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Waiting on results, need help dealing


Shhhh

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2 single blisters but they itch and hurt a few days after an encounter with a new partner. No lymph node swelling. Got swabbed today but don't get results until at least Tuesday. Its killing me. I have obviously been doing nothing but researching for hours and I can't find anything else it could be. This was my first few dates with someone after finally working up the courage to take a chance on dating with since the love of my life left me a few months ago. I can't believe this is how it turned out. I know this isn't a punishment but it feels like it.  We didn't even have sex. There was just a minute or two of skin to skin contact, which I'm aware now is enough. He was very interested in very aggressively dry rubbing both with and without clothes. I'm so angry, disgusted, and discouraged. I've read through lots of threads on this site and I'll just go ahead with what every other new DX is saying. How am I supposed have this conversation with a person I only went on a few dates with?  I am too humiliated both by my poor judgement and the condition itself to talk to anyone I know. I can't imagine having this conversation with someone I was interested in dating in the future. How can I ever feel sexy again knowing that even if I look fine I'm secretly and permanently diseased? I know it's not the worst thing that has ever happened, but Ii'm appalled and I have it forever and I just don't see how to go forward. 

* Oh also I have an anxiety disorder so if breakouts are stress induced I'm feel much screwed

Edited by Shhhh
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Dear Shhh, I understand what you feel. I too used to feel the same like you. But let just wait the test result come, and if you need someone to talk to, you could reach me anytime.

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Exercise,shopping, not sitting on google- worst thing to do!, baking, read, study,basically do any hobby or activity that takes a lot of concentration like knitting ,sewing,scrap booking,organizing your room,trying new make up from youtube tutorials. .Just keep yourself busy, and drink peppermint tea it helps with the anxiety and if you're unable to sleep at night,( i wasn't able to while awaiting HIV results), i drank Chamomile tea and had a banana to soothe myself.Chemicals in banana that helps to educe sleep, a bit like hot milk. Helps a lot! I previously used Valium and unfortunately it was not helping at all, i found tea a lot more soothing. Anxiety is a bitch, I've had it all my life! However, it will pass, maybe you can speak to a friend or loved one or even an anonymous helpline?Either outcome, you're not alone and if you want to vent feel free to inbox me.

 

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Fight Back!!!  Go after the virus! Look at this from an Holistic aspect. Seek out a reputable Naturopathic Doctor (ND), Master Herbalist! Allopathic Doctors have nothing to offer you but Pharma because they cannot cut it out.

You will have to make serious life changes right now to effect your health! All will offer more positives than you could imagine!!! There are natural Antivirals to help stop it setting up shop in you! You will Need guidance to choose what is appropriate for your body, experimentation can be time wasting, costly and perhaps dangerous to you as we are all so very individual. Humans, go figure!

As far as talking to someone... If we are willing to share our bodies with them we should be able to talk to them about anything!!!! This person needs to know they are spreading this, intentionally or not! That could be your first step to taking your power back!!!!

Look up Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) It could help you regain your inner strength. 

Life has given you an opportunity for growth, whether you want it or not. You are stronger than you ever imagined!!!!! This is not a frivolous statement. I have been fighting this fight for over 35yrs. I did not have the knowledge I have now or I am sure I would not be in this forum. With this knowledge I kicked the ass out of Hep C and have the papers to prove it! Believe in yourself and what you are capable of!!! Knowledge is Strength!!!!!

I see spam posts on this site, people giving names of those that have the answers. Do Your Homework! There is no "one answer" to this. I do not believe in buying into everything on the web but I believe, under professionally trained personalized care, we can help ourselves out of this.

Edited by SureWhyNot
Regarding spamming posts for cures on this site
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When I was diagnosed I was casually dating someone new. He was not the one who infected me. We had sex at the beginning of my outbreak, before I knew what it was. I had to have the discussion with him that I possibly infected him with HSV2. I was so scared, it was terrifying. I really liked him, we were sexually compatible, and was romantically interested in him as well. I just sort of blurted it out. It wasn't the best delivery. His response? "Okay. Well that sucks. I guess if I'm infected we can rub our infected bits together then." Not everyone is going to react negatively. This sucks, but you will get through it. I'm still dating him. We still have normal, great sex. He still finds me attractive. He doesn't look at me like I'm diseased and infected. You'll find someone who feels the same way about you. This is a skin rash caused by a virus, not a disease. Things are hard right now but you'll be okay, I promise.

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Thank you. I guess I just don't know how it couldn't have been from him. I was with the same person for two years before that with no symptoms. I hadn't had any symptoms before this guys and I engaged. After a few dates this person and I decided we weren't compatible so unfortunately I don't see our conversation going so well. I also tried to get out of the house an exercise which is the only effective form of stress relief for me this morning but the outbreak is so uncomfortable it is hard to want to move, even with lidocaine cream.  I just feel really lost and alone. 

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I'm going to basically repeat what blistering love said. Get out of the house and off google! Google is the worse thing for herpes. The worst possible cases, outbreaks and rejections because of it outnumber the positive and supportive messages. If you need info.... Get it all from this site.

Spend time with friends. Don't isolate yourself like I did. If you have a friend or relative you can confide in, by all means, speak to them. I'm a guy... We're not supposed to cry but it was nice to have an older female friends' shoulder to ball my eyes out. It took me a long time to get out of the spiral I went on.

