Recently diagnosed, feel very angry, very sad and very unclean, is this normal?

[jillsy]

Hi, 

I just found this site, and want to say hi, and just find out if you all felt angry, sad, depressed and scared, as well as feeling a bit unclean and like used goods too? 

My partner of three months only chose to tell me he had herpes after about a week of having sex with him. I feel angry with myself for not using a condom, but also, really angry with him for thinking it wasnt a big enough deal to tell me straight away. He said he got it when he was twenty from a back packing travelling friend, and had not had any symptoms since then (thirty years). We do love each other very much, and i will most probably stay in a long term relationship with him, but i cant help feeling really really angry he did not think to tell me before we had sex, and that he has given me herpes for life. I feel sad, because its messed up our great sex life, at the moment, and hope it will come back, and i will feel sexy again, and not just like rubbish, and I feel sad that I can never tell any of my family and friends that I have this, it makes me too mortified to discuss it with anyone else except him and my gp.  also, my kids would hate him and judge him very harshly (understandably)for putting me in this position, and its bad enough getting them onside with a new partner anyway, because their dad died, and they are protective.

please help, i just feel a bit down today. any advice gratefully received. Thank you for listening to my rant:)

[SureWhyNot]

Hello and glad you found us. This forum has a wealth of knowledge and experience with this virus. I have had HSV2 for almost 35yrs and I have had a fulfilling life in all aspects. The initial shock and awe is debilitating. This is a life lesson none of us want but you will find it leads you to healthier choices leading to a healthier life. You are so very lucky to have someone you love and you can work this out together. Every body deals with the virus differently, this may be your only outbreak, same as him! If he has not had other outbreaks he probably believed he was clear and done with it therefore forgot about it!

The only person who needs to know about mine is the person I am sharing my body with! I dated a guy for many years after disclosing my dis-ease and after we broke up he visited and had a coldsore on his lip. I thought I passed it on to him so asked and he said he had them since childhood!!! It never registered in his head he had the same thing I had in a different way or that he needed to tell me because his outbreaks were very rare.  We can only educate ourselves! Anger and blame have no place in healing. Condoms do not always protect 100% from this virus either so release yourself.

You will find answers and compassion here. You can search for remedies and modalities that ring true to you and you may be lucky enough to stop this in its tracks if you have just been infected, but then again perhaps you had it dormant in your body and it just reared its ugly head now! You will see, with your own research, this virus is much more prevalent than can be imagined and not found in normal testing until it surfaces!

Go towards Love not Anger or personal humiliation. You are still the same amazing person! 

[Clunk]

Please stay in a relationship with this man if you genuinely care and have feelings for him. I've heard of others that stay in unfulfilling relationships out of fear no one else would want them. Jeez! You may as well be alone. You feel dirty ATM. That's normal. The biggest problem with HSV is more ignorance than arrogance. People don't click that cold sores and herpes are the same thing! I only learnt that after getting diagnosed myself. Go figure.....

[Brokengrace]

 

[Tense]

On 1/15/2016 at 10:34 AM, jillsy said:

Hi, 

I just found this site, and want to say hi, and just find out if you all felt angry, sad, depressed and scared, as well as feeling a bit unclean and like used goods too? 

My partner of three months only chose to tell me he had herpes after about a week of having sex with him. I feel angry with myself for not using a condom, but also, really angry with him for thinking it wasnt a big enough deal to tell me straight away. He said he got it when he was twenty from a back packing travelling friend, and had not had any symptoms since then (thirty years). We do love each other very much, and i will most probably stay in a long term relationship with him, but i cant help feeling really really angry he did not think to tell me before we had sex, and that he has given me herpes for life. I feel sad, because its messed up our great sex life, at the moment, and hope it will come back, and i will feel sexy again, and not just like rubbish, and I feel sad that I can never tell any of my family and friends that I have this, it makes me too mortified to discuss it with anyone else except him and my gp.  also, my kids would hate him and judge him very harshly (understandably)for putting me in this position, and its bad enough getting them onside with a new partner anyway, because their dad died, and they are protective.

please help, i just feel a bit down today. any advice gratefully received. Thank you for listening to my rant:)

Sorry you got this. I told my family and my son's. I feel so much better so that they know why i am so down and feel like shit. I want this guy that gave it to Me to feel like shit. I told him he gave it to me. So, now I left and am able to move on. This forum is great and feel free to ask away. I just got this 1 month ago and i pray i get better soon. It will feel ok but will take time. 

[ACE2002]

If you feel dirty take a shower