Spiraling..

[Gracielynn]

I'm three days in, to what's seems an unsure diagnosis. Though, I'm certain that its true based off my research. So where do I go, what do I do?

I started by calling my most recent exes, and that's when I got a surprise that pretty much confirmed my diagnosis. My husband (whom I have been separated from for 2 years) confided that he has and had had hsv2 since he was 19. I married him when he was 20. So when did I contract this? Have I had it long enough to pass it on to my new partner, or is the outbreak the beginning meaning I have yet to spread it?

I find myself sitting here, alone, in the dark. Tears making it impossible to see, with so many thoughts racing through my brain. I told my newest partner, he says its manageable, love doesn't care. So why do I find myself denying his advances, completely turned off to the idea of sex.

I've bought Lysol and bleach.. Does bleach kill the hsv2? I cleanse everything I touch, for fear of passing it on to my mates.

And the depression, I can't bring my self to even make eye contact anymore. I want darkness, I want to be alone, I don't want to be touched. I want to cry, and scream and drown my sorrows in vodka.. Maybe it will go ahead and finish me off?

To make matter worse, the man who gave it to me.. Now refuses to speak to me.

Rambles, and my thoughts are all over the place. I apologize for how this post bounces around so much.

[blistering love]

Have you been diagnosed by a doctor, or just having symptoms?If so for peace of mind go see your Gp and get a diagnoses, lots of times people think they have it and end up not having it.If you do have it, then you're far from being alone.Check out the stats. The whole  population of Australia = herpes sufferers in the US. People can have it for  decades and never have symptoms, or have symptoms but they are so mild they think its something else. It's a difficult virus to detect, and most doctors wont test you when you go for a STI screening. If its genital then you can only pass it in sex not if you touch anything,and then someone else touches it. You can only pass it if you have skin contact with someone else in the spot that you have it.

Vodka, wont kill you, you'll just get drunk, vomit, fall asleep and feel shittier when you wake up. You have your loving and understanding partner, who cares if your( ex? )wont speak to you, hes your ex for a reason. These feelings will past, as many others will tell you.You're in shock, you'll find  a way through this.I know its hard, but put the vodka down, its a depressant, it'll only make you feel worse in the long run.Have a coffee, or a tea, eat something if you do have a bit to drink- it'll absorb the grog so you wont feel crook , go for a nice walk, confide in a friend or counselor, there's plenty of services out there and lots of very experienced people on here who've has this for decades! 

Hope you feel better soon 

[Clunk]

 Gracielyn, Don't worry about bleach and Lysol. HSV is very fragile. Once exposed and out in the open. It dies. People can't catch it from a toilet seat you use or any other items you use. As blistering said above, you need skin to skin contact. 

[Free73]

Blistering gave you some great advice.

What I will say here probably won't comfort you much, but as a fellow herpster, I feel it necessary to give it to you straight.

I think human beings are generally selfish and indulgent by nature and that is our ego calling the shots. When we get diagnosed with herpes, we immediately react in an ego driven way. How?, why? I don't deserve this? why is this happening to me? i'm a good person. None of it means jack squat and we simply try to protect our fragile ego with the endless questioning and the drama we create in the few weeks after diagnosis.

You have a loving partner who told you that love will conquer this. So your reaction is understandably a selfish one for now. I get it and i'm not criticising you for it, just merely pointing out that's what it is. Most of us react selfishly when we first get the diagnosis, so it's ok. At the end of the day, it's a skin rash, we'll get over it.

Love and fear cannot co-exist, so you need to decide which path you want to take with this now. If you push your new partner away, that is your ego pushing him away, not the herpes. The next time your partner makes an advance, perhaps just suggest touching and holding but no sex for now. But don't push him away, he loves you and he doesn't deserve to be pushed away no matter what. Open yourself up to love again

[SureWhyNot]

Gracielyn Please look up Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)!!! You are trapped in your mind right now and are unable to see your way!!! Even with my 35yrs experience I put myself through something yesterday I can laugh at today. I found this site recently but have been searching for this for years. I have been reading many posts about HSV1, I have never had it, only HSV2. The fear and torture around this dis-ease breaks my heart and I am thinking of you all. I got a bump on my lower lip last night. I wondered did I spread my HSV2? I asked my pendulum if it was HSV1 and was told NO but It never left my mind all night long. Lips felt swollen and tingly, then tender! I gargled with hydrogen peroxide, I put it directly on my lip, I used an ointment over and over. I just knew I spread it around even though I have no HSV2 OB. I woke up fine this morning, all is well and that was when I remembered I had a very acid meal and acid stomach yesterday! It was never HSV! but stomach, but I had convinced myself I had it on my mouth now!!! Not saying this because I believe your symptoms are in your head, they are real. Only that our brain can do as much damage to us as good, so direct it to good! 

You are looking for an antiviral that will stop replication in its tracks. Oil of Oregano, Olive Leaf Extract, Bee Propolis (natural antibiotic), Oxygen, esstential oils like Myrhh, Tee Tree Oil. Vitamin C, Lysine!  Do not waste time feeding it with fear and depression. Oh wait, you are human, this is the natural step for all of us with emotions and compassion for others!!! Allow yourself what you need but do not let this get stronger than you! I see you have strength because not everyone would have followed through to find the possible source. Share the compassion you have for others with yourself, you deserve it too. This is real life.

Not glass half full or empty, just knowing it is refillable!!!! Not with Vodka!!!!!

Hugs and Strength to You!

[Gracielynn]

22 hours ago, Free73 said:

Blistering gave you some great advice.

What I will say here probably won't comfort you much, but as a fellow herpster, I feel it necessary to give it to you straight.

I think human beings are generally selfish and indulgent by nature and that is our ego calling the shots. When we get diagnosed with herpes, we immediately react in an ego driven way. How?, why? I don't deserve this? why is this happening to me? i'm a good person. None of it means jack squat and we simply try to protect our fragile ego with the endless questioning and the drama we create in the few weeks after diagnosis.

You have a loving partner who told you that love will conquer this. So your reaction is understandably a selfish one for now. I get it and i'm not criticising you for it, just merely pointing out that's what it is. Most of us react selfishly when we first get the diagnosis, so it's ok. At the end of the day, it's a skin rash, we'll get over it.

Love and fear cannot co-exist, so you need to decide which path you want to take with this now. If you push your new partner away, that is your ego pushing him away, not the herpes. The next time your partner makes an advance, perhaps just suggest touching and holding but no sex for now. But don't push him away, he loves you and he doesn't deserve to be pushed away no matter what. Open yourself up to love again

Thank you, you brought tears to my eyes with this. I am being selfish irs just so hard, I can't believe how he can still want to be with me. Honestly, before all this, i would have ran scares from anyone who disclosed to me. As everyone says, society has made this seem such a horrible thing. I guess I just have to convince myself its not.

though, taking 5 pills a day makes it seem so much worse.

[VVK]

You don't have to take 5 pills a day forever. If you're like most people, your outbreaks will diminish in frequency and severity until... *poof*... you're either asymptomatic or pretty close to it. If you're not like most people, then we're here to troubleshoot. For now... be patient and focus on healing physically and mentally. Maybe, just maybe, you'll even come out a better person.