All I can suggest is be thankful for the good things in life you have. I hated it when people said this to me but they're right; "Be thankful it's not cancer" 

This virus has very little physical impact. Sadly, the revolting stigma is what fuels people's fears. I've had no other outbreaks since my first one 6 months ago.  (The outbreaks just occur in my head :( ) It's not the end of the world, ok. If you wanna chat, feel free to message me. :) 

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Thank you everyone, this has really helped. My first conversation actually didn't go badly. Thank you for encouraging me to be brave. Does anyone know how long I could have had this before an "initial outbreak" and why it would start now? I don't know how far back in my history I should go with these conversations. 

 

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How long is a piece of string? Some people can go their whole lives and never know they are carriers of HSV. Others, like me, have an outbreak within days of infection. Some people have been in 20 year marriages and have their first outbreak. Sometimes you'll never know where, how, whom you got it from.

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Well, there are some people I wouldn't even know how to contact anymore. I don't know who all to have this conversation with. I want to do the right thing so no one else gets hurt but talking to everyone I've ever slept with seems daunting. I don't sleep around but I've had a normal healthy sex life both with a mixture of long term relationships and more casual encounters, all of those were "safe". The guy I was with 2 days before this showed up is really upset that he may have done this to someone. I feel the same way, that I would be devastated to learn I had been passing this to people without knowing it. I just want to figure out how to keep everyone's future partners safe. 

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HI guys. I got my Dx today and I'm shocked, because if the severity of symptoms and list of symptoms I have, to find that I have HSV-1. My most current partner seems to think that this is great news, but I don't really see how that changes things. I have never had a cold sore in my life so I still believe this is a primary infection. Also, I am aware that the herpes virus lives in your nerve roots so that means it will present in the same place every time right? And if this is true I will always shed genitally so thats where I will infect my partners too right? So this doesn't change the conversation I will have to have with future partners right. 

I think he thinks that this is the cold sore kind and it isn't common for people with cold sore herpes to disclose that they have it before every encounter. I just don't think that thats an accurate perception. In my mind, other than hopefully the severity  and recurrence of the symptoms this dx doesn't change the fact that my love life is forever affected. 

Advice?

 

Thank you

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If the genital swab was positive for HSV-1, then there is little doubt that you were just infected by this partner that like most men, has an oral HSV-1 infection.

Which swabs came back positive? The blisters in the throat are unlikely to be related to herpes.

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They didn't swab my throat. Just the genital one. The doctor confirmed what I thought. Type 1, Type 2 doesn't make much difference from my end. I'm still infected and must disclose genital herpes to every future partner. My life has still changed. He feels better though. Thanks for your feedback

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Shhh we talked last night! I just read your post! My doctor did a swab test and she could only determine if it was herpes or not. I have to wait 2 months to get a blood test to determine the type. 

I'm like you worries about who I got it from. The one I had oral sex with for the last 2 weekends said he had cold sores in college so I'm guessing its from him. Not my husband who I had oral sex with back in March or this other guy on January 3rd.

I really like the current guy he told me we'd talk yesterday never called or texted. I think I should just forget about it. :(

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Hi! I remember!

I'm sorry your doctor didn't test for type with the swab. I don't know why she wouldn't have. It really is the most accurate. I hope she tests for both on your blood test! My doctor and I had a long conversation and we determined it was very unlikely that I got this from anyone else (even though there is always a small chance that you can carry for a while before your first outbreak). For me the most important part of knowing where I got it was knowing how many partners to contact!! In my personal situation, it was sooo unlikely that I got it from anyone else that she didn't feel I should contact other exes. She also made the point that since none of my exes have contacted me about genital symptoms, they would have given it to me orally too and nothing is really going to change for them being a person living with cold sores. BUT that was my situation and your conversation will be different.

I would say if you want to find out who you should contact you should have a long conversation with your doctor about it. If your doctor was not responding well in your first visit, and you feel like she wasn't listening to you, it might be worth it to have future conversations and tests with a medical professional at an institution like Planned Parenthood. They are experts in sexual health and have an interdisciplinary approach where they can hook you up with counseling and support groups too! I went through a graduate school student center where they are also very knowledgeable about sexual health and thats why i think I had a good medical experience. 

Also what helped me is I kept a running list of questions I had before my second visit about all the conflicting information I found. I made sure to limit my sources to creditable websites like the CDC and dept. of health and human services so I wasn't driving myself crazy with anecdotal or uninformed sources. I printed all my questions out and took them with me to the visit and wouldn't leave until they were answered. 

Unfortunately, if you want to know just to know I don't think its worth driving yourself crazy because you will never have a fool proof answer. It is much better to focus on what you are going to do now. At least that is how I feel...

I think you should forget about that guy too. It sucks to connect with someone initially then have them run when the first bad thing happens. I get it. But, having just gotten out of a painful break up you want someone you don't have to beg for support from. You have had enough let down and it sounds like this person will only further hurt you. 

This week I have been focusing on what I CAN do. I found a site I can share with you about adjusting diet to reduce break out, but have found a lot of conflicting information. 

Hope all this helps!

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Thank you Shhh!! That's helpful! Since we talked my sores have healed and I'm feeling great! The guy I was with was tested on Monday apparently but I haven't heard from him and I'm not going to.  I'm going to check out planned parenthood my doctor was great I just like to spend a lot of time with them! 

I hope you are well! Have a good week focusing on you that's important! :) 

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    • WilsoInAus
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