Relationship Help ADVICE!

[nolagirl94]

Hello all,

I periodically come on this site, it has been such a major help for me, in reading others stories and posting my own forums and receiving feedback.. I am a 20 year old girl and got GHSV2 after my first sexual partner ever.  Pretty heart breaking and traumatizing. My first sexual partner is also my boyfriend of a year and a half who treats me like shit. I could go on and on about the terrible things he has done to me, which include physical and sexual abuse, but I will leave you without the list.

I have completely forgot my worth since being diagnosed, and it's hard not to honestly. I felt like I had everything in the world before I was diagnosed. I get lots of attention from males, I am slim, blonde hair, blue eyes, I keep myself up..  But now I settle with someone who has told me to kill myself, who has raped me, hit me, and gave me herpes.

Every time I read about herpes dating sites, I want to jump off a cliff, I don't want to have to resort to limiting myself to a subset of the population, I am so young for Christs Sake, I want to have endless possibilities of a future husband. Not have to limit myself to one group of people. When I think of that I feel very sad...

Even before the herpes, I have suffered from depression and anxiety.. I dealt with a deadly disease growing up as a child, and also grew up in a highly abusive household from my mother's partner, it didn't stop until I was 17. Not trying to give a sob story, just some background on how and why I stay.. I guess.

I am terrified of rejection, It hurts me to think that I would have to sit down with someone I would be seeing for a while and possibly face that. Can you imagine seeing someone for a few month (which is what I would do before ever becoming sexual with someone), and then they have to walk out of your life or remain a friend, because of this. :-( Sigh.

 

[SheIsBlue]

nolagirl, I agree with lexyz.  You need to leave this relationship.  It is unhealthy and unsafe.  You have your whole life ahead of you.  You should never settle.  I know why you are staying, but you are not happy in this relationship and never will be.  Trust me, when you get out of this relationship, you will feel better, you will get your confidence back, and you will date again.  No matter what, you deserve better.  

[lexyz22]

Everyone needs to realise they should not be confined by the minor limitations of herpes. 

If you were a Pornstar, ok... then your livelihood is ruined, but lets face it none of us are pornstars.

Its a small skin condition, thats it. 

Live your life, and eventually you will find someone who will look past this and focus on you.

You are NOT defined as a person by Herpes. If you get to know someone really well and they love everything about you then you tell them about herpes and reject you, then they are shallow and you have dodged a bullet   

[november13]

Leave this relationship NOW. If he is abusive, try to talk to a school counselor or a friend about how to stay safe in case he gets mad when you try to leave him.

You're not happy in the relationship. Definitely do not stay because you are afraid of disclosing your status. Worry about that when the time comes. In the meantime, work on being happy by yourself. Read books on confidence and self-compassion. Focus on your passions. Treat yourself to a haircut or manicure or whatever makes you feel good. Hang out with friends. Learn to be happy all by yourself. 

I've disclosed many times and have not been rejected. In my experience, it's all about picking the right partners--people who are kind and care about you/others. There are many people out that there don't care about herpes, so don't limit yourself to STI dating sites. You can and will date again, I promise. And it sounds like finding a better partner than this loser will be easy. 

[VVK]

I agree with the general message of the responses so far, and add this:

Herpes might make you sad (at first), but he'll make you dead if you stay. Take heed. 

You're from a high-risk background. It won't be easy to leave. Seek support and professional help from your community center.

[Kate]

Hello Nola,

Reading your post makes me sad because I too got it from an abusive relationship. There is NO reason you should be staying with this guy. I too had a lot of trouble leaving my relationship but when I did I met the most amazing man (met him here) and we have a wonderful relationship. He gave me my self worth back. And even if we don't work out I know that I will never settle for less than I deserve. You don't have to date someone with h. There are many people here who have had successful relationships. Please get out. No person should ever make you feel like that. Love yourself first. Please feel better and feel free to message me at anytime.

 

Much love,

Kate xo

 

[sickornotsick]

Don't let fear dictate your future happiness. Someone is going to realize how wonderful you are but only if you let them. Take the leap and get out of your unhealthy relationship. I've been in relationships with the wrong people and its just not worth it. Surround yourself with healthy people and a healthy lifestyle. Happiness is waiting for you. Let it in. 

[nice]

I know you are afraid, and that's understandable considering what you're going through. You must feel so alone like theres no way out. It will be hard at first but u must seek help so you arent alone in all of this. Talk to a counsellor or social worker. There will be a safe place for you to stay through domestic violence/ sexual abuse services. You don't have to go into detail with what's happening if u don't feel comfortable. You don't have to press charges if u don't feel comfortable. Just make that small baby step and speak to someone that you dont feel safe you are being abused and you need support. Your life isnt over with herpes. Sometimes it might feel hard but you're not alone. We are all here to help you through this. Just take that small baby step. The rest will become easier. You don't deserve to live this way. There will be help available u just have to make that first step. It might seem hard at first but you're doing this for you. You can do this, you're not alone. It will get better. Sending lots of hugs and kisses and i wish n hope for your safety.