how to forgive when you're haunted

[blistering love]

I feel like the guy who gave me this is laughing at me. I got this from oral. I feel like he just wanted to "ruin me". Is it possible to ever just forgive him in my mind so that i can just get on with my life, instead of seeing his face.I'm really haunted by him. Anyone with any advice on how to just move on and forgive, would be deeply appreciated.This might sound silly, but i was considering hypnotherapy, to help forget the trauma..

Edited December 28, 2015 by blistering love

[VVK]

Does it matter in the end what he's doing? In the end you need to forgive for yourself, not for him.

See a behavioural therapist. It will help more than hypnotherapy.

[november13]

I'd look up a book or audiobook on forgiveness, read the reviews, and pick one or two that you think will be the most helpful to you. That usually helps me when I want to work on something specific. 

[blistering love]

is behavioral therapist, one that specializes in CBT? ill have a look around, thank you both:)

[Free73]

The only method I found effective is to change your perspective on how/what you feel towards other people. What I mean by that is to look at the guy who gave it to you as someone with his own issues and fears. There is a saying that 'hurt people, hurt people' which I think is true. Before I contracted herpes I was dating a woman who had recently broken up from her ex (she lied to me about being over him and being ready to date). She used me as a rebound and I recently discovered she got back with her ex. After being pissed off and angry I now just look at her with pity, because she is obviously struggling with her own demons to have to go back to a relationship which she described to me as toxic.

Have pity on your ex and look at him as a guy dealing with his own pain and demons because I guarantee you, anyone who knowingly infects another person is a troubled soul themselves.

[blistering love]

You have a really good point. All i was seeing was an evil, inhumane asshole.I dont even know if he knew his cold sore was one or if it was just a canker sore.I guess i'll never know. I will make sure that i break the cycle, i didnt even know anything about this! argh, its all so unfair!Thanks for your response! 

[Mellisuga]

Hey Blistering,

Most people have no idea that oral herpes can be transmitted down to the genitals. I remember surprising a friend of mine with that very fact, and she's quite knowledgeable, lol. Most people think they understand STDs, but we have to remember that this is a taboo thing to talk about.

In anycase, while what everyone said is all well and good, you really don't have to forgive the guy if you don't want to. If you want to stay angry, channel the energy into something productive, like exercise. Most importantly though, sit with your thoughts and feel them. If you rush forgiveness when you're not ready, what you really are doing is saying that your emotions are worthless, and they aren't. You'll just feel them a lot stronger later.

Work on learning the lesson that came out of that, and maybe that will help. Rephrasing what had happened in a more calm way (as was suggested earlier) might work.

[blistering love]

 

3 hours ago, Mellisuga said:

Hey Blistering,

Most people have no idea that oral herpes can be transmitted down to the genitals. I remember surprising a friend of mine with that very fact, and she's quite knowledgeable, lol. Most people think they understand STDs, but we have to remember that this is a taboo thing to talk about.

In anycase, while what everyone said is all well and good, you really don't have to forgive the guy if you don't want to. If you want to stay angry, channel the energy into something productive, like exercise. Most importantly though, sit with your thoughts and feel them. If you rush forgiveness when you're not ready, what you really are doing is saying that your emotions are worthless, and they aren't. You'll just feel them a lot stronger later.

Work on learning the lesson that came out of that, and maybe that will help. Rephrasing what had happened in a more calm way (as was suggested earlier) might work.

Thanks Mell,

Yeah most people don't even know that cold sores are herpes. Yeah, i need to do more exercise! I gained a bit of weight grieving over this. I just don't know if ANYONE would want someone with it who has it everywhere. Then again i'm 21, there may be new treatments in the future. Yeah, i think it will take time to forgive, its only been six months. I'll work on it, thanks hun

[Mellisuga]

5 hours ago, blistering love said:

 

Thanks Mell,

Yeah most people don't even know that cold sores are herpes. Yeah, i need to do more exercise! I gained a bit of weight grieving over this. I just don't know if ANYONE would want someone with it who has it everywhere. Then again i'm 21, there may be new treatments in the future. Yeah, i think it will take time to forgive, its only been six months. I'll work on it, thanks hun

 

Haha, don't feel so bad blistering - I've had two years to forgive my ex. Hasn't happened yet, and I probably won't ever completely forgive him (he was a real jerk) but I see progress, and it affects my life less and less everyday   Just try to remember that we are all human. It's usually hurt people who hurt other people.

Talking to a counsellor really does help. Also, You don't have herpes "everywhere" - just on the genitals, right. The way I see it, once you explain to people that what you have is just cold sores (which it is) most people will not find it an issue. You can also consider taking antivirals for some peace of mind.

Cheers!

[blistering love]

Yeah, time heals all wounds.No i have it orally as well:( 

[Mellisuga]

No worries - 70-90% of the world population have it orally. Those who don't have it are the weird ones

When someone has a strain of HSV1 - whether its oral or genital - it's really rare for them to catch it in another spot. Super rare. In this way, you have a really strong case for not worrying so much. PLUS HSV1 doesn't like the genitals all that much, so it barely shows up in most people.

[Zlice]

I thought its only in US ?

I don't see it common in Asia

[blistering love]

Well i have it orally and genitally so i dno. It's common everywhere.