off the cigarettes........all that will do much more for you than suppressants or anything else. And look after your girlfriend because she loves you and she doesn't deserve to be pushed away.........having the support of a loving partner is something that thousands of us would love to have. Don't throw that away. I know it's hard, but try and take the emotion out of it, because this virus thrives on emotion

[Gsxr1000]

1 hour ago, Free73 said:

The daily dose is just one pill each day (500mg). Ask for the generic brands rather than Valtrex (if you haven't already done so). The generic brands should be cheaper.

You have to start thinking less about this because the stress will just make it worse. I actually stopped taking the daily suppressant and I stopped obsessing about it and it has been much better, not only physically but emotionally and psychologically.

Stop wasting your money on doctors. There is nothing anyone can tell you that will make any difference. It is a virus that manifests as a skin rash and sores and no one knows when or where it sheds when there are no outbreaks. Anyone that thinks they can tell you that is full of sh*t.

Get your diet right, exercise regularly, keep alcohol to a minimum, stay off the cigarettes........all that will do much more for you than suppressants or anything else. And look after your girlfriend because she loves you and she doesn't deserve to be pushed away.........having the support of a loving partner is something that thousands of us would love to have. Don't throw that away. I know it's hard, but try and take the emotion out of it, because this virus thrives on emotion

Thank you for the advice. I am going to try my best to quit smoking again. The stupid thing is I quit for 4 years and started body building.  I was at 220lbs lean when I found out and now I'm about 180 with chub in just 8 months, pretty crazy what no gym and not eating will do. I do think that's part of the reason my doctor was worried about me. 

 

I had a long talk with the women tonight. And I apologized. I told her im going to get on  the viral medication and hopefully try some other condoms. I read a lot about studies on the viral meds and showed her some with the odds ect. She for sure seems to be more positive then I have been. If i could relax and worry less during sex I feel like it would help a lot. In not sure what to do about the condoms  but I'll keep trying new ones for sensitive skin. 

i explained to her i could care less about a rash. Honestly I'm a welder fabricator. I get hurt more at work then herpes does... I agree to that point with doctors. I think the doctors fail to realize tho it's a diffrent ball game when it's something you can give to someone you love and it is a huge deal.  And I do believe like I stated I think it hurt women more.

 

I really appreciate the comments and advice. I do believe i was wrong in my first post. Thank you 

[Acesheart]

Hey Gsxr, I liked reading the new attitude in this last post you wrote, it's completely true. I've had Ghsv 2 (G=genitals) and I've been married over 26years with the virus and have NOT passed it to my husband. The first of my 28/plus years with the virus I stayed on daily suppression therapies. Back then Valtrex wasn't invented. It was Acyclovir 800mg several times a day. Ten years later with newer advances in medicine, I started Valtrex, the generic Valacyclovir wasn't available. I stayed on antivirals for 25years straight and they reduced transmission and lessened outbreaks (two in 25 yrs) and kept my husband safe. He doesn't care and has never cared if the inevitable should happen since we married for better, worse and life  ! If you have a partner who knows what you have and you take daily suppression therapy, your chances for a successful relationship are really very high. It's like user Free says, emotions can play a roll in the outbreaks so do try not stressing. If she and you have a good foundation, no amount herps can destroy this relationship. We live life, had a child and plan to buy those rocking chairs for the front porch in the next two decades. These antivirals work differently for everyone so it's recommended you get yearly blood functions testing, like I did, to keep a baseline of your organ functions.  I no longer take antivirals unless I'm having an outbreak, just had my third anus ob, but having the love and support of a special someone makes going through this ordeal bearable. Hugs Aces xo 

[Gsxr1000]

Thank you. The more I hear storeys like that the better I feel!

i got a script today for 25 days of antivirals st 500mg a day. I took the advice and asked for a generic drug and went to a whole sale pharmacy. To my surprise it was 25$!!! I was so happy. When I was first diagnosed the 10 day treat ment was  6 times that. It was such a relief. It's actually afordable now! I was planing on it being 200 a month.  It was embarrassing to hand in the script and talk about but once it was done I felt like it woo get easier with time . 

Im using the extra cash to take the lady out on a nice date! I feel good today. Better the. I have in so long. she told me today while we were grocery shopping and picking up the drugs that I haven't been this happy in so long. I'm really happy she sees it because she had a smile on all day too!! I've been in a couple long term relationships. I've never felt this way for anyone and I'm just happy I can hopefully start acting like me again because she doesn't deserve to be around a miserable person all the time.  I figure I will take the antivirals for a week and then once i know I'm ok focus on kicking the smoking habit!

 

Thank you so much. Really wish I reached out sooner. 

[Terrell]

Vent all you need here let it out